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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What the fuck is wrong with parents?

117 replies

TheBlueKoala · 28/01/2026 19:38

Not fat shaming. Just pointing out the obvious: obesity is a serious health problem. So now we got WLI for adults who need medical assistance to eat less. But why are they giving shit to their children? You can't say it's because you can't resist it- not your body. I think it should be a reason for a safeguard alert when you have an obese 4 year old. SS should get involved just as if someone would be starving their child because it's parental neglect to serve your children shit and make them face a future of illnesses and eating disorders. AIBU?

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jan/25/uk-gp-obese-children-research

Almost a quarter of UK GPs are seeing obese children aged four and under

Exclusive: Almost half of GPs have seen children up to the age of seven who have obesity, research finds

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jan/25/uk-gp-obese-children-research

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 29/01/2026 13:52

sunstreaming · 29/01/2026 13:25

As a former Registered Dietitian, I am worried by a lot of things about the general confusion around obesity and healthy eating. For instance, the idea that a child's weight is judged as excessive if it's on the 90th+ centile(which some people seem to be saying) Comparing children with others of similar age isn't a scientific way to judge their health because in an underweight population, an actually underweight child would be judged as fine and a healthy weight child as overweight. I thought the idea was to look at the height and weight and they should match (more or less) So if a child is on the 90th centile for weight but the 20th for height, they are overweight. Also children's growth and development doesn't necessarily follow a linear path. for instance, boys have their growth spurts later than girls, so many boys are 'short', sometimes until they are 16+. Girls' have their growth spurt earlier and also tend to be at their 'fattest' in early puberty but they normalise later, as long as their diet and lifestyle are suitable.
And while being nasty to people (adults and especially children) who are overweight, si-called 'fat shaming, is cruel and ineffective, so is denying that an obviously overweight person has a problem. People's value as humans is not dependent on their body shape, but pretending that someone with an unhealthy weight is 'fine' and denying them any help is wrong. Sadly, there is a lot of healthy eating advice doled out by people working in schools and horrifyingly, sometimes by medical personnel, which is incorrect and can be harmful. It's better if parents get their advice from properly qualified people and try to see the general message behind 'healthy eating' advice, rather than getting stuck on one particular detail.

That’s why I am in 2 minds with it.

I can remember when ds2 was in primary school and we were required to give permission for a health check, we could have declined but we had nothing to hide.

Due to his size he was considered morbidly obese, we had a nurse practitioner turn up at our home as apparently we needed immediate help with our child's diet…

He was already under consultant care and a dietitian because he had/has multiple life threatening allergies.

They were relentless, I think I spoke about it on here at the time, In the end we told them we would speak to his consultant and if they were concerned we would ask for input, his consultant told us he had absolutely no concerns.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 29/01/2026 13:55

beAsensible1 · 29/01/2026 13:06

£5 for strawberries? How many grams ?

id recommend trying your greengrocer or market. It’ll be half that. Especially if you plan on eating them pretty quickly.

or frozen berries and then low heat for 5 mins to drizzle on your yoghurt or granola.

£5 is madness

Show quote history

By the same token, chicken thighs are way cheaper than breasts, often half but sometimes as little as a third of the price.
Using the most expensive cuts and out of season fruits to prove it’s too expensive to eat fresh food is nonsense.

PoorSorebutunder34 · 29/01/2026 13:56

It’s because people have got to comfortable with the term ‘baby fat’ - but it’s exactly that, baby fat.. for babies.. not your nearly primary school ages children who have the ability to actively run around and shed said baby fat.

it really riles me when people call clearly obese children ‘healthy’ or ‘it’s just baby fat’ - no, you child is over weight and if you don’t nip it in the bud now then they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives with health issues, or yo-yo dieting to undo what you were lazy too.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 29/01/2026 14:40

YourBreezyBiscuit · 28/01/2026 20:07

Fuck knows but I got laid into on two separate threads for being "a sanctimonious bitch who clearly has an eating disorder" because on a thread about chocolate and biscuits for toddlers I was adamant that my toddler never has any added salt or sugar in her food and won't until she 2 as per NHS guidelines and on a thread about the baby pouch scandal I said it was obvious that parents who only feed their babies pouches of baby food and nothing else were stupid because it's obvious living on puree pouches full of preservatives and sugar is going to be bad for babies. Apparently it wasn't clear, the packaging had vegetables on so we're missold as healthy 🙄 parents don't have time, they can't afford fresh food blah blah blah.

Pointing out that people are shit parents and their children deserve better is outrageous apparently and makes it clear I have orthorexia. People are just fucking stupid and their kids deserve better than cretins squeezing pouches of paste in their mouths followed by chocolate..it's disgraceful.

"Cretins" FFS!

What the hell's the matter with you?

Pricelessadvice · 29/01/2026 14:43

Unhealthy diets and less movement, as they are all attached to screens.

Original poster
TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 14:46

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 13:19

You’re too angry about this. It’s giving eating disorder

an obese 4 year old is not a safeguarding concern in any way. Don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

It most certainly is! I'm not talking overweight here, I'm talking about obesity! And I'm angry on behalf of those children because they have to suffer because of their parents inability to provide a healthy upbringing. I know poor people who eat very well- basic food like beans on toast, dahls, curry etc. Their children get fruit or homemade cake for snacks. It's about investing in your children's health and instauring good habits.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 14:49

PoorSorebutunder34 · 29/01/2026 13:56

It’s because people have got to comfortable with the term ‘baby fat’ - but it’s exactly that, baby fat.. for babies.. not your nearly primary school ages children who have the ability to actively run around and shed said baby fat.

it really riles me when people call clearly obese children ‘healthy’ or ‘it’s just baby fat’ - no, you child is over weight and if you don’t nip it in the bud now then they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives with health issues, or yo-yo dieting to undo what you were lazy too.

I can't even believe that some try to normalise obesity. We have all seen them- I see a little girl every morning on the bus eating crisps- about 5 y old and obese. Mother obese as well. It's like "Why don't you want better for your child than this?"

OP posts:
upstairsdownstairscardboardbox · 29/01/2026 14:50

Parents are frightened of their children's discomfort, it is causing so so so many problems.

GreyCarpet · 29/01/2026 15:16

There's also a lot around education (I don't mean in schools) and understanding too.

Eg I cooked from scratch for mine from weaning them. More than one person expressed concern that my homemade food wouldn't be as 'healthy' or as 'tasty' as the jarred baby food because they were going to be better and that's why they were sold.

People have largely been deskilled when it comes to cooking.

SunSparkle · 29/01/2026 15:20

What I find really hard is that I don’t serve chocolate, biscuits, cake, puddings at home very often but between grandparents, school dinners, school fundraisers, birthday parties, hobbies my daughter consumes so much more than I would like.

bake sales on Fridays, granny taking her out for a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and then an ice cream, school lunches having puddings, sweets in party bags. She gets given a huge amount of chocolate at Easter and Christmas which she is allowed some of and then normally forgets about.

so even if I serve sensible meal options and limited savoury snacks or fruit, the sheer amount of sugar she consumes feels so out of control sometimes.

SunSparkle · 29/01/2026 15:26

sunstreaming · 29/01/2026 13:25

As a former Registered Dietitian, I am worried by a lot of things about the general confusion around obesity and healthy eating. For instance, the idea that a child's weight is judged as excessive if it's on the 90th+ centile(which some people seem to be saying) Comparing children with others of similar age isn't a scientific way to judge their health because in an underweight population, an actually underweight child would be judged as fine and a healthy weight child as overweight. I thought the idea was to look at the height and weight and they should match (more or less) So if a child is on the 90th centile for weight but the 20th for height, they are overweight. Also children's growth and development doesn't necessarily follow a linear path. for instance, boys have their growth spurts later than girls, so many boys are 'short', sometimes until they are 16+. Girls' have their growth spurt earlier and also tend to be at their 'fattest' in early puberty but they normalise later, as long as their diet and lifestyle are suitable.
And while being nasty to people (adults and especially children) who are overweight, si-called 'fat shaming, is cruel and ineffective, so is denying that an obviously overweight person has a problem. People's value as humans is not dependent on their body shape, but pretending that someone with an unhealthy weight is 'fine' and denying them any help is wrong. Sadly, there is a lot of healthy eating advice doled out by people working in schools and horrifyingly, sometimes by medical personnel, which is incorrect and can be harmful. It's better if parents get their advice from properly qualified people and try to see the general message behind 'healthy eating' advice, rather than getting stuck on one particular detail.

This.

my daughter is 91St centile for height. She is over 15cm taller than the majority of her classmates. She is 4 and the height of a 6 year old. She wears age 6-7 clothes because she is very tall. Her weight is proportional and is also 91st centile. That makes her obese. But she is lean, tons of muscle, has far more strength than her peers and gets a ton of exercise including strength and cardio.

but the height and weight survey would tell me to stop feeding her junk and presume she’s got a high body fat percentage and was the height of an average 4 year old.

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 15:40

TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 14:46

It most certainly is! I'm not talking overweight here, I'm talking about obesity! And I'm angry on behalf of those children because they have to suffer because of their parents inability to provide a healthy upbringing. I know poor people who eat very well- basic food like beans on toast, dahls, curry etc. Their children get fruit or homemade cake for snacks. It's about investing in your children's health and instauring good habits.

Show quote history

Don’t be daft. My children were obese at 4. They weren’t by 11 and 8 respectively. Can you detail the damage being obese for 4 or 7 years does to an individuals health?

Do you think that’s better, worse or the same than a 67 year old ex builder who becomes obese after retirement, having been a healthy weight for 67 years?

And go away with your safeguarding and your education. I’m rich- in the top 1% of earners- so don’t hog wash me with poor people’s wholesome food.

the cheek of suggesting you want to Waste time sending social services into the 10% of families that have an obese 4 year old, the vast majority of them feeding them a normal healthy diet.

ill worry about my kids and you worry about your eating disorder. You’re the one more likely to die from it.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 29/01/2026 15:52

It's only one angle, but the portion sizes for children's meals are absolutely shocking. DS at 11 was a bit overweight and as old as you could be to order children's menu yet the portions were always huge, large adult amounts of chips, and more than he should eat. They are being served to children literally half his size and weight. I know people may say it's a one off but some parents are pretty bad at gauging portion size and then they see this and think this is normal. A regulation of portion sizes in restaurants and hotels would be a small step in the right direction.

Echobelly · 29/01/2026 16:00

I try not to judge but I do wonder when I see really obese young kids (talking much more than just puppy fat). I think it's sometimes people giving kids adult portions and also perhaps not limiting supplies of thingss like crisps or chocolates. I mean we buy some every week, but generally when it's gone, it's gone, that's it for the week. I suspect some people always have big packs available.

I also wish nurseries and schools would just stop having dessert, maybe other than fruit. I think it would make parents' lives much easier if having something sugary after every meal were not normalised from early on, and it would be a simple way to start off healthier eating.

OutieModeOn · 29/01/2026 16:05

I really think it's not that straightforward.

I've got two kids. The 13 year old was born all limbs. Very tall and skinny. Always has been, despite a HUGE appetite. But they are always moving, never stops fidgeting etc.

The 10 year old was born with a tummy. The sonographer even made a comment on it. They are overweight now. Always been on the heavier side. Bit of a day dreamer who will happily sit at some sort of art activity for hours.

They are both fed the same, healthy diet. I cook from scratch. Lots of fruit and veg. No snacks between meals. Younger one gets smaller portions.

I am constantly aware of what the younger one is eating and it's so hard not to single them out and make them think about their weight. I am worried that comments etc would drive them to an eating disorder.

I'm not a neglectful parent. I don't need social services involvement. I'm just trying my best with two very different children!

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 16:16

Echobelly · 29/01/2026 16:00

I try not to judge but I do wonder when I see really obese young kids (talking much more than just puppy fat). I think it's sometimes people giving kids adult portions and also perhaps not limiting supplies of thingss like crisps or chocolates. I mean we buy some every week, but generally when it's gone, it's gone, that's it for the week. I suspect some people always have big packs available.

I also wish nurseries and schools would just stop having dessert, maybe other than fruit. I think it would make parents' lives much easier if having something sugary after every meal were not normalised from early on, and it would be a simple way to start off healthier eating.

A child with “puppy fat” will very likely measure obese

and that’s all we’re talking about. Measuring obese. This conversation isn’t about the Michelin padded kids so large their eyes has disappeared ala Augustus gloop, this is about children who measure obese on the NHS BMI chart. About 10% of reception children.

Boomer55 · 29/01/2026 16:18

TheBlueKoala · 28/01/2026 19:38

Not fat shaming. Just pointing out the obvious: obesity is a serious health problem. So now we got WLI for adults who need medical assistance to eat less. But why are they giving shit to their children? You can't say it's because you can't resist it- not your body. I think it should be a reason for a safeguard alert when you have an obese 4 year old. SS should get involved just as if someone would be starving their child because it's parental neglect to serve your children shit and make them face a future of illnesses and eating disorders. AIBU?

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jan/25/uk-gp-obese-children-research

Lazy parenting, as with those that get takeaway junk food for their kids every night. 🙄

StepawayfromtheLindors · 29/01/2026 16:23

Part of the problem as shown on this thread is the concept of and the word itself treats.

Original poster
TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 16:25

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 15:40

Don’t be daft. My children were obese at 4. They weren’t by 11 and 8 respectively. Can you detail the damage being obese for 4 or 7 years does to an individuals health?

Do you think that’s better, worse or the same than a 67 year old ex builder who becomes obese after retirement, having been a healthy weight for 67 years?

And go away with your safeguarding and your education. I’m rich- in the top 1% of earners- so don’t hog wash me with poor people’s wholesome food.

the cheek of suggesting you want to Waste time sending social services into the 10% of families that have an obese 4 year old, the vast majority of them feeding them a normal healthy diet.

ill worry about my kids and you worry about your eating disorder. You’re the one more likely to die from it.

Show quote history

Type 2 diabetes.
High cholesterol and high blood pressure that can play a part in the buildup of plaques in the arteries and may lead to a heart attack or stroke later in life.
Childhood obesity can cause pain and sometimes injuries in the hips, knees and back.
Breathing conditions. Asthma is more common in children who are overweight. These children also are more likely to develop obstructive sleep apnea.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/childhood-obesity/symptoms-causes/syc-20354827

Childhood obesity - Symptoms and causes

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/childhood-obesity/symptoms-causes/syc-20354827

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 16:32

OutieModeOn · 29/01/2026 16:05

I really think it's not that straightforward.

I've got two kids. The 13 year old was born all limbs. Very tall and skinny. Always has been, despite a HUGE appetite. But they are always moving, never stops fidgeting etc.

The 10 year old was born with a tummy. The sonographer even made a comment on it. They are overweight now. Always been on the heavier side. Bit of a day dreamer who will happily sit at some sort of art activity for hours.

They are both fed the same, healthy diet. I cook from scratch. Lots of fruit and veg. No snacks between meals. Younger one gets smaller portions.

I am constantly aware of what the younger one is eating and it's so hard not to single them out and make them think about their weight. I am worried that comments etc would drive them to an eating disorder.

I'm not a neglectful parent. I don't need social services involvement. I'm just trying my best with two very different children!

A friend of mine has two daughters that are like yours; one skinny and one overweight. Both being fed the same- healthy food habits globally. She's now being seen by a special team to see what's wrong with her metabolism.
I did not mean to say "send SS on obese kids". What I meant to say is that parents should be offered support to help them (be so by SS/GP/other). In your case that could have been having their metabolism checked whereas in most other cases it would be a question of education.

OP posts:
Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 16:32

TheBlueKoala · 29/01/2026 16:25

Type 2 diabetes.
High cholesterol and high blood pressure that can play a part in the buildup of plaques in the arteries and may lead to a heart attack or stroke later in life.
Childhood obesity can cause pain and sometimes injuries in the hips, knees and back.
Breathing conditions. Asthma is more common in children who are overweight. These children also are more likely to develop obstructive sleep apnea.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/childhood-obesity/symptoms-causes/syc-20354827

Show quote history

I asked about the impacts of short term child obesity from 4 to being a healthy weight at 8/11 years old.

that’s not what you’ve listed

YourBreezyBiscuit · 29/01/2026 16:39

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 15:40

Don’t be daft. My children were obese at 4. They weren’t by 11 and 8 respectively. Can you detail the damage being obese for 4 or 7 years does to an individuals health?

Do you think that’s better, worse or the same than a 67 year old ex builder who becomes obese after retirement, having been a healthy weight for 67 years?

And go away with your safeguarding and your education. I’m rich- in the top 1% of earners- so don’t hog wash me with poor people’s wholesome food.

the cheek of suggesting you want to Waste time sending social services into the 10% of families that have an obese 4 year old, the vast majority of them feeding them a normal healthy diet.

ill worry about my kids and you worry about your eating disorder. You’re the one more likely to die from it.

Show quote history

This has got to be the most shocking pile of shit I've ever read on MN!

Obese children are twice as likely to be obese in adulthood than healthy weight children. You are literally fucking their metabolism up for life by feeding them shit and making them obese as small children.

Being rich clearly doesn't make you informed or knowledgeable, having an obese 4 year old is NOT something to be proud of.

YourBreezyBiscuit · 29/01/2026 16:45

KaleidoscopeSmile · 29/01/2026 14:40

"Cretins" FFS!

What the hell's the matter with you?

Show quote history

What would you call someone who squeezes pouches of purée with double a babies daily allowance of sugar in it into a babies mouth, three times a day, and actually thinks they're doing a good job because there's pictures of vegetables on the pouch?

Cretin fits the bill!

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 16:45

YourBreezyBiscuit · 29/01/2026 16:39

This has got to be the most shocking pile of shit I've ever read on MN!

Obese children are twice as likely to be obese in adulthood than healthy weight children. You are literally fucking their metabolism up for life by feeding them shit and making them obese as small children.

Being rich clearly doesn't make you informed or knowledgeable, having an obese 4 year old is NOT something to be proud of.

Show quote history

That’s crap. No one is proud, and we are specifically talking about sending social services around to obese 4 year olds on the basis it is SO SERIOUS that Op is having a drama llama over it (one she loves as it gives her the opportunity to talk about how awful fat people are)

JadeCardi · 29/01/2026 16:51

Itsmetheflamingo · 29/01/2026 15:40

Don’t be daft. My children were obese at 4. They weren’t by 11 and 8 respectively. Can you detail the damage being obese for 4 or 7 years does to an individuals health?

Do you think that’s better, worse or the same than a 67 year old ex builder who becomes obese after retirement, having been a healthy weight for 67 years?

And go away with your safeguarding and your education. I’m rich- in the top 1% of earners- so don’t hog wash me with poor people’s wholesome food.

the cheek of suggesting you want to Waste time sending social services into the 10% of families that have an obese 4 year old, the vast majority of them feeding them a normal healthy diet.

ill worry about my kids and you worry about your eating disorder. You’re the one more likely to die from it.

Show quote history

Why were your children obese at four do you think? Genuinely curious.