To wonder what is wrong with me? Why can’t I get anything done?

[ClearyMe]

Happy to hear I’m just totally lazy and that’s the problem. I feel like that must be true!

Whenever I have a day off, when it’s just me, I will literally get nothing done. It’s like really severe procrastination. I don’t live in a tip, I will eventually do jobs, but it’s hard for me to start anything.

Im not depressed, I don’t think. I just want to rest. I want to shut myself away and do nothing. I don’t know why and I know it’s not good for me. I feel rubbish afterwards. I don’t mind being called lazy, but please be kind. I do want to change. I feel like I get completely overwhelmed by the thought of tasks. When I’m at work, I’m not lazy in the slightest. I’m always busy. I just can’t seem to be like this without the pressure of a work environment. How do I change? Grateful for any constructive advice.

Same. Watching with interest.

Same.
I think Im burnt out after years and years of bringing up kids and having a career. Now I just want to do nothing if I have a day off...

They say listen to your body. What kind of things are you not doing ?

I think it’s our cave woman brain in action. Tasks necessary for survival (and employment!) get done.

Our brains were never meant to cope with homes full of many unnecessary items requiring constant grouping and putting away.

Timers can help give the cave woman brain a sense of urgency. Then you know if you just need to do X for 10 minutes you can get things done.

I am the same and I actually disagree that it’s a bad thing. Everybody needs a rest, especially if you are always busy at work. Do you have kids as well?

You'll find some useful tips if you Google 'strategies for demand avoidance' or 'behavioural activation'.

I've been like this all winter, OP - it's frustrating!

Same. I find just starting something a struggle but best if I start with no pressure on myself to get x y or z done just plod along a bit and that’s better than nothing.

But also agree with others that you might simply need to rest!

I have always worked better to tight deadlines, whether it was at work or housework or bills etc. It's my personality and I can't change it. Where bills are concerned, I have everything as far as possible on direct debits. I'm retired so I don't have to think about work. Housework i tend to blitz when adverts are on

I've spent too many years doing everything always busy now semi retired want to do absolutely nothing and revel in it but at this moment I still can't do that either

You're not alone. I'm the same.

This is probably not a healthy way of going about it, but I basically tell myself off in my head ("sort yourself out, pull yourself together") until I've mustered enough self-reproach to actually do what needs doing.

Another thing I do (if it's work related, say) is remind myself how sad I'd be if I didn't have my job, but some other rubbish job instead. For example if I had to be a train driver (nothing wrong with that, but I'd hate it), wouldn't I miss marking my year 9 tests. That helps me reframe it as a privilege.

Or if I lost my home and lived in a cramped flat, say, wouldn't I wish I had a big living room full of toys to tidy.

The voice in my head says "Come on, be grateful for having this task! It's a privilege so get on and start it, woman!"

If all else fails, stick on Eye of the Tiger in your headphones

I am like this too. I have learned from bitter experience that putting things off too long just creates more problems down the line but I struggle to start stuff.

I’m OK with big things its life admin and fiddly little tedious things I can’t bear.

I really envy people like my husband who can’t relax until they’ve done what’s necessary. I need to relax first, like you, then when I’m running out of time, I’ll get my arse into gear. If I can get away with not doing it, I won’t.

I would love to just get it over and done with. But no…

My PILs say what they do is having a rule that they can't sit on the sofa in the sitting room until after dinner (!). So they are literally doing something useful all day, whether that's long dog walks, DIY, mending, tidying, cooking, admin on the computer, helping with childcare etc. They sit down to eat or do admin but not on the sofa.

I couldn't live like that tbh. I do a lot of sitting on the sofa...!

I don't think "I have some time, how can I make it productive".
I am by default "at leisure" until something must be done (which tbf is basically all the time as I have two kids and two part time jobs).

My PILs' mindset is probably healthier but I just couldn't live like that. I'm only going to do something useful if it can't be avoided!

It sounds like you’re burned out. Your energy levels sound pretty low on your days off which reads to me as if you’ve got nothing left in the tank. I’ve experienced this too and my way out was actually to see a therapist, to first understand what was going on, and second, to find a way out.

If therapy isn’t an option, then one small step is to see what sort of activities replenish you rather than deplete you, and do a tiny amount of that on a day off, and see how you feel. It might take a little time to get going, but things will right themselves.

Sounds like ADHD.

If I’m feeling really lazy I set myself one of two tasks:
Either:
20 jobs and then I’m done - jobs can include putting a load of washing in or taking it out (ie that’s 2 jobs), emptying the bin, emptying the dishwasher etc
or:
set myself a timer and blitz for 10 minutes, then have 10-30 minutes off. It’s amazing what you can get done in 10 minutes and you often carry on beyond the 10 minutes to get something finished.
Works for me

I think it’s our cave woman brain in action. Tasks necessary for survival (and employment!) get done.
Our brains were never meant to cope with homes full of many unnecessary items requiring constant grouping and putting away.

This. Modern life requires us to manage huge volumes of information and be very organised. It's overwhelming for the vast majority of us. To add to this most modern jobs are very disconnected from human needs, we spend all our time forcing ourselves to focus on tasks our brains don't unconsciously recognise as important or urgent, this is unsatisfying and does not give us a sense of fulfilment.

I really disagree with comments like "you have adhd" or "you need therapy".

No, what op is, is quite normal.
It is normal human behaviour to not look forward to irksome tasks. It is normal to prefer relaxing to doing chores.

She is not ill, strange, or in need of medical intervention, at least based on the info she has shared so far.

I can definitely be like this, but I got sick of feeling like I'd wasted a day off.

Now I go for a walk before 10 on my day off, and decide on one job I am going to do as soon as I get in, which I do and then I can have a cup of tea and waste the day. Makes me so much more positive about the day

I'm like this too OP but I don't believe that it's a problem or that there's anything wrong with me.

At least you know you can do it, so it's not lack of ability that's stopping you.

A strategy for overcoming procrastination is to focus on the benefits to you of doing the thing you need/want to do and not focus on the benefits of not doing it; e.g. staying comfy on the sofa etc.

List in your head all the plusses of doing it, for example, for cleaning you could think about how a less chaotic house enables you to think clearer, or you're going to get a physical workout, or reclaiming your tidy and clean space, or finding things you've lost.etc etc

Also once you've started you'll probably be away, I find it uses less energy to do it than to keep thinking about why you shouldn't do it.

What do you actually do though? Do you get up and dressed and make meals and just relax? I think that’s fine!

Oh God me too. Sometimes I'll just spend the first two hours scrolling.

PERSONALLY I think my phone has fucked my attention.

What's wrong with resting? I regularly 'do nothing' as an activity. It's good for you.