To think people who constantly publicly share their achievements have something to prove?

[JennyWren5]

I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts.

For example, I went to school and university with someone who was an acquaintance of mine, with a different friendship circle. She was and still is very, very clever and talented and pretty, with - in my view - everything going for her. She is absolutely smashing life right now in terms of her job and salary, and also has a partner and a lovely house.

I am not in touch with her, but follow her on social media out of choice and curiosity, and she publicly shares details of all her achievements on there.

As I’ve said, it is entirely my choice about whether or not I follow her on social media. I’m not jealous of what she has achieved. I actually find it quite motivating to see what she has achieved and to use it to help me work out what I want out of my life and what I’d like to achieve. If it wasn’t helpful, I would stop following her.

My AIBU is: because she posts most of her achievements publicly on social media, is she trying to prove something? And if so, what? (And before some wag pops up and says ‘dunno, ask her!’, of course I can’t.)

I think it’s pretty normal to post life events and things you’re proud of on SM. I post pics of my allotment and veg on mine! I don’t post everything though, in case it sounds like I’m bragging such as all of my DS’s achievements. Tone is important as well.

Thanks for this.

The person I’m posting about is someone I’d describe as a perfectionist. We both went to a school and uni where perfectionism and excellence was celebrated, even if it came with huge pressure and sacrifice. It was quite a toxic environment in many ways.

She now works in an industry with that same sort of culture, but seems very happy. I am in a different industry that suits me much better.

I suppose she fascinates me because she seems to ‘have it all’, judging by the very impressive things she has achieved whilst coping with significant pressure in her job. I’m just curious about what kind of person she must be to achieve all of those things - ie is it nature or nurture? I couldn’t do everything she has done - it would have made me really unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s not really about who she but what she represents, really.

Some people are just very active on social media and post a lot about their lives.
I don't think they are trying to prove anything, they just like social media

She’s got promoted since then and is on over £100k a year.

In my early thirties and no partner or kids.

Everyone I know well that does this are lonely irl. When I see they’re not sharing generally correlated with them having a tough time and so I’m relieved when they go back to posting again!

Yeah you’re jealous of something so looking at her page is like picking a scab. Lots of people do it.

Is she the same age? I am right in thinking you’ve never been friends with her?

It’s called Instagram vs Reality for a reason, unfollow her it will not be a true representation of real life

Yes, she and I am the same age. I don’t like your phrasing ‘am I right in thinking…?’ It sounds quite superior to me and like you’ve got a theory to prove. We were friendly at school and university, but not close.

Even without intending to do so, people’s SM posts are heavily curated. People don’t post bad pics of themselves, or mention their ordinary days. Such as ‘Today I didn’t get dressed until lunchtime, and I spent hours on Mumsnet, failing to do the household chores I’d planned’.
We tend to make our lives sound better than they are, cos we don’t post the bad or disappointing stuff. In your friend’s posts she doesn’t mention why she has left previous jobs, or the failures she has had along the way.

She wants to show people her happy life? She thinks it will make others like her more? You don't know anything whatsoever about what she doesn't post about. So I would either just assume she likes the attention and is proud of certain aspects of her life.

I was talking about this subject earlier. I work with a girl who is 20, I follow her instagram and she has always posted loads.. Pretty mundane stuff like her new dog ect.
In the last two years and I don’t know how her parents who she lives at home with have become millionaires.
Her selfies now are in a new absolutely stunning home.
She posted a video of her mums Christmas decorations.. Again no longer your standard decorations, it’s like something from Hello magazine.
Her dad got her a new car, a very expensive one.
The holidays have also changed.. Newyork at Christmas, Dubai and Jamaica at New Year.
She’s always posted loads like I said but instead of.. Newlook round a pool in Corfu, it’s Gucci
and Chanel.
I don’t know how her parents got so rich (lotto win?) and I did have a little nose by asking her if she still had to work and she told me no she doesn’t but she likes the job and would get bored otherwise.
Anyway the reason I was talking about her today is because of how uncomfortable I am finding the reaction from other work colleagues towards this girl.
So many bitchy comments and eye rolls when she posts a picture or comes in to work with another designer bag or talks about her holidays.
I could see it was getting to her so I had a word with her.. I told her that she isn’t doing a thing wrong.
The fact that the same people were happy to engage in her instagram when it was pictures of an all inclusive in Tenerife and now think her 5* trip to The Caribbean is her bragging are pure and simple jealous.
Of course they are, I’m jealous but am fully aware that is my problem and not hers.
What baffles me most is how they could very simply unfollow her but also that most of them are old enough to be her mother.
I know you say you aren’t but you do sound jealous op.

My point is - that you don’t have a relationship with her and in fact t you are antagonised by her BUT you also say that you use her posts as your motivation for your life goals. That is not healthy and really - just unfollow. Now. Go on… you can do it!!

Does she have kids OP?

I am generally happy to see most people's posts about achievements but agree with PP about tone. Some seem proud and happy which is lovely to see but others seem braggy which puts me off.

Some people seem to need external validation to fill some insecurities within them. The problem is it won't fix the insecurities so they keep trying. Not everyone though, most just genuinely want to share things.

Also, depending on your followers you need to read the room.

I think it might be a healthy step for you to unfollow her. Write a list of things you are proud of. They don't have to be qualifications or jobs, it can be anything. Also write things you would like to achieve or things that make you feel insecure/ not content and work on those.

I’ve just unfollowed her. Thank you! I know it’ll make me feel happier in the long run. I would only ever look at her profile when I was unhappy.

Well done!!! Seriously good on you

Thank you - this is a very good idea. And no, she doesn’t have kids.

I’m going to favourite this thread so I can come back to it when I’m in a low mood/feeling weak-willed haha.

Possibly because she seems to have lived a very lucky life, to be beautiful, intelligent, successful etc. this seems a bit obsessive and self harmy tbh.

She’s just some person you used to know, she’s not really important to you or to the life you actually lead. Do you have good healthy relationships yourself?

Good for you, I didn’t mean anything I said to be cruel but it did sound like it wasn’t helping you to follow her.

Thanks for this. I’ve now unfollowed the person I was talking about.

I’ve now unfollowed her. I think the life she posts on social media represents the life I’d like to have.

I am very content with many aspects of my life: I have great colleagues, lovely friends and a really nice family, I mostly like my job and it has good prospects, but there are still things I’d like to achieve. I’m a bit behind compared to her in terms of what she and I have achieved. But I have a lot of things I want to achieve this year, and I think they’re all achievable. I just need to keep working hard and be disciplined, and be strict when that toxic little voice in my head tells me I’m not good enough.

Listen; I totally get it. But other people’s achievements or success largely don’t affect me because I’m happy in my own life. Financially I’m on my arse. I’ll never be a homeowner. But I’m fulfilled creatively and have a kid, good friends, and am grateful for my life. So I love other people’s happiness. Focus on yourself, pour into your own cup, and then the rest won’t bother you.

Probably for the best, I used to look at an ex that I hadn’t got over who had moved on and got married. It was like stabbing myself in the heart, and was the reason I deleted Facebook.
Comparison is the thief of joy, but social media makes it so easy to keep picking that scab.