To think people who constantly publicly share their achievements have something to prove?

[JennyWren5]

I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts.

For example, I went to school and university with someone who was an acquaintance of mine, with a different friendship circle. She was and still is very, very clever and talented and pretty, with - in my view - everything going for her. She is absolutely smashing life right now in terms of her job and salary, and also has a partner and a lovely house.

I am not in touch with her, but follow her on social media out of choice and curiosity, and she publicly shares details of all her achievements on there.

As I’ve said, it is entirely my choice about whether or not I follow her on social media. I’m not jealous of what she has achieved. I actually find it quite motivating to see what she has achieved and to use it to help me work out what I want out of my life and what I’d like to achieve. If it wasn’t helpful, I would stop following her.

My AIBU is: because she posts most of her achievements publicly on social media, is she trying to prove something? And if so, what? (And before some wag pops up and says ‘dunno, ask her!’, of course I can’t.)

OP, you initially said she ‘posted so many details of her house and living situation on social media that I was very easily able to find out her address’ - that’s very different to ‘she posted her address on social media’.

She sounds totally normal, loads of people would share that sort of stuff. You however seem weirdly obsessed…

She did post her actual address on there though.

Funnily enough someone popped up on my TikTok claiming to have gone from teacher to massive paying job. I didn’t believe it- what company pays an ex teacher with no other experience loads of money? What could she possibly be doing for them up command a massive salary? Just sounds like lies

I know for a fact this isn’t made up. She went to a very good uni, which is probably why she’s in such a good job. Maybe I am a bit jealous of her and feel inadequate in comparison. How can I change my mindset? I am proud of what I’ve achieved so far, but still have stuff I want to achieve. I just feel she’s so much more motivated and disciplined than me.

To answer your question: no, I don’t think they have something to prove. I think they share their achievements because it’s a nice thing to share with friends. But you’re not this woman’s friend.

People who post constantly about their lives, have to mention their achievements or how amazing their relationships are tend to the most insecure and need the validation from others. I never believe everything I read online.

Can you explain what you actually mean by having 'something to prove' though? Do you mean you think she has some deep-seated trauma or difficult upbringing that has made her feel the need to share her achievements more than others might? That's possible, but tbh it's probably just that different people have different opinions about what they are happy to share on social media.

To use someone on social media with whom you don’t seem to have any relationship with, and infect seem very antagonised by, to basically drive your own life ambitions…. Is, to say the least, peculiar

Have you ever been friends with her?

I think that the mentality that being proud of your achievements/good things in your life, is 'showing off' is such a depressing attitude and its used to keep people 'in their place' (often by people doing the same/worse as them, interestingly) and you'd do well to think a bit harder on why that mentality might have come about before you decide you want to live your life this way.

You are proud of someone you vaguely knew at university? Honestly OP you need to stop following her, this doesn’t sound entirely healthy.

I don't think much about it. Maybe she's trying to build a following for some reason. DIL loves clothes. She had a page where she posted what she wore. She wasn't usually an oversharer (you wouldn't find her address or know she has DGD) and this was seperate to her personal Instagram page. Does anyone still use Facebook? With just a few thousand followers the amount of expensive clothes, make-up, jewellery, trips, etc. she was gifted was unbelievable.
I can only imagine the monetary value of having a lot of followers.

She had no experience though. Great unis don’t lead to high paying jobs on their own.

of course she might be a well connected master hustler and good on her, but it’s massively unusual

Yes - it’s probably not entirely healthy. That’s what I need to hear. I just don’t really understand why I still follow her and why I compare my life to hers. We’re very different people, with different upbringings, but something about her inspires her but also really pisses me off. Has anyone else ever had this?

I’m sure she’s got appropriate experience. By all accounts, she’s doing very well.

But I think this is telling me more about me than about her - like, why does she trigger me so much? What do I want that she has?

I’ve done loads of things I’m proud of, I’ve got a lovely family, great friends, but there’s obviously something there that keeps me looking at what she’s doing/achieved when i go on Instagram - which is rare.

I like seeing peoples achievements, they are sharing their happiness and in a sad messed up world it’s nice to see people happy? I don’t think it’s bragging at all. If I was winning awards (not going to happen) or if I did something amazing, I would want to share it. It’s ok to be proud of your achievements and share them with others.

She doesn’t have something to prove, she’s just proud of what she has achieved?

Why shouldn’t she? I always tell people when I get a new job. I told everyone when I got my PhD. Actually, a friend and I celebrate every year the joint anniversary of when we got our PhDs. Whenever I get something new published or a student of mine publishes something we’ve worked on, I tell people. I’ve worked hard for that and it’s nice to celebrate the good stuff you’ve done.

I’d much rather hear about that stuff than what Sarah had in her overnight oats last night or how many shots Bob did before he vomited and someone took a ridiculous photo of him.

Do you feel that she has achieved in life without paying her dues, and you have paid your dues twice? That can sting I suppose.

I don't past on SM but when I did it was just fun stuff. Some people do feel the need to show their achievements for approval and responses, others may just be so happy to share to inspire what they've managed to do.

I have a friend who changed her life around and now does marathons, I feel proud for her. Some others are yawn with posts of look at our matching Christmas outfits.

I think it’s possible- for example I was at school/ uni with someone who now owns a business that’s had a bit of press and won a few awards.

I really liked her but she was such an unusual person- she had these sort of personas through life (all played out on social media from SMs inception)

-the Over talented musician (claimed to play 28 instruments, most she had only had a go with, not able to “play”

-the media party girl (worked in tv in the noughties)

-the corporate money maker (late 20s)

-the burnt out hippy renovating her house with her boyfriend

-the earth mother with the small, funky creative wedding

-the home based family business owner with an idealic wholesome family life and great storytelling to go with the brand (which also recounts all the above lifestory)

the thing is, she had this really weird way about her whereby she would decide a persona and just make it happen.

All the above personas ended fairly badly - on reflection she must’ve been exhausted at the graft and pretence - and she would recharge before developing the next persona.

There was always something not quite right; that the idealic family business included a objectively poor marriage, that the tv career never quite got out of junior dogsbody- that the music was not really true- and I felt sorry for her really, because it never seemed like any of it was authentically her- it was almost like she either didn’t know who was, or didn’t like herself

somewhat long but it made me realise I do sort of get what is meant by “having something to prove” by posting all the carefully crafted achievements on social media

Hold on OP- not to labour the point but you said she spent a few years being a teacher and then went into a high paying corporate job.

so when she got that high paying job she had no relevant experience did she? She’d just bee a teacher.

The high paying job she went into was a graduate job, which was similar to the internships she’d done throughout university.

I’m presuming she used the experience and transferable skills from her internships and teaching to get her high-paying graduate job.

I’m genuinely not too concerned about that. I do think she was hired because she was the right candidate for the job.

I mean yes, she’s proving that she has achieved all these things and is proud of it. That’s why anyone posts this kind of stuff on social media. I’m never sure what people mean by ‘has something to prove’ because yeah… she’s proven she has a nice house/job etc.

Oh not that high paying then 😂 don’t tease us

How old are you @JennyWren5 ?
do you have a partner? Children?