Happy for My Friend, But Finding This Hard

[Llandudnocamping]

I’m struggling with something and would really appreciate some outside perspective.

I’ve made a new friend who has recently lost a lot of weight using Mounjaro. I am genuinely pleased for her, but she talks about it constantly and often sends me photos of herself. The tricky part is that I’m a similar weight now to what she was when she started, so it’s hard not to compare myself.

She’s also been giving me her old clothes. I know this is meant kindly, and I don’t think there’s any bad intent, but I can’t afford weight loss injections myself and I’m trying to lose weight through calorie counting and increasing my steps. Progress is very slow, which is frustrating.

I also live with a chronic illness, chronic pain, and fatigue, which makes weight loss much harder both physically and mentally. Some days just getting through the day feels like an achievement.

I know this is partly my own issue, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to be around her because the constant focus on weight loss makes me feel embarrassed and inadequate. I feel awful admitting that, because she hasn’t done anything “wrong” and I don’t want to be unsupportive or resentful.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you protect your mental health in situations like this without damaging a friendship or feeling unreasonable?

To be honest I find most of the people who lose a lot of weight on mounjaro don't bloody shut up about it. They're almost becoming the new vegans where you'll know they're on it because they can't help but tell you.

It's very annoying. All this "oh I couldn't possibly eat all that" it's so ironic.

You’re not being in the least unreasonable. It would be desperately full even if it wasn’t distressing for you for reasons that are v understandable — she’s a weight bore. If not engaging with weight comments and changing the subject doesn’t work, then I’d ask her gently to change the record. Ask her if she realises how much she talks about a single subject, and while you appreciate she’s excited about it, it’s getting a bit much. If you’re very close, tell her what you said here.

Above all, prioritise your own mental health.

Could you say something to her kindly. "Friend I'm so pleased for you, genuinely, but at the same time I'm also struggling myself. It would really help me if we focused more on topics that weren't about weight. I know weightloss is a big part of your life right now, so perhaps it's a big ask. Would really appreciate your support if that's something you feel able to do."

Actually I think she has done something wrong. I think she’s being very insensitive and indeed rude. In short, the problem is her not you. Friends should not make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe she’s not the friend for you.

^ This, I was just about to say the same. The biggest difference is that it's rich people who are doing it, whereas anyone can be a vegan.

This is awful but is she hinting for you to go on them not thinking you can’t? You’ll get there op, just remember a step back day after two one step forward days meand you’ve only taken one step back. Being exhausted there will be times you can’t do what you can other days x

I’m surprised at this. I haven’t told anyone outside my household (except for medical reasons) and this isn’t uncommon. In fact WLI threads are often full of people outraged that people keep their WLI use private.

That said, the friend is being an arse.

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Then in a year they pile the weight back on and they decide “they enjoy their food too much “ and start picking on the naturally slim women .
Tbh op I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to feel like you do. My friend is similar but about money , the old her was as tight as a duck. But now she’s got inheritance she can’t stop banging on about spending money and “well it’s only £30” she never used to want to spend 30p . Friendships change I’ve come to realise when you’ve no longer got anything in common and one of you changes . You can’t have the same conversations anymore. it’s a shame . Maybe you need to see her less coz it can start affecting your confidence . 1 that she’s losing weight and rubbing it in your face and 2 coz you can’t afford to do that .
Im sure she will be back once the fad of weight jabs wears off .

I used to work with someone who quit smoking but didn’t actually want too and he would go on and on to the smokers when they would come in after a fag “ewww you smell like an ashtray “
“im glad ive given up that filthy habit” then every now and then he would stand with them almost frothing at the mouth taking in the smell til someone offered him a fag and he would give in and almost bite their hand off 😂😂 then back to the comments “I don’t know why you don’t give that up” 😂

You’re not the problem here, friend is being awful.

YANBU OP. I cannot stand people who go on about weight, and give you a run down on their daily food intake to begin with. Add in the injections, and the insensitivity to you, self absorbed and awful. I'd distance yourself if that is all she talks about! 🥱

I think I’d say, ‘I’m pleased for you and I know you mean it kindly and generously when you give me your weight-loss clothes but it does feel a bit sensitive for me to be reminded I’m the size you don’t want to be.’

YANBU. I find people who constantly go on about their weight and “diets” really boring anyway, but your friend is being really thoughtless.

Have you just tried talking to her and telling her how you feel and that you'd appreciate her not talking about it constantly (even without the way it makes you feel about yourself - it sounds bloody dull!)? And that while you appreciate her kindness over the clothes, you'd prefer she didn't offer you any more?

She has done something wrong. She's being self-centred and very insensitive. I'm on MJ and can't imagine giving too big clothes to a friend or even mentioning WL in similar circumstances. I wouldn't be so quick to assume she has good intentions. Some people love to have a larger friend to emphasise their WL. It's not necessarily conscious but what matters is the effect on you.

One friend in our group was like this and continually commented on our food when we went for lunch. Another friend got really annoyed about the constant comments about how little mourjano friend ate. After having enough of listening to it non mourjano friend wasn’t too pleasant about the volume of food mourjano friend used to eat, how she’s not changed her lifestyle and will put weight on when she comes off it. Mourjano friend hasn’t spoken to any of us since. Some folk are just weird. I’d have seen the point of her trying to sell the benefits of it if any of us were overweight but we’re all a healthy bmi!

Thanks for all replies. I was worried I was being unreasonable.
She is super tiny now but says she’s going up a dose as she wants to get even slimmer and doesn’t think she’s slim enough yet.

Sympathies, mounjaro bores are the worst. The most tedious part is where they drone on about finally having control over food… while they are still on the jabs.

Just say you don’t want to discuss weight loss. Change the subject, each and every time.

Are you referring to a specific person here when you say Then in a year they pile the weight back on and they decide “they enjoy their food too much “ and start picking on the naturally slim women because I've never seen that happen anywhere in real life or online.

A similar happened to me when my colleague had bariatric surgery.
I was a healthy size 12 and she was obese.

It was not friendly, it was pure bitchiness but disguised as being my ‘friend’ by wanting to give me her old clothes as there’s no way she’d fit into them after surgery.

She lost loads of weight but had put it back on by the time she came back to work.

She then went on MJ and started the same old crap again.
She lost a decent amount of weight and was being bitchy about anyone bigger than a size 10 but 6 months later has put it all back on and is now being bitchy to slimmer women.

Some people have to drag others down to feel better about themselves.

I would just be unavailable for her.
She’s had weight issues and knows what it’s like and knows how hurtful any comments are.

She’ll likely think it’s because you’re jealous but the majority of people put the weight back on it struggle to maintain it and so just remember how she treated you now when that time comes.

I think some people are projecting.

I have noticed on threads if someone mentions weight regain or potential side effects some posters get immediately defensive and take it as a personal attack.

If WLI work for them then why get so triggered by stating facts.

Smile sweetly when she gives you clothes and then put them on Vinted.

This ‘friend’ knows exactly what she’s doing, and is a bully, so if you’re going to stay friends with her you might as well get something out of it!

(But, really, I would drop her.)

Do you want the clothes? If not, just say no that’s, they’re not my style, I have all the clothes I need.

Either tell her that you find the constant talk of weight boring, or if you don’t like confrontation, don’t say anything. When she mentions it, just leave a pause and talk about something completely different.

You need to say no thanks when she iffers you her old clothes for a start! bitch move.