To ask if you would report a friend…

[Catsfredwilma]

….who regularly drives whilst under the influence of drink and drugs.
Not asking for all the reasons why reporting is the right thing to do. (Crime stoppers, anonymously).
Asking genuinely, would you honestly actually do it??
YABU….no, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get my friend in trouble.
YANBU….yes, absolutely, I would report.

Baffles me that someone like a head teacher would take the risk.

Risk of causing death aside, she’d be in the local papers for it. “Head teacher loses job after drink driving conviction”. Can you actually imagine the humiliation and embarrassment of that?! That puts me off more than anything!

At 5 pints anyone would still blow well over the limit, even if they seem fairly sober.

Drink drive limits are not the same as impaired driving, because someone can be below the limit but driving whilst unfit through drink or drugs. Separate offences for exactly that reason.

Yeah I take a pretty hard line. To the colleagues saying to stay out of it - are they fine with potential fatal accidents of loved ones, family, children?

The worst cases of child abuse for example have a ‘stay out of it’ element.

If someone wants to do something at home and can only ever affect themselves thats one thing but when they get into a deadly weapon and use it while high/drunk thats where I draw the line.

I think it’s quite common amongst educators to be honest. I have a university client at the moment and the is an unusually high number of alcohol dependant staff.

i still recall having alcoholic teachers at secondary school (the 90s, im sure they wouldn’t get away with being drunk at work now!)

I was in a similar position. My aunt who was an alcoholic and used to drive absolutely paralytic to shops to buy more booze. She was so drunk she used a mop and a golf club to stagger to the car and into the shop. Her neighbours kept phoning her daughter, my cousin to raise concerns after they saw her almost mow someone down on a zebra crossing. My cousin would tell me and was too frightened to report it as she knew she’d get a massive backlash from her so I said I would. I rang the local police to her and explained the whole situation. They went round for a chat and her car was not taxed or insured but parked on a private car park so they couldn’t prosecute but told her they would be watching her and if they ever saw her driving the car they would stop her, breathalyse her and also prosecute for no tax and insurance. They advised her to sell the car in view of her long term alcoholism which she did in the end. My parents and I endured months of abusive calls and voicemails but at least she didn’t kill anyone, for which I couldn’t have lived with myself, knowing what she was doing.

Yes I would
And yes I have

My mum was killed by a drunk driver so I would hope people would report. Realistically I don't think reporting after the fact would do anything but if someone got in a car drunk I hope I'd report and give the reg number. Realistically I'm shy and scared to rock.the boat though so whether I actually would im not sure

Absolutely. Have done so before and would do again.

I have and would again.
Drugged/drunk drivers kill.

I am so sorry, how dreadful.
When reporting to Crimestoppers, you are reporting someone who regularly drinks/drives. Telling them everything you know about their habits and patterns, so the police are more likely to pull them over in the future (or sit and wait for them somewhere to catch them at it).
Hopefully saving a crash about to happen.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss, that must be so hard to carry with you x

Yes i’d report. Long term you’re trying to protect them (and of course other road users) from them killing themselves or finding themselves in prison.

Yes. And our friendship probably wouldn’t continue or be low contact.

My husband sent an anonymous letter to our local police station to report our scummy neighbor , in it he told them the mans patterns and times.
We actual watched his arrest , he could barely stand up he was so drunk.
I could not rest knowing this about someone and I would act on it .
Do it anonymously and repeatedly and the police will act.

tbh, this is not a happy story. I was all ‘yay, tell the police’ till I read this. This will have had a devastating and long term/ possibly life long effect on the kids and their family. So reporting wasn’t a clear cut case of protecting the kids, was it? The kids will have experienced trauma due to the trauma the family went through, the family broke up, the mother lost her job and god knows if she ever recovered financially or mentally, the kids living with a mentally and materially traumatized mother. The kids being socially ostracized by losing friends. It’s awful.

Honestly, it’s made me rethink if I would report in that situation.

I think I would be more assertive about insisting they don’t drink, grab their bag to get the keys etc.

This is where I stand too. Prosecutions are not kept private and employers take an interest even in non driving jobs.

the policy of public humiliation has undoubtedly reduced drunk driving and made it sociallly unacceptable. But the consequences for those caught can be excessive, and have an excessive impact on their ability to live as functional citizens

Yes and I’d tell them that I was going to as well.

Same here. I’d tell them to their face.

Who on earth needs a ‘friend’ who drives under the influence?

I have done this. We were both quite young (19/20) and I reported him and told the nightclub security and police outside because he said he stupidly drove home drunk a couple of weeks prior, and then on that night about 2am told me he was going to drive his car home to avoid taxi fee!! I tried to tell him to not be so silly and I thought that 2 weeks prior was a mistake yet he wants to do so again?

I wouldn’t want my friend, or an innocent person be killed because of drunk driving.

I would also say, are you sure you want to be friends with this sort of person?

Absolutely I would, and drug drivers too.
Watching Police Interceptors has made me question if cars should have breathalyser, for both, fitted.
My friend worked in a petrol station and couldn't believe the number of people who bought alcohol daily, she said the majority were people you would never imagine drink driving.
It's actually worrying how many people get "done" on the way to work.

And the devastating effect of killing children in a car accident, either her own, her friends’ kids or anyone else involved, will be much, much worse. Definitely ‘life long effect’ if someone dies.

TBH I don’t know how you can share these views when there are PP’s on here sharing that their family members have been killed by a drunk/drugged driver. What about their lives and the ‘life long effect’ you are keen to avoid.

Nobody can be there 100% to ‘grab her bag/keys’.

You might support someone to get help and address their issues, but not stand by and let them continue to drive, putting themselves and others at risk.

But the poster who sadly lost her mum wasn’t sure that she would report. Life isn’t as black and white as some people would like.

I totally disagree.

The long term effects of someone's criminal actions are the natural consequences of their decisions.

That woman created every one of those consequences by putting multiple children at risk - other people's kids as well as her own.

For the sake of a few glasses of wine.

I absolutely do not give a fuck about the immediate or long term effects on that woman and her life. I feel sorry for her kids that she turned out to be such a shitty parent, but that's her fault and not theirs.

TBH, I don't know how you can come on a discussion site if you can't cope with people having views you don't like. 🙄

Understanding the impact of reporting on the children made me rethink. Additional facts can do that, you know. There's a risk of an accident if they drive, there's a certainty of a devastating impact if you do report. There are other ways to prevent someone from drinking and driving on that occasion you are at. Telling them you will phone the police if they get in the car will stop most people, I am sure. Sure you are not there every time they drive, but, and this may surprise you, someone being arrested and prosecuted for drinking and driving is not guaranteed to stop them drinking and driving either. People who have lost their licenses are arrested for driving cars every day.

I didn't even say I wouldn't report them, I said it made me rethink. It expanded my understanding. Before I just thought it was simple - report and be the hero who saves the day - all that has happened is you have stopped a bad thing from maybe happening. Now I understand you are actually causing another bad thing to happen. This is not as clear cut as I thought.

My concern is for the kids.

The primary concern should also be to stop the person getting into a car when they have consumed large amounts of alcohol. Especially if they are putting three kids in the car with them. Not tutting as they put the kids in and then calling the police.

Its uncomfortable making a scene by standing your ground, taking handbags or keys, threatening to call the police, but having read this my primary goal would be to stop them getting into the car, regardless of how much of a scene that might create. Especially if there were kids.

And if you fail to stop her or get the keys? Have you ever tried to manage a drunk person determined to drive? I have, a few times, and every times it's become a massive blazing row including with my father.

Sometimes the safest thing and the correct thing to do is phone 999.

Your concern for the kids is very nice but yours also going to upset them by challenging the woman and wrestling keys out of hands, so you need to be prepared for all sorts of issues you'll have to manage.

In that situation, you'll also have to contact the other parents to pick up their kids or take them home themselves - and explain why. So that changes nothing on that front anyway.

Stopping one event of drink driving does nothing to protect kids who are already being neglected by a parent in favour of alcohol. Reports to social services will not happen, long term support and monitoring wl not happen - in my view it's pushing the problem down the road.