AIBU to give DD (7) the downstairs bedroom?

[girlrunningoncheese]

We have DD1 (6), DS (4) & baby DD2 (6mo). For now, the baby sleeps in our room but we’d like to move her into her own room over the next few months. The dilemma is, we have 3 bedrooms upstairs and a 4th (/reception room) downstairs. It’s a weird layout but the rooms/house are big and spacious - this was the compromise to get a house the size we wanted!

my question is, would it be wildly dangerous/mean/isolating to give DD1 the downstairs bedroom? It’s big and light, but I’m worried she’ll feel scared or lonely downstairs on her own. She’s quite sensitive (which is why I haven’t asked her opinion yet) but also sensible and not particularly wild.

I don’t really want me and DH to move downstairs, at least until DD2 is older and doesn’t need us so much at night. And I would rather that the kids don’t share unless there’s no option, mainly because the older ones sleep well and I don’t want them disturbed by a toddler.

YANBU - DD1 will be fine downstairs, you’re overthinking it and loads of kids sleep on different floors to their parents
YABU - it’s not safe to have a 7 yo on her own downstairs (I say 7 as she likely will be by the time we’d move her).

for full disclosure, my parents slept up a different staircase to me when I was a child! (Tiny cottage, not a mansion 🤣) but my sibling was in the room next door to me and it never occurred to us to mind.

I wouldn’t - but our house was recently broken into so I’m twitchy about the kids being downstairs overnight on their own now. I’d have the older kids share for a few years and then reassess. My son and daughter shared until we moved house when they were a bit older than yours.

A newly turned 7 year old. Honestly no I wouldn't, she will probably feel pretty excluded being on a floor by herself. Can she share with her brother for a few years and then you can juggle around the rooms again.

Personally, I’d be fine with a child on a different floor but I wouldn’t want them to be on the floor below me. I suspect it’s somewhat irrational but I’d always want to me closest to the entrances to the house.

I would have DS and DD share upstairs for a couple of years, tbh. Then make a big deal of a new grown up bedroom for her downstairs.

I would probably have the older two share for a couple of years and then reassess when your DD goes to high school. I’d use the reception room as a playroom/family room for now.

I'd have the eldest 2 share for 2-3 years and only then move someone downstairs.

I wouldn’t I’m afraid, I don’t think it’s hugely dangerous or anything it just wouldn’t feel right with a 7 yo. If the rooms are big, I’d take the biggest and section into 2 with some floor to ceiling ikea kallax units or similar for the other 2. Or you move downstairs and use a monitor for baby.

No way. My parents were broken into a few years ago - a child asleep on the ground floor will be incredibly vulnerable.

I have no issue with kids sleeping on different floors in general, but not alone on the ground floor.

We live in a town house with a very similar set up. We've agreed my eldest will move to the downstairs room when she goes to high school, until then the youngest two are sharing (luckily they love it). We might actually convert it into two bedrooms (its big enough) so the eldest two can be down there together when they are older.

The fourth "bedroom" is at the back of the house, window facing a completely enclosed garden and in a fairly nice area .... but it just doesn't feel right for us to have her so separate.

Even before you mentioned she was quite sensitive, I didn't love the plan... It feels isolating and pretty dangerous. She's only 6/7 and could still make decisions that turn out to be dangerous. Plus would you feel comfortable her being closest to the door, garden and so on? I'm Not Sure I would, at this point.

Would it work if the two eldest shared and the ground floor room was a playroom? So they had an amazing set up, and brilliant space to play? /then move her when she suggests she would prefer a room of her own, as she will be older and more mature by then...

Nope. Fires usually begin downstairs and intruders always break in downstairs.

I wouldn’t, it’s better that you do more walking up and down the stairs than leaving a 7 year old down there alone.

It’s not irrational in the slightest. It’s how most people think.

Nope. Let them share and use the other room as a play room until one of them wants their own room.

or you and dh take the downstairs bedroom.

I wouldn’t put a child downstairs until teens and even then I’d still rather move myself for break in reasons.

I wouldn’t be keen tbh. Could 2 kids share and have the downstairs room as a playroom?

@KilkennyCats I’m actually surprised at how many people feel the same and I thought it was me being over-anxious. It’s reassuring to know that it’s actually what most people feel too!

No i wouldn't put her downstairs. Can't they share rooms till they're older?

No way, not on the ground floor. The children may sleep well now but a sensitive child only needs to be spooked once to spoil that, regardless of how sensible and “not wild” (?) she is. Do you have a downstairs toilet? What about if she needs to operate an upstairs stair gate during the night? If she calls out she’ll disturb the others anyway. Quite apart from the reasons others have already mentioned. You say the rooms are large, I think they need to share at least until your eldest is leaving primary. You could put a sofa bed in the proposed downstairs bedroom and try it as a “treat” on a Saturday night once in a while when she is a few years older.

I had a friend who started to sleepwalk at around 10/11. She almost left the house a few times but her parents would hear her going downstairs . If she had been on a different floor she might have gone outside without being guided back to bed.

Personally no, I wouldn’t. I’m probably projecting a bit thought as even as an adult I wouldn’t want a ground floor bedroom out of fear of burglars! Feel much safer upstairs.

I wouldn’t. I’d have the 6 and 4 year old sharing for a couple of years, and then I’d probably move myself down to the ground floor.

No I wouldn’t. Have the older two share. If rooms are small, redecorate it neutral with some bits on each of their side, only their beds need to be in there. Their clothing etc can be in the downstairs bedroom with a play space. Re-evaluate in a couple of years but I would suggest you and DH are downstairs from then really. A child on their own floor downstairs doesn’t feel right.

I don’t have kids myself, but the arrangement you describe is very similar to the setup in our house under its previous owners. They had 5 YO twins who had 2 of the 3 bedrooms upstairs and their 7 YO DS was downstairs in what is now our study. Their Mum was very honest that the oldest hated the arrangement so mostly the two twins shared and the eldest stayed upstairs too. I’m sure it will be fine when she’s older but I’d suggest caution for now

I would not leave any of my children downstairs until they are teenagers. No way would I even consider it for a 7yo.

Upstairs, possibly depending on the layout, downstairs? surely not.

Why can't you move downstairs?

If you put a baby in another room than yours, makes no difference if you go upstairs or next door.

At worst, make them share a room, but for me it would be a hard no.

Thanks everyone - seems like it’s pretty unanimous!
The issue is that the older 2 have never had to share and although they get on very well, I feel bad for imposing it on them now. Also the rooms are decent sizes but not really big enough to partition either permanently or temporarily.
Will have to think more carefully about us moving downstairs or persuade them to share!