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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Update incoming: AIBU to expect a birthday present

33 replies

Thinkingof2026 · 23/01/2026 06:48

So some of you may have read my thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5474719-to-ask-if-this-is-what-long-marriage-looks-like?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Just by means of an update, he's still not talking to me nearly 3 weeks now

And yesterday was my birthday

He got a generic happy birthday card from the DDs and that's it.

My DD11 got up early and decorated for me and sung me happy birthday with an apple turnover she'd made in school the day before.

She asked me in the sweetest voice "have you not got any presents...did you not ask for anything?"

So yeh, he's left me with the emotional load of dealing with that too.

Add this on top of the fact that my mum had a stroke in September, my dad died in October, my mum has had multiple hospital admissions since then due to complications so ive also "lost" my mum, or at least the version of her that was my mum

DD11 is ASD and im dealing with a lot with school with her and ive "taken on" my brother who is also ASD and needa a lot of suplort who was previously supported by mum / dad

But yeh, obviously "D"H needs are a priority and im a terrible person for not prioritising them.

I thought he would get me at least a token gift from the girls. A packet of fruit pastilles, a keyring, anything. But no, that was too much effort for him.

Im done

Im getting my ducks in a row

This is the end.

To ask if this is what long marriage looks like? | Mumsnet

Married 8 years, together 18, two children (11 and 7). Husband works shifts and is often exhausted. I used to work shifts but recently got promoted to...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5474719-to-ask-if-this-is-what-long-marriage-looks-like

OP posts:
christmaspudding43 · 23/01/2026 09:52

Christ some of you like to put the boot in don't you?

Wishing you all the best with what happens next OP, as someone else said, your next birthday can be so much better.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/01/2026 09:55

Why are you continuing to allow your daughter live in this environment, there is more ways than the obvious to neglect your children. She is learning from his behaviour and your reaction to it.
Are you going to continue tolerating this sulking BS?

Thinkingof2026 · 23/01/2026 10:06

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/01/2026 09:55

Why are you continuing to allow your daughter live in this environment, there is more ways than the obvious to neglect your children. She is learning from his behaviour and your reaction to it.
Are you going to continue tolerating this sulking BS?

No you're right, and ive really noticed it in the girls this time.

My eldest doesn't really get along with him anyway

But my youngest does, but this time something has shifted. She wants me to put her to bed every night (rather than alternative me and DH). It's different and subtle but its there.

And that's given me the courage to do something.

Im weak, clearly. Ive put up with his shit for too long

But if the last 6 months have taught me anything, about my mum and dad, its shown me just how strong I can be. And I know I will be okay

OP posts:
Gloopsy · 23/01/2026 10:59

Im weak, clearly. Ive put up with his shit for too long

No you are NOT weak. It is a scary time, and as mums we do the best for our kids in the situation we are coping with that day.

And then the shutters come down one day and that is when we say "enough".

People looking in can understandably ask why you waited so long, but no-one knows how long you have been processing it all for.

The most important thing is - NOW is the right time, and there is no going back. Onwards and upwards for you and your girls

Idontthinkicandothisanymore · 23/01/2026 11:02

You are NOT. Do not let yourself say that.
you’ve had a shitty 6 months which is still ongoing with your mum and your H is being a shit when you need him the most. Fuck him.

saraclara · 23/01/2026 12:05

Please, please, do whatever you need to do quickly, to avoid him having a claim on your inheritance.
Check your home insurance for a free 24 hour legal helpline. Nearly all insurers provide one, even if you don't have legal cover. Mine was a lifesaver. You just need some basic advice on how to protect yourself and your inheritance.

bigboykitty · 23/01/2026 12:15

You can initiate formal separation as a starting point to protect your future inheritance. Your life will be so much better when you ditch this deadweight @Thinkingof2026 . Happy Birthday for yesterday. How sweet of your daughter to bake for you. I wouldn't be glossing over his behaviour. I'd just have said 'no, no presents. But apple turnover - how absolutely wonderful'. Your children will find out he's a total cunt soon enough, if they don't know already. And they probably do know, from what you've said.

MysticChevron · 23/01/2026 12:19

What an absolute cunt. I’m raging on your behalf, OP.

Happy belated birthday though, and congratulations on raising such a beautiful, thoughtful child. May your next birthday and all birthdays to follow be full of joy, blessings and peace. X

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