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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD relationship age gap.

51 replies

novablast · 22/01/2026 21:03

My DD is 24 and she has recently ended up in a ‘relationship’ with a 36 year old.
He has two children to a previous woman. He only sees the kids every other weekend and lives alone where dd plans to move in with him.
AIBU to think they are at complete different stages of life and it won’t work and that it is a red flag he only sees his children two days out of fourteen? Do I have a leg to stand on by bringing this up to DD if she says she’s happy?

OP posts:
TheDaringFawn · 22/01/2026 21:05

Tread carefully to avoid isolating her if she is smitten, id be concerned though

Lady2026 · 22/01/2026 21:14

There adults wether you like it or not, it's nothing to do with you. It it goes tits up a good parent will always be there and if it doesn't then even better

Bringemout · 22/01/2026 21:17

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy, it’ll wear off I think. So many of these mens start passing the buck with their kids, hopefully your DD will soon see how he restricts her life. Just listen and be supportive, don’t criticise him, it’ll make her dig her heals in.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 22/01/2026 21:19

Say nothing. Be there when it inevitably falls apart. What a mid 30s man with 2 kids has in common with an early 20s woman is a red flag in itself.

Hopefully she will see a man who sees his children 4 days a month. Is actually a bit of a loser.

SexyFrenchDepression · 22/01/2026 21:20

I can't imagine being that worked up about a 24 yo in a fairly reasonable age gap relationship. Its not a massive difference.

I agree that every other weekend is not a lot to see your kids but we dont actually know the reasons for this, may not be his choice or doing.

aibutohavethisusername · 22/01/2026 21:22

Similar my DD is 24, guy is 35 I think with a 12 year old child.

cuppitycakes · 22/01/2026 21:23

Slightly different perspective. I was the 24 year old in virtually identical circumstances. Family were horrified. 30 years on we are still very happy and everyone (including everyone who was sceptical) loves him.

cuppitycakes · 22/01/2026 21:24

Should add - we have very close relationship with his older children and now grandchildren.

Redpeach · 22/01/2026 21:25

I'd want to know why the relationship with the mother of his children ended

Lmnop22 · 22/01/2026 21:38

I don’t think this is particularly red flag relationship just because of the age difference and it’s very common for dad’s to see their children every other weekend in a coparenting relationship….

MoominMai · 22/01/2026 21:46

SexyFrenchDepression · 22/01/2026 21:20

I can't imagine being that worked up about a 24 yo in a fairly reasonable age gap relationship. Its not a massive difference.

I agree that every other weekend is not a lot to see your kids but we dont actually know the reasons for this, may not be his choice or doing.

Numerically it’s not but I wouldn’t be thrilled about my DD in her early 20s dating a man heading very shortly into his 40s and with 2 kids from a failed relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

Liquoriceallsortsmadear · 22/01/2026 21:50

Keep out of it - you will only drive her towards

but let her know your there if she needs a sounding board

Liquoriceallsortsmadear · 22/01/2026 21:50

MoominMai · 22/01/2026 21:46

Numerically it’s not but I wouldn’t be thrilled about my DD in her early 20s dating a man heading very shortly into his 40s and with 2 kids from a failed relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited
Show quote history

He’s mid 30s and she’s mid 20s

JanuaryJasmine · 22/01/2026 21:53

Redpeach · 22/01/2026 21:25

I'd want to know why the relationship with the mother of his children ended

Her DD is 24, at what point do you think that kind of thing is. NONE if your business?!

JanuaryJasmine · 22/01/2026 21:54

Liquoriceallsortsmadear · 22/01/2026 21:50

He’s mid 30s and she’s mid 20s

Show quote history

Definitely!!

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 22/01/2026 21:54

Bloody Hell we are infantalising them even more!

She's 24, she's an adult, she's old than the 21 MN likes tout, she's not at uni ....

You've no idea why he only sees them every other weekend to call that a red flag.

Newyearawaits · 22/01/2026 21:55

TheDaringFawn · 22/01/2026 21:05

Tread carefully to avoid isolating her if she is smitten, id be concerned though

This
If you raise objections or criticise, you may alienate her from u

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 22/01/2026 21:56

MoominMai · 22/01/2026 21:46

Numerically it’s not but I wouldn’t be thrilled about my DD in her early 20s dating a man heading very shortly into his 40s and with 2 kids from a failed relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited
Show quote history

They're both pretty much mid of their age bracket!

Netcurtainnelly · 22/01/2026 22:03

novablast · 22/01/2026 21:03

My DD is 24 and she has recently ended up in a ‘relationship’ with a 36 year old.
He has two children to a previous woman. He only sees the kids every other weekend and lives alone where dd plans to move in with him.
AIBU to think they are at complete different stages of life and it won’t work and that it is a red flag he only sees his children two days out of fourteen? Do I have a leg to stand on by bringing this up to DD if she says she’s happy?

😃😅
Age gap rubbish again.
12 years big deal.

I should keep your thoughts to yourself unless you want to fall out with her.

Have you once asked her if she's happy. If he treats her well etc.

Just decided the age gap is too big.
Sad.

Netcurtainnelly · 22/01/2026 22:05

MoominMai · 22/01/2026 21:46

Numerically it’s not but I wouldn’t be thrilled about my DD in her early 20s dating a man heading very shortly into his 40s and with 2 kids from a failed relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited
Show quote history

Perhaps your daughter isn't very happy about your dating choices.
It's nothing to do with you.

Obvs not concerned about her hapiness
Just how it doesn't sit well with you.

Sad.

SexyFrenchDepression · 22/01/2026 22:10

Redpeach · 22/01/2026 21:25

I'd want to know why the relationship with the mother of his children ended

Really? You think thats necessary info for you to have about your adult daughters partner?

Original poster
novablast · 22/01/2026 22:25

Feel like I need to clear a few things up.
I talk to DD and haven’t made her aware of my doubts. I am supportive and have made it very clear it is completely up to her what she chooses to do with her life and I’ll always be there.
However I have tried to mention subtly that there is a lot to consider for example is she ready to potentially soon become a step mother figure to two young children. She also wants her own children in the future and will he want to do it all again in a few years time.
Also she doesn’t know why the previous relationship failed as he does not talk about it other than ‘it didn’t work’.

OP posts:
Nameymcnamechange25 · 23/01/2026 09:59

novablast · 22/01/2026 22:25

Feel like I need to clear a few things up.
I talk to DD and haven’t made her aware of my doubts. I am supportive and have made it very clear it is completely up to her what she chooses to do with her life and I’ll always be there.
However I have tried to mention subtly that there is a lot to consider for example is she ready to potentially soon become a step mother figure to two young children. She also wants her own children in the future and will he want to do it all again in a few years time.
Also she doesn’t know why the previous relationship failed as he does not talk about it other than ‘it didn’t work’.

If it was my child I would have similar concerns. It's not so much the age gap but the different life stages. You know where your daughter is at in her life right now and if until now it's been very far away from the settling down and being step mum stage, then it is natural that it would worry you. I hope it all works out well. Have they been together long?

IamnotSethRogan · 23/01/2026 10:12

novablast · 22/01/2026 22:25

Feel like I need to clear a few things up.
I talk to DD and haven’t made her aware of my doubts. I am supportive and have made it very clear it is completely up to her what she chooses to do with her life and I’ll always be there.
However I have tried to mention subtly that there is a lot to consider for example is she ready to potentially soon become a step mother figure to two young children. She also wants her own children in the future and will he want to do it all again in a few years time.
Also she doesn’t know why the previous relationship failed as he does not talk about it other than ‘it didn’t work’.

Well to be fair, that's a lot less of a red flag than him constantly slagging his ex off and making out like she's crazy.

ViciousCurrentBun · 23/01/2026 10:18

I wouldn’t like it because if it becomes serious he will always and quite rightly so have financial responsibilities towards his already here children. Which means straight off the bat life will be financially more stretched. Plus now I’m older I’m looking at the only age gap relationship among friends. He has retired and she will carry on working for at least a decade.

I never got past date one with the only guy I ever dated who had children, it’s just too complicated. When you are that age few of your contemporaries have children and dating is easy. Where did they meet and any power imbalance like he is her boss?

My DS is the same age as your DD, I wouldn’t like it. I know myself and would say something regardless of if I shouldn’t. Ultimately women are left holding the baby though aren’t they.