To give up leading this community project

[mummymeister]

Long time Member and will try to keep this brief although its tricky not to out myself but here goes.

I live in a rural community and volunteer for an organisation which was very active with projects in the past but now as most of the board are over 75 they havent really got a clue or any energy to help and support (I am much younger)

I took on running a project which apparently had massive community support. I have spent the past 5 years getting planning permission, talking to all the local groups and organisations and generally just trying to bring everyone with me on the journey to make this a reality.

Its been an uphill struggle but what has kept me going is the thought that its principally aimed at young people, its something I have been told constantly everyone really wants and needs and that this is a community that wants to achieve something having failed on a number of other dissimilar projects in the past.

So we have launched the fundraising campaign (need to raise around 250K) and to say that the results have been disappointing is an absolute understatement.

• 100 people invited to the launch and only a handful bothered to email a response a few turned up on the night but not even all of my committee bothered
• Local community facebook group full of negativity every time I post about the project "it wont happen" "nothing every happens here" " why cant the council/Government pay for it" and on and on and on.

I have done this sort of thing before so I have written the letters, made the phone calls, knocked on the doors, had coffee with etc. Basically full time on this for the past 3 months filling in grant applications for piddling amounts of a couple of hundred quid, taking me hours and hours to do.

And I just keep being met with wall, after wall after wall. "kids in our area are underachievers and not worth spending the money on" "why cant someone else pay for it why do we have to fundraise" "dont like it, think it looks rubbish so wont support it" I could write a book.

The stress all of this is causing me is unreal. I am becoming so depressed. The worst of it is that I know if I fail the local gossip will be "oh look there is Mummymeister. she promised to deliver and failed, just like I said she would." in a small community, this is going to define me.

I just feel I cant stay here if this project fails. I have asked for help from my committee but they just arent up to it. I have tried getting a group together but again its just apathy and sometimes even aggression that I cant just magic the money out of thin air.

AIBU to just give it a couple of months more effort and if it looks like its not going to happen to just say fuck it and walk away? What would you do in my shoes?

I live in a deprived area with a new lottery funded project that was a decade in the making. Things have been smashed up multiple times by teenagers since it opened and they’re now asking for more donations to fix things.

I can see why people give up on trying to make things better.

I imagine back when people were more willing, life was a bit more prosperous and people had free time. Businesses and families are struggling to get by these days.

Well done for trying. I think you can be proud of that. You can’t help it if the community can’t support you. It is what it is.

I think you need to move on really.If people on FB are that bothered they cant have much to do! You have done an awful lot, and you have to put yourself first.They will get over it .Funding even on a large scale is difficult now ,Children In Need didnt get as much as previous years .People are hard up and theres less cash to go round

I’ve also been the victim of people going on and on that there’s not enough X around these parts and how they’d contribute, then when I spent significant time and effort making it happen, none of them could be seen for dust. It’s such a letdown and taught me how flaky market research actually is. Lots of people say they want something but won’t actually pay towards it. Sorry this has happened. Absolutely step back and if anyone says anything, don’t put it on yourself with ‘health reasons’, put it back on them. ‘Yes it’s a shame we don’t have X. If only people asking for it had been willing to do anything at all to support it, it might have happened.’

If people have a go at you then tell them they are free to pick up where you left off.

Jack it in.
Tell everyone that you are jacking it in.
Don't cite ill health or time pressure. Tell the truth: you are investing a lot of time and effort and nobody else is so clearly it is not something anyone wants.

Stay firm. Because at that point (yes, bitter experience) people will try to guilt you into carrying on and offering support. Which won't appear.

Sorry, it is a hard decision.

I agree with this. I think you can still hold your head high locally, you got planning permission under your belt, you're not getting the support needed to progress it further within the 12 month window of opportunity. It's sensible to stop and it might give other people a kick up the pants, you never know.

It is so hard. I'm a trustee of something and wish I wasn't!

i am very petty, so when i dropped my project and some of the loudest "supporters" publicly complained i actually put a copy of their emails confirming their enthusiastic support, followed by the "we can't be arsed" after i followed up.

It put the cat among the pigeons, but it stopped most people in their tracks. And now when the village wants something they know not to ask me.

When you step back from this make it really clear that the project could not continue due to 'lack of local support'.

You didn't fail, the local community failed . . . to support you!

Shame on them.

They should have been over the moon that someone was putting in so much free time and effort to give young people something to aspire to.

What a bunch of moaners the community sound like.

I think I'd be glad to leave quite honestly.

Go somewhere where your wonderful community spirit is appreciated!

This is EXACTLY what you need to do.

Keep it clear, simple and factual.

And as hard as it might be, ignore what others might say, because you know the truth and how hard you worked.

Protect your peace.

You are amazing to have got so far with this already - community projects can be really hard work and are often a thankless task, especially if you are working on your own, it's really difficult to get big projects done without a team of likeminded people supporting each other.
Does your village have a Parish Council - and if yes, have they given you any support? They may have a grant scheme or Community Infrastructure Levy (CIL) funds they could award to the project.

Forget the project, it's a waste of your time and talents. Drop the rope now.

The real problem is this community. Are you sure the whispers you dread are real, or are they all on facebook (which is where miseries hang out, spreading misery)? Social media is not real life.

Don't forget, even had you succeeded, those miseries would still have carped and criticised, tainting the whole thing.

If this community really is so mired in negativity (and it's not just online loudmouths distorting things), maybe it would be better for you if you did move away? You want a retirement full of projects that bring you joy and purpose, which will only happen in a receptive community.

Would local paper be interested in an article - saying you've got planning permission though and 12 months to secure funding - and that you need to demonstrate community support with letters and donatons to access funding and that's proved lacking project won't happen?

I don't get a local paper but news articles come up on my news feeds - if there's any untapped local support in the area that might help find it very least show it's not a you issue but an area issue.

Otherwise I think you can step back and just say support not there.

I agree with those saying step back now, with a public statement of exactly your position, exactly how much you've achieved, and exactly why you're stepping away.

As you have planning permission, what are the views of the parish/town and district council on the project? Are local councillors in favour? Are you in an area where much new development has taken place and is there section 106 o r CIL money from this new development available for local infrastructure/community projects. If you haven't already done so, I'd approach your local councillors as it will be easier with them on board. The district council may still have a community project leader who can give advice. We're in a politically divided area and it's funny how quickly councillors from one party want to get involved if they think they other party might take credit for delivering somsthing...

Dear @mummymeister

The advantage I have in being far from your project is I can describe a different perspective, offer you a different way to see this and suggest a way forward. The obvious disadvantage is really I know nothing about you, your situation, project or dilemma.

Why you should take any notice of me: I claim to have almost half a century of relevant experience.

1 I urge you to put yourself and your family first. Whatever you decide going forward, which could include moving to a new area, do not throw your peace of mind, financial and physical wellbeing and family life under the bus.

2 LEARN from this experience. Lots of successful entrepreneurs say losing their first million was key. This could be your equivalent experience. This could be what gives you the capacity to succeed in some other incredibly valuable and impactful project, job or campaign. You know things now you could have learned no other way.

3 You were promised essential support to build a project for your community. This support has been withdrawn. I suggest you write a letter to everyone involved drawing a line under the project.

You can only do this if you mean it, are convinced it is true and are willing to refuse to discuss any details.

"Dear...., I am writing to you because of your long term involvement/support for/ interest in the Community Project RuralYouthPlace.

I am very sad to have to tell you that essential support for this project has been withdrawn. I have taken advice and explored all possible options and there is no possibility of it being reinstated.

Due the the confidential nature of particular discussions I cannot give you any further details.

Planning permission remains in place until 2027.

I am stepping down from my volunteer role with immediate effect.

I hope you will understand I am personally very sad that this project now seems impossible to realise, thank you for your support.

Sincerely, mummymeister"

(Edited for weird formatting)

I think the main thing you need to change is your worry about what people think/label you as in the future. Try reading "Let Them".

I personally wouldn’t give up but I’m stubborn af. I would stand in the business’ doorways to ask them to help rather than ringing them or writing letters. You’re hard to ignore if you’re stood there. I also would call out the people in the community via the same method they’re complaining and being negative (social media?) in a polite and professional way. I wouldn’t hesitate to state that I had spent hours and hours of my unpaid time trying to get this off the ground and that the lack of community succeed is astounding and that you need help otherwise the community will remain stagnant. Sometimes it’s better to walk away but I don’t think I could after what you’ve said about the local community judging you. I would be relentless I think in trying to achieve it.

Having said all that I think I need to know what the project is because some things people will never get behind.

I agree with this.
List out the names of everyone/organisation/ business you approached and then write x number replied.

"Clearly despite OUR efforts the appetite isn't in the community for this project, and WE will now be shelving it as the 12 month deadline is not achievable."

This is thankless, and most certainly not worth your health.
I would be very upbeat and positive, no complaining, just acceptance that you tried and sometimes projects don't succeed, despite the best of intentions.

I have seen variations of what you experienced, but not quite on that scale, and I would be so hesitant in getting involved in anything like that with the way some people spend their time complaining rather than contributing positively.

Don't allow your ego to cause you your health!

You could ask posters for pithy responses to any negativity and push back that you may come across.....all delivered with a big smile and cold eye!
Very helpful to have them on the tip of your tongue, ready to go!

I think this sort of thing is the way to go.
It sets out why it was previously a decent chance of success and what has changed making it impossible.

It would never have been possible for one person to achieve everything alone, and if everyone else has backed off then you can't carry on as you have no prospect of success.

As pp say, don't make it personal about you. It required material support from others who weren't willing to give it.

I just keep blaming myself. have i had some sort of charisma bi pass? have I upset someone?

You're giving this far too much thought, and attributing emotional weight to it.
No one else in the community cares about the project, as proven repeatedly by their words and actions. Believe them, and free yourself.
In your announcement make it clear that the community does not want or support it.

If the people who live in the area whinge, be glad to not be liked by such insular bores.

Yes you're going to have you style it out with lots of smiles and oh yes what a shame, I know I'm good but I'm not that good to do it all alone add little laugh. Bright and breezy.

@Brefugee - you are the GOAT. This is she best response ever.

And thats how its done.
Fire with fire.👏👏👏

Make it very clear you have spent 5 years on this and the community can’t be arsed so that is why you are giving it up - zero support

Have you involved your local council and councillors? If not, I would approach them now and see what help they can offer.

If yes, and they are not supportive either, it sounds like there is a real problem eith the prohe t concept for whatever reason and that you should walk away.

It does sound like something has changed since the initial enthusiasm. It also sounds like there is a network of existing organisations for young people eg brownies, cubs etc. Is there an element of them feeling threatened by what you are proposing?

Re funding applications, demonstrating need is as important as demonstrating support. It sounds like educational outcomes are pretty poor in your area which is a good argument for a youth project. I would go for drafting letters of support for people to sign. Make sure you build in budget for a paid project coordinator.

The 12 month deadline for the project to happen is bit worrying though; even with everything going smoothly it will probably be 6-8 months before funding is in place (assuming you were successful).

You definitely can't carry a project yourself if no one else can be bothered helping but equally it us worth seeing if there are any avenues you haven't tried eg council.

If it won't work, that us no disgrace to you. You have tried hard when no one else coukd be bothered and as a PP says 'fight fire with fire' and make it clear why you gave up!

Well.done again for putting such effort in!