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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think british women are obsessed with dummies and bottles

57 replies

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 14:37

Before I get accused of being racist I am British but do not live in UK. Am coming back next with my DDs and getting a little worried about the fact that DD2 (3yrs) may have dummy, or bottle, in public! Where I live it is perfectly acceptable to allow children their comfort in the form of dummies, cuddly toy etc. And bottles are used till 4 or 5 yrs for morning milk with cereal. And there are not millions of chilren with speech problems or problem teeth here either. I just get a real martyr feeling of making ones life as difficult as possible by denying your children some comfort other than provided by you alone as a parent.

So should I hide indoors in the UK or make DD2 miserable because it is not acceptable for her suck a dummy or drink her milk (only milk!) from a bottle? Because a mmnetter will see her and create a thread about some older child sat in a pushchair with offending items.

OP posts:

Chequers · 13/06/2008 14:38

Message withdrawn

wasabipeanut · 13/06/2008 14:41

Not sure where you're looking farfaraway but I see plenty of babies with dummies out and about.

Agree with Chequers - everyone has an opinion about the correct way to rear children and you just have to learn to tune out the noise.

LittleBella · 13/06/2008 14:42

It's only on Mumsnet that these things are an issue.

Outside in RL, nobody comments. So don't worry.

Original poster

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 14:43

Well that is what DH said. But just surprised at the reactions of people on here regarding dummies and stopping bottles by one year. I will obviously not deny DD her comfort but think I am going to aware of passing looks.

OP posts:

Bucharest · 13/06/2008 14:45

I see loads of toddlers still with dummies. I wouldn't worry.

InLoveWithSweeneyTodd · 13/06/2008 14:48

I understand you well farfaraway. In Spain there is a more relaxed approach to dummies and bottles.
However don't think RL is like mumsnet. Not everyone will judge you in the UK, and the ones who do judge you won't have the balls to tell you in your face what they think. They will probably, as you say, open a thread here to express themselves anonymously. Ignore them.
Don't worry about it.
My dd 3.3 still uses a dummy at bed time, and i have no intention of taking it away before she's ready. She also had a bottle until pretty late for UK standards.
I too felt the pressure about those things, but a quick visit abroad to visit relatives soon put everything in perspective!

LadyThompson · 13/06/2008 14:50

Don't worry about it love. Tell 'em to bum off if you get any comments. I had a dummy until I was 4 (in the privacy of my own home admittedly) when I decided myself I was too old as I was starting school...and my teeth are straight out of Hollywood! (Nothing else is, I hasten to add . It's so sad when kids have these things taken away from them before they are ready, just cos a few uptight so and so's get hot under the collar about it...

Original poster

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 14:54

Well not been home with DD's for 18 months so not really in tune with mummies in the UK. Glad to hear that Baby beckham, or my DD, is not in a minority then.
Inlovewithsweeneytodd - do you mean the johnny depp sweeney?

OP posts:

InLoveWithSweeneyTodd · 13/06/2008 14:56

The Sweeney I actually "love" is Ray Winstone's!

Original poster

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 14:59

never heard of him! Will just go google.

OP posts:

Madamejaffa · 13/06/2008 15:04

Unfortunately I think it is frowned upon above toddlerhood in the UK.

Do not deny your child what they need and what you are happy for them to have, if you don't care then everyone else should lump it.

I am in France, very relaxed here! Plenty of 4/5 yr olds still with dummies on straps.
At school they are allowed their comforters/blankets/dummies etc... until they are 4 for their afternoon nap.

My 3 yr old sucks her thumb all the time, not an easy one to stop!

minouminou · 13/06/2008 15:13

FWIW, farfaraway, there are loads of fancy "halfway house" cups available in the UK, that may not be available where you are, so if you and your DD are ok with it, maybe buy a few and give them a go....fancy spouts etc that help them to move on from teats. then you can take them home and show them off to your friends!
This is not to say that you should cave in to (probably non-existent) pressure, but just that it's an option.
DS, 20 months, is showing no signs of giving his dummy up, and i've had no comments...apart from one chum who said "I told you you were making a rod for your own......"
that's as far as she got!
ds cried evening and night until he was 5 weeks old..that plug saved our lives, and it's still handy, so i don't see why anyone should rush to drop soothing habits before the child's ready.

LadyThompson · 13/06/2008 15:20

Furthermore...(and I am really putting on the hardhat now, though I don't think any anti-dummies are on this thread yet), I have seen two children who ended up with behavioural problems as a result of having their dummies ripped away from them before they were ready. Poor little tots. Read about a woman in the paper this week who was breastfeeding a six year old, though...now I'm not sure about THAT but that's a whole other story!

Original poster

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 15:27

Happy to see such neutral responses from everyone.

Have tried a few half way measures but she is not interested. Only just turned 3 but looks older so may get some looks.
As for dummies it is mainly in house but not bothered if she is out and about and tired/upset. I do not see it as a big deal.

OP posts:

knockedup · 13/06/2008 16:13

God I'll be using a dummy straightaway when this baby's born in a few days - I didn't with DD at first as I had bowed to the pressure of them being awful and all that, and so she used me as a dummy until I bought one and life just improved instantly the moment we popped it in her little mouth!!

She actually refused it herself at 18 months and that's when it stopped but I would have continued to use it at night and for naps as long as she wanted it. I felt a slight panic now and again that I wouldn't know how to get her to sleep without it and maybe I was more addicted to it than she was - but it all just falls into place in the end and they decide when enough's enough!

Flier · 13/06/2008 16:14

don't worry about it, you'll soon grow your blinkers

ceebee74 · 13/06/2008 16:24

Farfaraway - I know which thread you are talking about as I was quite at the strong comments about a 3-year old having a dummy aswell. I am guessing those people are in the minority so don't worry about it.

DS is nearly 2 and still has a dummy for naps/bedtime (and very occasionally other times if he is very upset) and I have no intention of getting rid of it and don't see what the hurry is. He still has a full bottle of milk in the mornings aswell - again, I am in no hurry to get rid of this!

Just ignore everyone else and do what is best for you and your DD's

bundle · 13/06/2008 16:29

the only thing i really dislike about dummies is children using them when they(trying to) talk...

jessiesmummy · 13/06/2008 16:40

As long as your not using a dummy as a means of silencing them then I dont see the problem. My little one lost interest in the dummy quite early but still loves a bottle in the morning and before bed. I think the only concern with an older one is that it might stop them talking so much. I had a bottle until I was 6 or something and it never did me any harm. Trust your instict and do what you think is right for your individual child.

knockedup · 13/06/2008 16:40

Bundle - I was going to mention the same actually. My friends little girl is 5 and still has a dummy though has it in all the time and talks with it and I find it really irritating because I can't understand what she's saying.

That's gone beyond a soother for a baby/toddler/small child I think - especially as she's starting grown up school in a few months.

Think they'll be using the 'you've got to send your dummy to Santa or else no presents!' route at Christmas this year maybe!

jessiesmummy · 13/06/2008 16:49

My dd never stops talking shes only 2.5 and can speak amazingly well. From that respect I'm glad she didn't have the dummy for so long. However I wish she still had it to settle for naps and at bed time, as I think she'd find it very soothing.

me23 · 13/06/2008 16:55

dd just turned 3 and still has a dummy her speech is advanced for her age, and her teeth are fine. she loves her dummy, I do feel under pressure to give it up actually as I feel people are 'judging' out in public esp as she is tall and acts older thsn her age! so they probably think she is a year or so older.

bundle · 13/06/2008 16:57

knockedup, when i've comeacross it i've told the child "I can't understand what you're saying" until they've taken it out - they soon get the msg!

bundle · 13/06/2008 16:58

my girls both had them btw, just at sleep times until they were both about 3 or 4

WenchConnection · 13/06/2008 17:00

Is it possible that in the UK (sweeping generalisation ahead) Children are not treated with the same respect as they are in many other countries, so children in a restaurant/crying on a bus are met with derision, whereas in e.g Spain they are either not even noticed or welcomed with open arms.

Hence we feel we should stop our children doing what they need to by essentially 'plugging them up'

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