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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think british women are obsessed with dummies and bottles

57 replies

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 14:37

Before I get accused of being racist I am British but do not live in UK. Am coming back next with my DDs and getting a little worried about the fact that DD2 (3yrs) may have dummy, or bottle, in public! Where I live it is perfectly acceptable to allow children their comfort in the form of dummies, cuddly toy etc. And bottles are used till 4 or 5 yrs for morning milk with cereal. And there are not millions of chilren with speech problems or problem teeth here either. I just get a real martyr feeling of making ones life as difficult as possible by denying your children some comfort other than provided by you alone as a parent.

So should I hide indoors in the UK or make DD2 miserable because it is not acceptable for her suck a dummy or drink her milk (only milk!) from a bottle? Because a mmnetter will see her and create a thread about some older child sat in a pushchair with offending items.

OP posts:

WenchConnection · 13/06/2008 17:01

Oh Dear, I just actually read the thread, you can guess what I assumed from the thread title.

Sorry.

fizzbuzz · 13/06/2008 17:12

I suffer dummy shame and don't know why...dd loves hers, and at 22 mo can talk the hind leg off a donkey so no ill effects from it.. but I still suffer it.......

Is it because Brtain is puritanical and uptight and objects to oral fixations?? I don't know, but I think it is wrong to take them away until they are ready to give them up. I had one until I was 6 which is probably a bit too much.....but as soon as it was taken away, I strted sucking my thumb

And as for lo's and bottles, I really do not car about that. Dd has a bottle morning and evening, and I am not taking it away from her until she is ready and happy.

She has no goofy teeth, and talks clearly and non stop. So there!!!

bubblagirl · 13/06/2008 17:12

my ds is 3 and i dont really care what people think if he goes out with dummy in his mouth and no one has ever commented either

he has been diagnosed with HFA and can be handful at times and will give it to him when shopping to keep him calm never seen anyone look see planty of dc his gae with them or a bottle

he doesnt have a bottle my choice as sppech delayed so we thought and cup would strentghen facial muscles

but dummy we usually do for night but it has slowly crept back in for a day time as if i cant calm him that can

the moral if it helps your dc then so be it dont worry about what other people have to say someone will always be something or do something to spark off a topic as no one person is a like and not every one will agree with another persons way of parenting

thats why were called individuals so dont worry

bubblagirl · 13/06/2008 17:14

speech delay is to do with HFA not dummy and only has it at night unless were having a bad day its all that can calm him down so is welcomed by all that have to hear him lol

Lollypopzmummy · 13/06/2008 17:14

My little sister had a dummy until she was 8 years old (and I'll admit to sucking my thumb until I was 19!! ) but I don't think my mum ever came across anything in the way of a debate about it in public.

As for bottles I think it's just one of those things we're told by HV's etc, and, I thought, most children stopped having milk by the age of three-ish (my DD1 (3yo) hardly ever has milk anymore and when she does it's only because she has asked for it, in a cup, she "wants to be like a grown up"), personally I think it's your choice, you're your childrens mother and, as you say, you're not surrounded by children suffering from having dummies/bottles so there's no problems and, if you're getting tutted at etc just feel free to explain this to the offending tutter Offer to buy them a coffee and sit them down and give them a good ol' talking to!

fabsmum · 13/06/2008 17:21

You ought to live round my way - lots of big kids with dummies and bottles - often with coke or ribena in them.

jessiesmummy · 13/06/2008 17:35

One thing that pissed me off the other day was a mum with a tot of about one drinking chocolate milk from the bottle. That didn't seem right to me.

Original poster

farfaraway · 13/06/2008 22:24

So perhaps I was wrong after all. Britian is full of toddlers still attached to dummies and bottles. If DD2 now upset or in need will not think twice now. And if anyone dares to question me I shall send them off to mumsnet. Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:

Lollypopzmummy · 15/06/2008 20:44

jessiesmummy: that's nothing, I recently met my friend's soon to be SIL and she was going on about how "they" think her boy could be ADHD, but he's only 3 so they can't diagnose. . . he had in his hand a VERY large bottle of (thick looking) tea, and apparently this is all he drinks. . . nothing against giving kiddies tea occasionally, or in a bottle or whatever, but if this is all he drinks all day every day, no wonder he's hyper! IMO I think she's on the blag for extra benefits, she made referrence to disability/carer's allowance that her HV had told her about, her boy was a lot less hyper than my DD1 and there's no way she's ADHD!

KidsRock · 14/05/2010 23:06

my DS 3.3 loves his dummy I am trying to stop him leaving house with it as am currently feeling the shame - but he is 2nd child my DD 6 still sucks her thumb...what's a gal to do??!!

RollaCoasta · 14/05/2010 23:10

Never did either.

Greythorne · 14/05/2010 23:15

Kidsrock
Out of interest, what made you post on this thread frpm2008?
Genuine interest in how ancient threads get resurrected

larks35 · 14/05/2010 23:24

I think dummies are foul personally whether at 4 weeks, months or years. But that is my personal opinion. I wouldn't ever push it on someone else. I'm sure some of the things I do with my DS offends other people, well we can't all agree about things can we.

larks35 · 14/05/2010 23:29

KidsRock, can you not do the Dummy Fairy thing. Like the fairy is taking all your dummies but you get this cheap great toy in return! I'm sure I've seen a Supernanny where they did this and it worked a treat! (I know I've probably said a forbidden word for MN and might now be ostratized forever but, sod it!)

SeaTrek · 15/05/2010 09:20

YABU

I used a dummy with DS, when he was 11 weeks old, for about 3 days to help getting him to nap in his cot. I hid it like a dirty secret, if any one came round!

I also remember, when out shopping, taking a bottle of expressed milk for DS - as it would be easier than finding somewhere to BF (he was easily distracted when BFing!) and then going back to the car park and hiding in the car to feed him as I was too embarrassed to bottle-feed in public.

Looking back now I think I was slightly barking mad in those days. . Definately felt that I would be judged badly though. In reality, I guess 99% of people wouldn't even notice/care!

SeaTrek · 15/05/2010 09:21

Sorry!!! I meant YANBU!

biddysmama · 15/05/2010 15:34

theres a kid at ds's school whos mum picks her up and gives her a dummy (so shes at least 4/5) no ones said owt, the way i see it is.. give what ever you want to your kids, as long as you dont give it to mine...

SuSylvester · 15/05/2010 15:36

ergh dummies are well rough

tittybangbang · 15/05/2010 16:15

Dummies and bottles are breast substitutes, and when I see an older child with one it just makes me think about how deprived the vast majority of older babies/toddlers are of the comfort and pleasure of their mum's boobs.

UK mums want it all ways - on the whole they don't want to breastfeed babies over the age of one, but at the same time they don't want them to have a dummy or bottle either. If I was a baby I'd think that was very unfair!

biddysmama · 15/05/2010 16:17

sorry tittybangbang but thats a bit of a generalisation!

my dd is 14 months and never had a dummy or bottle and still has "the comfort and pleasure of their mum's boobs." which she will be sharing with her new brother in about 13 weeks

maltesers · 15/05/2010 16:21

Dont worry what others think...if your kids have bottle, dummy till after 3 yrs , who cares . . . .its what you are happy with not outsiders.
Yes, i guess here in UK after 3 its kinda getting too old, so people say; but does it really matter ? One day they will grow out of it anyway , so dont worry .

tittybangbang · 15/05/2010 16:23

Not a generalisation - your dd is one of the lucky few!

Only one in ten babies is breastfed at all by 12 months.

louii · 15/05/2010 16:34

Tittybangbang, what a rubbish thing to say, i breastfeed my children, DS till he self weaned at 2ish and am currently feeding my 3 month old and both have/had dummies.

They have never been denied the comfort of
my boobs just like their dummies as well.

biddysmama · 15/05/2010 16:36

my dd might be lucky but so am i,i'm lucky because i am able to breastfeed, i have a good supply and i'm lucky because i dont have to go back to work and try and express milk in an office, or in my car (like a friend of mine did) in the uk most mums get around 12 months maternity leave, if they are lucky and i can completely understand why they stop breastfeeding!

DesertRat · 15/05/2010 16:39

This thread is 2 years old.

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