Career change, mad to or mad not to?

[New2Mumming]

I'll lay out the bare info as best I can:

Current job:
About to go full time hours but flexi
£45k
Marketing, low pressure
Family friendly
1 day pw in office, 1.5hr commute each way
Restructure coming up, not clear if I'll be affected

DH wants me to train to teach from September for the sake of the family:

-We live in an area of good schools so best time to do it is while we're here for my CV
-Currently 20k bursary for my subject
-Teachers needed everywhere in country and abroad, means flexible to move

• Holiday with kids

Im not against being a teacher itself, but my reservations

• 2 kids in nursery right now. If I train I won't get any funding or VAT relief. My mum would have to have them both 2 days pw to be affordable
• No guarantee of a job at the end of it, at least not locally

-DH commutes 4 days pw

• Are the daily hours good for a parent ie starting work at 8 finishing around 4 or working nights and weekends? Especially if I had to commute in even 25 mins
• what if my kids are ill?

-Training year and first few years seem hardest, while kids are small

• 31k starting salary seems the norm, which is low for 5 days pw without wfh benefits at this stage in my life
• missing kids events in week
• have read mixed reviews of teaching, mostly negative.

I don't know. I'll apply for September. DH said I shouldn't do it if it's only because it's his idea. I really struggle with this in general because then i feel selfish (hes not being manipulative, am aware that i am working rither way)
I get his points and it's not that I necessarily wouldn't like teaching. But I don't see how it would work rn
I hate the idea that he could be right and I'd lose my job and do this in 7 yrs time, feeling even further behind
But I also struggle with this philosophy of panic about what might happen When things are about to be better for us (new house, a bit more cash with me going Full time in two weeks)

Am I being selfish if I don't do it? That's how I feel.
If I hate it then where am I? Could be hard to get back into my job.

I would say not to do it until both kids are in school, or until you need to.

Teaching has good and bad days and good and bad points nobody knows if they'll like it or be good at it until they're doing it.

It is very hard work while training. You'll be expected to be in school a lot and working outside of school. I cant imagine trying to parent small children well while doing it.

@New2Mumming do you want to be a teacher. There is more money in a marketing career.

OP, I'm confused.. do you want to retrain as a teacher? Or is this your husband's idea?

Personally, I wouldn't do it. Teaching is like nursing, it's not a job but a calling. If you don't feel strongly called to teach, you'd probably hate it. My ex partner was a teacher and he just never switched off.
You will be losing money, flexibility and WFH for something that you, potentially, might hate doing when it comes to it.
I once had a crazy idea of doing post grad teaching qualification and, luckily, it was a requirement to do a two day shadowing before applying for the course. I lasted half a day...

Have you spent any time in a school? Before any commitment I suggest you ask to shadow a day or longer in a local school to understand the reality of teaching. What age? I imagine secondary considering the bursary.
and read the staffroom threads on here. Not an 8-4 job.

Do you want to teach? I mean you've missed that whole part out of your post and it's massive.

You earn more now, why the change? It doesn’t read as if this would be for you.

To me teaching doesn’t seem very family friendly at all. Missing all the nativities, all the drop offs and pick-ups (unless you’re teaching at the same school).

I just don’t really see why you’re thinking of it now. If it’s to travel later why doesn’t DH become a teacher (or some other career that allows travel), why is it on you?

I'd say only retrain if you really want to be a teacher. I have a parent and sibling who are teachers (and I work in Higher Education.) You're not doing it for the money!
As kids, we also had to accept that Mum wouldn't be at school events, because she had her own class. You need to have a good support network for covering child illness (their father?!), as you can't just leave, unless it's wildly serious.
Don't do it, just because your husband says so.

Why on earth would you train to teach if you don't particularly fancy it? If it's the holiday childcare your husband is after, perhaps he could teach instead. Honestly, the names I've been called today in a small rural secondary, don't even consider it. It's awful.

Thanks all. Im not against it, but no I don't particularly want to as I like my current job enough.
I feel selfish saying it's not for me when the point is to keep us flexible. DH can't retrain as we depend on his bigger salary. He wants me to do it now while we're near the good schools so he can change to a lower paid but more rewarding career sooner, which would mean moving away (We're both London based work atm). He doesn't want to work in a soulless industry but does it for the family.

@New2Mumming you’ve just said you don't want to. So don't. If he wants a teacher in the family he can retrain. Why are you letting him tell you what to do with your career? Look for routes to head of marketing, marketing director and CMO.

If you don't want to do it then don't do it. Not for a magical flight of fantasy that it will give you what you need. It will make your holiday time more rigid, you need to do more training and you might hate it! Surely common sense tells you no?

How would you earning less money help him transition to a different career with less pay? I'm sorry but what he is offering just doesn't make sense. Swapping 45k a year for 31k and 20k subsidy is only 5k more than you earn now but will mean loosing VAT benefits and increasing your working hours Alongside study hours. All for a career you don't even want to have.

It sounds like madness to go into teaching at this stage. I do not understand why your dh wants you to.

Are the daily hours good for a parent ie starting work at 8 finishing around 4 or working nights and weekends?
you could start at 8 and leave the building at 4 most days, but once a week there will be a directed later finish. Then you will be working all evening once home. The hours in term time are long. It takes me about 3-4 hours to mark one set of books.I have 9 classes. That is after the school day ends. And you also need to plan your lessons. Although some of that could be done in PPA time during the school day some days. Not all. But there isnt enough so most would be done after school. School days are long. Parents evenings are also very long days! Your dh would need to be at home for all of those.

School holidays with your children are a bonus but most will also involve working. but your time is more flexible obviously. You can work when your children are asleep. When my children were small i regularly worked until midnight / 1am.

What if my kids are ill?
Unpaid parental leave. But you still plan the lessons for cover and email it in.

Teaching isnt for everyone and if you aren't particularly keen don't do it. I'm confused by the good schools reference, do you mean you would do placement there or get a job there because I don't think a job could be guaranteed. If you don't want to do it, don't. Lots and lots of teachers are leaving the profession for other fields because of workload.

Thanks. Good points. I suppose I knew what I'd hear. I don't know how to explain it to him
Yes the idea is to at least train in one of these good grammar schools, but no guaranteed job at the end.

I just feel I'm being selfish.

DH is scared of the future: UK is over, doesn't want to work in London etc. My current career is just a job, so I'd struggle to get employed outside of London, which limits us.
I see that it's a lot on him to keep up a high paying job that he doesn't like and is ashamed of basically.

I don't know. I'm quite tired. There's a lot of anxiety about the future all the time

Absolutely not. Teaching doesn't offer flexibility amd you would find you had much less time for your own children. You would still also have plenty to do in the holidays amd would probably spend half of it recovering from being burnt out from being so full on the rest of the time

Then you both need to have a proper conversation - not a 'get out of jail free' option which seems to be you retraining to do something you don't want to do and there being no guarantee of it working anyway.

We're all scared by the way, we're all at risk for so many reasons. But you can't let fear control your lives and, more importantly, you can't let fear let your husband dictate what you do as a career. He's supposed to love you, remember?

Would doing more qualifications in marketing help?

@New2Mumming what marketing do you work in? I'm a CMO and there are equally as many marketing jobs outside of London (saying this as someone who lived in London for 10+ years and moved out).

I think maybe you need to talk to someone in real life about this - there is probably too much nuance to be captured here on MN.

It does seem a bit concerning that your DH is putting pressure on you to retrain into something you sound very lukewarm about, because of fear of the future/ a sense that the UK is over. I'm not quite sure I understand his reasoning.

Do you have someone sensible and impartial to speak to about this? Could you arrange some therapy? There's a lot going on here.

Teacher retention is not great and it can be a stressful job and includes working in the events with parents evening etc. I think those who stay are the ones who are truly passionate about teaching and that doesn't sound like it's you. Plus there is no flexibility in term time. There is no guarantee you'd work in a grammar school and they can be stressful, high pressure environments. Why not focus on building your on your existing skills and experience?

Hi OP. I'm a Secondary Teacher. After 5 years the salary is 55k (in Scotland anyway) and you get to advance quickly up the scale if you have experience in another sector. So I moved to the top of the scale after 3 years rather than 5 for example. You could find out if that's the case where you live. I do agree with others that all jobs have pros and cons (I LOVE it. 4 children at home) but it does need to be something you really want to do and not something someone else just thinks is a good idea. Good luck 🍀

You have to specifically want to be a teacher to make it stick, it's not just a job. By it's very nature it cannot be. It's a vocation, I truly feel it was a calling for me.

It will test you more then anything, but it will reward like nothing else if you stick the landing.

Why don’t you get DH to retrain? Why is it always on the mum in the relationship? If you’re financially comfortable as you are I can’t personally see why anyone would want to be a teacher I consider it a vocation like a nurse or doctor it’s got to be something you really want to do. I know a lot of teachers both primary and secondary who are so stressed out. Although they get the holidays off it’s rarely accurate of what’s actually involved. You only get one life it’s not a rehearsal going by someone else’s thoughts on what they think you should do. The days are long with your own children but the years go quick, they won’t be young forever. Please do you and no one else.