Career change, mad to or mad not to?

[New2Mumming]

I'll lay out the bare info as best I can:

Current job:
About to go full time hours but flexi
£45k
Marketing, low pressure
Family friendly
1 day pw in office, 1.5hr commute each way
Restructure coming up, not clear if I'll be affected

DH wants me to train to teach from September for the sake of the family:

-We live in an area of good schools so best time to do it is while we're here for my CV
-Currently 20k bursary for my subject
-Teachers needed everywhere in country and abroad, means flexible to move

• Holiday with kids

Im not against being a teacher itself, but my reservations

• 2 kids in nursery right now. If I train I won't get any funding or VAT relief. My mum would have to have them both 2 days pw to be affordable
• No guarantee of a job at the end of it, at least not locally

-DH commutes 4 days pw

• Are the daily hours good for a parent ie starting work at 8 finishing around 4 or working nights and weekends? Especially if I had to commute in even 25 mins
• what if my kids are ill?

-Training year and first few years seem hardest, while kids are small

• 31k starting salary seems the norm, which is low for 5 days pw without wfh benefits at this stage in my life
• missing kids events in week
• have read mixed reviews of teaching, mostly negative.

I don't know. I'll apply for September. DH said I shouldn't do it if it's only because it's his idea. I really struggle with this in general because then i feel selfish (hes not being manipulative, am aware that i am working rither way)
I get his points and it's not that I necessarily wouldn't like teaching. But I don't see how it would work rn
I hate the idea that he could be right and I'd lose my job and do this in 7 yrs time, feeling even further behind
But I also struggle with this philosophy of panic about what might happen When things are about to be better for us (new house, a bit more cash with me going Full time in two weeks)

Am I being selfish if I don't do it? That's how I feel.
If I hate it then where am I? Could be hard to get back into my job.

It’s not “being selfish” to consider your own interests as well as other people’s.

Your husband’s plan sounds daft to me.

So DH has suggested a career change for you, for the good of the family. I really wouldn't. It is you giving up your career and starting again, going into a field that is well known for being stressful, and teachers leaving en masse. You should only do it if it's your choice, not 'nothing against it'.I find it bizarre he is so keen. Does he know a lot of happy teachers, or, where is he getting he info from?

If you want to improve your employability this is never a bad idea - but I'd start from sideways / upwards moves in marketing

This is very much not the case in england.

Does he want to train to be a teacher? If not why not?

is this to ensure his AL is at leisure - not taking time off to sit in a park with 2 kids.

i would be pretty peeved with him - and I would take the marketing job.

Oh my goodness no. In the first few years you are talking a 55 hour week, if not more. Total inflexibility. I ended up leaving this year with a 4 year old. I had 18 years experience and 10 years in the same school but I still

You can’t go into teaching because someone else wants you to. It’s a really hard job and breaks even people who have a passion for it.

Don’t commit to it until you’ve spent some time in schools shadowing and talking to teachers.
It’s an amazing job but utterly relentless and massively draining.

I don't know how to say no when the point is to bring flexibility to move for the good of our children eg to a country or area with better prospects.
I know, this is a whole bigger issue. I don't know how to assert myself. I'm actually a naturally relaxed person but conscientious and married to a highly neurotic person, so I never know which panic subject to ignore or follow.

And I do feel bad that he is in a job that demands a lot of him that he hates and is soul destroying for him, but don't see a way out with cost of living and jobs market. We honestly live as meagrely as possible

I don't know how to say no when the point is to bring flexibility to move for the good of our children eg to a country or area with better prospects.
I know, this is a whole bigger issue. I don't know how to assert myself. I'm actually a naturally relaxed person but conscientious and married to a highly neurotic person, so I never know which panic subject to ignore or follow.

And I do feel bad that he is in a job that demands a lot of him that he hates and is soul destroying for him, but don't see a way out with cost of living and jobs market. We honestly live as meagrely as possible

my friend quit her well paying job in finance to become a teacher. She did a year as a TA to get some classroom experience, realised it wasn’t at all what she’d envisaged , then went back to finance. I think you need to find a way to get some experience to see if you’d enjoy it and how it could work for you. DH had a career change to become a teacher and it works really well for us as a family, I love that we never have to worry about holiday childcare, and that he’s home relatively early to get the evening started. I work full time but I’ve always been able to do the mornings so that he can get to school very early and spend 1.5 hours in the classroom doing his admin before school starts. It’s worked out well for us all and on the whole he would tell you that loves the job and does not regret the decision to change careers.

I’m not sure I’m understanding what the benefits are as he sees them? You currently have low stress and a family friendly job, your pay isn’t that much less than teaching.

I would say you really have to have a passion and desire for the job, it can be super stressful and isn’t very family friendly - don’t expect to just work school hours, no matter what kind of teaching you will be working at least as much as you do currently, if not longer, especially in the early years whilst you sort out how to do the job. What you’ve got at the moment sounds great and there would be many teachers that would love to swap with you.

Its absolutely not selfish to do a job you are happy in that gives you flexibility, but to go into something because your husband thinks it will have benefits for the family, when some of those just aren’t true and you’re not passionate about it is crazy,

Thank you,interesting

Surely there are marketing jobs across the country, including largely remote ones, and some scope to move up from current salary too. I don't get the obsession with teaching (unless it's something you want to do, but doesn't sound like it)

It seems odd that this is coming from him. Only do it if it’s your idea.

Do you really think teachers work 8-4? Really?

No I meant at school 8 to 4 then wfh on marking etc

This is such a bizarre suggestion from your DH - retrain in a notoriously stressful career that you have absolutely no interest in and which pays less than your current job?

Why doesn’t he go off and retrain as a dentist, or a human rights lawyer, or a structural engineer?

We rely on his salary more so he can't stop working to retrain. But also yeah none of those would be for him

You do realise that his issues including his neurosis and dissatisfaction with the job are entirely his to solve? Why are you the one feeling bad for him?
There are plenty of other options available. You can move to Wales and buy a fixer-upper for 30k if you really wanted to. I don't know what it is that your husband wants to do but he better find a way to do it without relying on you being the one making a change.

If you like your current job and it pays better, you will really regret it. Teaching is incredibly tough at the beginning. Going into the classroom when you are just starting out is a baptism of fire. The children test you by subtly, or not so subtly, pushing you to see how you react. Every single class will do that. Some will do it to see how you react to bad behaviour, some to see what your subject knowledge is like and how well you know the curriculum and some because they are just bored by school and your lesson. You will then have feedback on how you can improve and have to do loads of work in the evenings and weekends. Most people are not very good at teaching when they start out so it doesn't feel very good.

1 in 4 teachers leave the profession in the first 3 years.

When I trained, you had to have spent two weeks in school before you were accepted on any training course. I don't know if this is still the case but it is a good idea.

I can see what your husband gets out of this, but his gain is all at a cost to you and that's not the way marriage works. He doesn't get to decide your career, but if the current set up isn't working for your family then you're right things need to change. You need to sit down together and decide how you want the future to look and then how you're going to afford it. It can't just be you changing for a career you don't want and him being able to do what he fancies though and forcing through his priorities. He's not the family boss.

How are your crowd control skills? Have you any experience in holding the attention of a disengaged/disenfranchised/distracted group? And maintaining that attention for an hour plus, whilst also diffusing any distractions AND managing to get them to engage with your content?

If you’re entertaining this then it would be wise to do some shadowing in local secondary schools, not just nearby grammars, get a range of experience of different schools. Would your husband be supportive of you using annual leave for this?

Your husband is weirdly fixated on this, I think you need to get to the bones of what his actual issue is and resolve together.

Why does he want you to train as a teacher? Wouldn’t you be better off to find a different marketing role (now or further down the track) that would either offer better progression so you can increase your salary, and/or offers flexibility? I’m in a senior marketing role myself, reasonably well paid, the company I work for offers both hybrid and flexible working as well as the ability to take additional unpaid leave.

“Thanks all. Im not against it, but no I don't particularly want to as I like my current job enough.”

OP, this screams don’t do it! Teaching really isn’t for everyone, and you’re never away from it - you may get the school holidays, but you really need them! If you have what sounds like an easy job that is reasonably paid and you enjoy, then stick with it.

@New2Mumming honestly, unless you really have a desire to teach (and you clearly don't) you probably wouldn't even survive the training. So you'd end up with no job and probably have to repay the bursary.
Your husband is deluded.