How does my ex know everything I do?!

[Solost92]

My ex was controlling and abusive. He went mad when I sold my car becuase he had a tracker on it. He has watched back dashcam recordings to spy on me.

He knew I was dating and where I'd been on dates.
He knew I was pregnant and what we were naming our child.
He knows my address despite me never giving him it.
He knows about a couples dating profile dp and I have on a private site you'd only see if you were also a member and matched with us. Which he wouldn't as a single male.

HOW?!
I've scanned my phone for malware. His phone number was connected to my Google account and there was a device I don't recognise that's been logged in since 2022. Could that have been him? I thought the early dating info he had was from the tracker. I thought someone had blabbed about the pregnancy. There could have been a slip up somewhere maybe on school paperwork for him to get my address. There's a chance, he or his friends stumbled across our profile amount the thousands there are completely coincidentally. But I really feel like it's too many if and buts and he could be spying on me.

Present your concerns to the local police station and ask them to have a word in his ear to stop before this turns out badly for him. If he’s got anything to lose, he should think. It’s obvious he’s had access through various digital gateways and you must get ahead and close them down systematically.

Please check out Refuge's tech safety information and contact the national domestic abuse helpline if needed. refugetechsafety.org/

Most of us would be speechless to know how perpetrators can and will access your information. Just changing devices and/or passwords may not if you do in isolation. Complete your own assessment using the guidance, ideally accessing through someone else's device.

And you also need multi factor authentication set up on your new device and email.

Just wanted to offer my heartfelt sympathy. This happened to me in the late 90s/early 2000s when he wanted full custody of our then-young child. He knew EVERYTHING I did, and he was the type of person to say the sky was black when it was blue, and everyone would believe him. Even my solicitor said that. So each time he found something I'd posted, I was made out to be "that crazy lady" when all I was doing was seeking support. It was a HORRIBLE time. He totally ruined my 20s.

Back then, technology was nowhere near what it is now. But he would find me on advice forums, Yahoo Answers (if anyone remembers that) and he even got hold of my new phone number which I'd changed to escape his shit. As for the forums, I have NO idea how he found me (in court his lawyer presented hundreds of pages my ex had printed from those forums! To say I was dumbstruck wasn't the word). I changed all details - gender, dates, more than enough for him not to know it was me. Also, one forum was extremely hidden, almost a secret society - I only found it through recommendation. How did he even find that?? And then, the one person on there who I Ieaned on for support (we would have phone calls) my ex somehow got into HIS head and he stopped talking to me!

To this day I have absolutely no idea how he did any of it.

I work in cyber security you absolutely cannot do that with smart speakers!

And why is it always a friend of a friend

You need to go straight to the police and tell them everything. Ultimately you should be able to get a restraining order placed on him, which if he breaks he could go to jail.

There's an initialisation for that: FOAF! And yes, the urban myths are so often underpinned by it.

So I’d start by telling the police because the guy is clearly stalking you and for some reason you’re not taking this seriously… It’s not just an ex being a bit weird, he’s hacked into some account to track what you’re doing OR worse he’s hired a PI.

Get a new phone, log out of every single account you’re aware of and change passwords. Check your car again for trackers. Also keep a close eye on your social media - who is following you on there, could anyone be feeding him info?

Are you logged into anything on your DS’s device that he takes there with him?

Please report your concerns to the police. This sort of behaviour is stalking and stalking is recognised as a crime. They probably won’t do anything about it but I think it’s important to try.

it sounds like part of it could be the google drive, he'd have access to any pictures you take and screenshots. he might have more of your log ins for social media. I'd speak to police and see if there is a team who can check your phone. I'd also make a report to them so they are aware. really hope you get this sorted, sounds really frightening x

Do you have FB, Instagram etc? You can see any logins in your account settings and log them all out before changing passwords etc.

That said, I would also go for a scorched earth policy and replace all devices and create new accounts for everything. Don’t use existing accounts for 2FA. And yes, I would ask the police for advice and possibly report him for the car tracker. Suzy Lamplugh Trust may also be able to advise.

This is stalking, which is a crime.

I would ring the police. And then take advice on how to remove any access he has to your devices.

He definitely has access to something.

HE WILL BE READING THIS

Firstly go to the police

and secondly it’s unlikely he’s physically spying on your or hired someone- he’s just probably still got access to all your accounts. He likely has access to your emails.

In fact reading back, yeah he has access to your entire phone via your Google account as that includes all Google services such as Google drive, maps (shows your location history), your search history, any photos uploaded to google cloud, and probably the most damning being your emails. This is how he knows your dating website details.

You do some quite casual and a little clueless about all this. It's obvious you need all you devices checked, probably replaced and I'd consider moving and who is in my friendship circle as well.

Sorry but people who a tech illiterate are really frustrating

there is no big mystery here, there is no leak from close ones.

it literally says it right there in the OP - he had access to her Google account. Ffs

Go from android to apple or the other way around. Change everything.

Tell the police. Stalking is a crime.

If he’s doing it through Google, as well as new devices, you could consider moving to another family link service, and changing your email away from Google as well.

Really easy for people to find out information if you tell others or post things online, even if they have no access to your online stuff they’ll will know someone who has.
Also I was sent paperwork from school to check addresses they held were accurate it had both our addresses on it, also I knew others had already told him.

Couples dating app? 🤷‍♀️