…to ask what you’d prioritize during mat leave, if you had your time again?

[ChilliGarlicMango]

I have a gorgeous nearly 8 week old baby, and am really enjoying maternity leave so far. I go back to work in September, and am thinking about the months ahead and wondering if there’s anything I’ll regret not doing now once I’m back at work.

I’m a primary school teacher, and already mat leave is feeling a lot more enjoyable, slower paced and relaxing than being at work. I’d like to continue to make the most of my time off. Some things I’ve done so far:

• baby sensory classes
• baby cinema
• meeting friends for lunch/ walks
• going for pram walks and stopping at coffee shops

My baby is currently sleeping fairly well at night, so I’m generally ok energy-wise during the days. My partner is a teacher too, so we’ll have the summer off together.

Does anyone have any suggestions for things they really enjoyed doing during mat leave, and are glad they prioritized? Both day to day things, or maybe any longer trips you took with your partner and baby? (Thinking ahead to the summer).

Thanks so much! I’m aware of how special this time is, and would love to hear ideas from people who have been in this position before.

I love these. Thank you. Really inspired to try solo travel with the baby ❤️

I would have lots of days out - museums, galleries etc couldn't do it when I was at home with my eldest a few years back as public transport was inaccessible and prams and buggies was big and bulky. I did read a lot though.

I echo what everyone has said about relaxation, cuddles, and enjoying your baby - it's all about building that bond! I would also say make the effort now to get your baby used to and enjoying both water and the outdoors. They make such a difference when they are just a bit older.

Remember that baby classes are for the mums, not the babies. (apart from swimming possibly) If you live a normal active life and interact with your baby, they have more than enough sensory experience being out and about

So if you enjoy them, go for them, that's what they are for, but they are not mandatory.

From the toddler stage, classes become more interesting for the child, but babies? not really. Which is great, you spend your maternity leave doing what makes YOU happy, and it will work for your baby.

This is also true, and very important to mention.
My first was also one of those unsettled colicky babies, later found to have cmpa.
It's fantastic to read about all those lovely stories, but equally relevant to note that things don't always go to plan. I felt like I was the only one with a baby who was very unsettled and that made me a terrible mum, which absolutely isn't true, but when you are sleep deprived it can be very easy to focus on the negatives.

To be honest the only thing I'd change is to go away for a few days with the baby.

I only had 18 weeks with both children so stayed until the last possible minute to start mat leave so I could have more time afterwards. It worked well, I had 3 days off before ds1 was born and I was still working when ds2 arrived.

I am pleased that I went back to the gym 7 days after ds1 was born. I had an hour of gym and an hour of swimming in the morning and it made me feel alert. Ds1 was a summer baby so after the gym we went home, he had his nap and after lunch I would walk to the beach abd stay out for a few hours.
I tried a mum and baby session and hated it!.
Ds was born in winter and initially i repeated the patter that I had with ds1 but the bad weather came so we hininated.
It was fabulous but made it mentally hard work in going back to work!

It sounds like you're doing it just right. My only regret was not keeping a diary of little milestones. I took lots of pics and videos but I look back at them now (my DS is 2.5) and I can barely remember him as a baby.

Oh and pics and videos with yourself and loved ones in too. You'll be looking back on them when you're a grandparent!

I wish we'd gone abroad while baby was small. I was too anxious about how hard it would be but it turns out it's much easier to travel with a small baby who sleeps and has no desires to do anything than it is too try to keep a toddler amused on a plane and explain to them why they can't go into the sea when it's dark 😂

Time again if do a lot more interaction with baby. I was trying to keep dd to a sleep routine but honestly just hugging baby be enough. I did baby groups but I certainly would never ever do baby sensory again. Waste of money.

My huge regret is not travelling with my small, portable baby. Looking back I really wish I'd taken the train to Italy. We did get the Eurostar to Belgium at five months, which was fab, but I wish I'd done more.

Thank you for the warning @AgingLikeGazpacho ! This has been a very long awaited pregnancy indeed, so your warning is probably a good reminder that things don't always go to plan!

Cuddles.

just that really. I’d put less pressure on myself to do things and just enjoy lots of cuddles

Honestly if you both have the summer off then travel!

Swimming was key for us

Its all a blur of feeding issues and nap traps.

Figure out what classes you like to do on nwd assuming you go back pt

Really research childcare

Lots and lots of food play

I’m on mat leave now with my second baby. What I’ve done differently this time is I haven’t signed up to any classes, for the first 6 months I mostly contact napped and just enjoyed being at home with my baby and dogs. I got out walking most days and have had no expectations from any day apart from doing what I wanted in the moment. Though saying this, I have mum friends from my first mat leave and I really enjoy time alone

I’d have asked more family and friends to take photos of me and DD when she was a baby. I have loads of photos from my maternity leave of DD and my DP, our parents, friends etc but very few with me in.

I would have done more things on my own with her too such as art galleries. I did lots of classes and coffee and cake with my mum friends, but they are so portable at that age and I didn’t really appreciate that.

Making friends, building a bit of a local networks for emergency pick ups, play dates, moral support, help, babysitting (all reciprocal) as your dc grow up. From teething to driving lessons… some of my mat leave friends are invaluable 17 years later.

I know I’m very lucky, but my maternity leaves have been the best times of my life. Am almost a pro now as nearing the end of my third and final leave!

In summary, I’d do exactly what works for you. My ideal scenario is two or three fixed things a week like a baby class and swimming, coupled with loads of pottering about with baby in a sling. Nice cafes, train trips to see friends, the beach. Stick a small blanket in a rucksack and in summer with an immobile baby you’re basically able to stop anywhere and eat a pastry and watch the world go by with baby on the floor under a tree. No time constraints. Absolute bliss!

Other tip would be to throw all baby books in the bin and get off Mumset unless you really need advice about something. With my eldest I wasted so much time stressing about naps. And tried desperately to get him to sleep in a cot. I have realised that, for me, co-sleeping makes everything easier and that whatever makes baby and family happy is a priority. Trust your instincts and do what feels right to you (as long as it’s safe)!

Take more photos and videos. Even though I took loads, I wish I took more. Make sure you get yourself in them.

Not a regret (as I did it) but prioritise doing a baby record book with printed out photos and lots of written memories (first words, holidays etc) if you get chance. I love the ones I created for my kids, I spent a long time on them which I wouldn't normally have when at work. It's the only printed photo album they have, although if I get my act together I'll make one of their childhood pictures at some point too.

Also consider making some keepsake items for them - I made bunting for my kids with their names on. I chose prints that would last as they get older. We get it out for birthday parties every year.

Not sure where you are based but if you like singing check out singing mamas, they are all over the UK so could be one local to you. I put it off and didn't with my first, but regret that as it was my absolute highlight of mat leave with my second ❤️

So we had a nicu stay, lots of other hospitalisations, reflux and a baby who never slept with my eldest and honestly it was one of the happiest years of my life, even with post natal anxiety. My youngest was post COVID lockdowns and more isolated in some ways but she was a very content baby and the world started to open back up and we spent so much time just creatively finding ways to pass our time.

I loved baby groups and toddler groups and baby cinema and bookbugs and the kids library and coffee shops. Don't get me wrong there's a lot that I remember as hard especially with health stuff and also some Sen with eldest, breastfeeding was rough a lot. But the time to just cuddle my baby and be in my home. Wonderful. Keep doing what makes you happy.

Primary school teacher here too.

My first mat leave (NICU baby) - everything was cancelled, couldn't go out or meet up etc & COVID and lockdowns. Mental health suffered! I sewed a lot and made baby grows once baby was about 7months and napping consistently.

My second mat leave (easy birth, 20min!) - I was determined to enjoy it! We went on holiday during term time to an AI resort when baby was just shy of 3 months old! Felt so naughty! DH and I (he WFH) went out for lunch at least once a week while eldest was at nursery and baby napped/slept in bassinet. We had dates to baby cinema, bring your own baby comedy during the day, all sorts. I did all the baby classes e.g. baby sensory, swimming, sing and sign, we went to the library every 3 weeks, we went to cafés, afternoons in the pub, visited friends, family everything and anything I wanted to do, we did. We took day trips to new towns and I strolled, baby napped, we spent a lot of time in coffee shops eating cake.
My eldest had their routine and classes alongside that and we went to all those still as well, baby tagged along. It was lovely 😍

Lockdown baby 1 - so focused and stressed by naps and wake windows, sleep environments etc. PFB.
Baby 2 - baby slept when they slept. This was my time not baby's. Get your wellies on toddler we're going out.

I would 100% nap and rest guilt free and when baby is awake I would just enjoy them. I absolutely loved the baby stage but for some reason I always felt like I should do the jobs around the house and be busy when the baby was asleep because I was at home. It was daft and all in my head but being a mum is exhausting (and incredible) so I wish I had rested more

Sorry to burst the bliss bubble in this thread but I'm confused - I must be doing it completely wrong because I genuinely didn't know maternity leave was supposed to be as enjoyable as people are describing?! I have a 3 month old and I think she is actually a pretty relaxed and easy baby but my days are a bit of a slog instead of the absolute bliss described in this thread! I'm usually sleep deprived so I don't have much energy to go out and do things. If I do go out then feeding is a nightmare as DD spits up a lot and covers us both in milk, and then I have to find somewhere to change her. If I'm at home, between feeds I'm either contact napping (only way she'll nap), playing with DD or trying to get her to sleep, or doing essential things like eating, washing/making bottles, laundry - nothing I can put off as baby needs bottles and clean clothes! I certainly don't have time for things like house renovations or crafts as PPs have said! I don't mean to be negative as I'm certainly enjoying time with my lovely baby but genuinely didn't realise other people have such amazing experiences on maternity leave.

I haven’t been on maternity leave yet but how realistic would it be to try and do a masters simultaneously? Cause I’ve always wanted mine but haven’t wanted to take time off work to do it, mat leave seems convenient?

Another teacher here. I’m on mat leave with baby number 2 at the moment. Back to work just before end of summer term so I get paid for the 6 weeks summer holiday.

I was speaking about my first mat leave with my husband earlier. I actually went back to work early as my first baby was such hard work. Super unsettled, I couldn’t do anything. Always wanted to be up and walking around. Would scream in car seat, pushchair, if I sat down, wouldn’t sleep unless in contact with me, both day and night. So that mat leave was really tough and the sleep deprivation made me feel like I was losing it.

This one is completely different. Baby 2 is much more chilled so I’ve been able to get out to the odd group and make mum friends. I’ve met friends for cake or a play date for the older child. But I’ve also had days where I’ve just sat on the sofa and snuggled with the baby. I’ve not done crafts (I’ve seen pics of people knitting/cross stitching whilst holding their baby!) but I am managing to get some chores done when baby goes down on the play mat.

I also agree with book a holiday. I’m so excited to make the most of term time prices! I wouldn’t have dreamt of going away with first baby, but with this one, it feels possible!