…to ask what you’d prioritize during mat leave, if you had your time again?

[ChilliGarlicMango]

I have a gorgeous nearly 8 week old baby, and am really enjoying maternity leave so far. I go back to work in September, and am thinking about the months ahead and wondering if there’s anything I’ll regret not doing now once I’m back at work.

I’m a primary school teacher, and already mat leave is feeling a lot more enjoyable, slower paced and relaxing than being at work. I’d like to continue to make the most of my time off. Some things I’ve done so far:

• baby sensory classes
• baby cinema
• meeting friends for lunch/ walks
• going for pram walks and stopping at coffee shops

My baby is currently sleeping fairly well at night, so I’m generally ok energy-wise during the days. My partner is a teacher too, so we’ll have the summer off together.

Does anyone have any suggestions for things they really enjoyed doing during mat leave, and are glad they prioritized? Both day to day things, or maybe any longer trips you took with your partner and baby? (Thinking ahead to the summer).

Thanks so much! I’m aware of how special this time is, and would love to hear ideas from people who have been in this position before.

This is such a wonderful thread 😍 I have not yet had the joy of maternity leave and I'm so excited!

When they are really small watching TV and contact naps over classes etc. Walking when its nice and seeing friends. Pub gardens in summer!

With DD my second DH had a few months pat leave and we went to the pub and on walks etc. I did baby sensory but honestly I could have taken or left it.

I've really enjoyed stuff that's a bit more for me as well like exercise class with baby, baby cinema and bring baby choir. I love mat leave!

Once they become toddlers everything becomes a bit of a battle for a few years so make the most of it!

I would not have an allergy baby!

I regret not going to any antenatal classes whilst pregnant but equally regret not going to mother and baby groups either!

My physical health and well being and recovery.

Building proper exercise that takes into account pelvic and core health into a sustainable routine. It gets harder as they get more mobile, so establishing that when there’s more time and less wriggling.

It might be postnatal Pilates at this point, and something else later on - but embedding that.

Sleep!!

Sleep when the baby is asleep and leave chorus until when they are awake.

Establishing a good self care routine for myself. Getting outside in the fresh air every day

Establishing a village. Starting with DH. By this I mean making sure that he saw himself as an equal parent and did not see me as the house fairy who did all the housework. Mat leave is for recovery and caring for baby. Housework should still be shared relatively equally.

I often say this on the back to work threads - I think fathers need to be responsible for the first 6 months carer's leave to give their partners time to re-establish themselves in their job. After that it can be equal. So setting that expectation.

And definitely lots of snuggles

More skin on skin. Even more pics of him, of us and the family as a whole. I wish i'd done more cooking/baking from scratch and food prep, weirdly. More time with extended family so he could get to know them better from a younger age. More travel!

On a dry day I would pack myself a lunch and take the pram to the park, sit on a bench and watch the world go by while eating. It was so relaxing, got us out in the fresh air and gave me some time to connect with the outside world while DH was at work.

My parents are retired so it was lovely to walk to their house and pop in or take DS with me to meet DM for coffee etc.

I refused to pay for any baby classes, we went to the free rhyme time and story time twice a week at the library. We had a few months where his nap time changed so being committed to classes at set times would have been a pain. I loved that we could make our own routine based on his sleep. I think it did him a huge favour as he’s always been a great sleeper (he’s 7 now so hopefully that’ll continue!).

Sign up to trusted house sitters/get a good deal on airbnb and find a cottage by the sea or somewhere gorgeous and absolutely maximise your summer of not working as much as possible!

Also, enjoy going out to long lunches etc with bubba now as much as you can! We even managed dinners out with baby asleep in the pram in the early months. Can’t do that now!

Prioritise a lack of goals.

There was a baby comedy gig near me that I enjoyed. Like baby cinema - anything you can’t do once they’re mobile and having a tantrum every five seconds.

That said, I did every class going on my mat leave and I’m glad I did, to have had the experience. But if I was able to have another baby I would watch TV on the sofa for 9 months solid while they slept!!! I now realise they will never be that easy and peaceful and sleepy again, and I’ll never get that opportunity to relax again.

More things for me when they were very portable and more things for them when they were able to take it in. Fewer buns for me.

I did some hikes with DS - put him in a sling, took a backpack and a picnic and went off wandering for the day (he was BF so only needed to take nappies). It was lovely.

If your DP is free over summer, what about going and staying in another city for 6 weeks? Get an Airbnb and “live” in Paris, New York or anywhere else you’ve always dreamed of moving to. Or if you live in a city, go live up a mountain/by the sea or something. If I had thought about it and if DS hadn’t inconveniently been born in March (so I went back to work in Feb) I’d have gone and lived in a ski resort for a season.

Do as few or many classes as you want. I loved baby swimming and so did DS, so that was no chore at all. I quite liked Hartbeeps (sensory and music) once DS was 6 months or so and getting something out of it. I did a mum and baby Pilates class for my own benefit. Aside from that I did walks, visited museums and art galleries, renovated my house, and generally pleased myself for a year.

Oh, what a lovely thread!

I didn't have mat leave with DD as she was my ex-partner's biological child, and she was also a terrible sleeper and ill early on, so it felt very stressy ... but I still have some really lovely memories and it was so nice to read this thread and remember them. For me:

• Definitely a little UK holiday if you can. A long weekend is perfect, out of holiday season. Just pack up the car and head to somewhere quiet with a beach in walking distance and a nice pub and bookshops to browse around, and do almost nothing except be in a different place.
• Absolutely, make mum friends. I've still got most of my NCT group on FB nearly a decade on, and they were wonderful, even though lots of us have moved miles/countries away now. It's still so good to see the babies grow.
• Take tons of pictures! Make sure you get lots of you and your partner with the baby, too ... you will want to look back and remember.
• Baby swimming is nice.
• Def. galleries, cinema, everything you can enjoy soaking up (because they soon stop being portable!).
• Crafting, if it's your thing. Making clothes/toys for a toddler is the best thing and super cheap as it uses very little fabric/yarn. Also you get automatic access to lovely quasi-grandmother figures at craft groups.
• Be very gentle to yourself.

Making as many local mum friends as I can - we depended on each other quite a lot for first five years (still would but we’ve all moved away)

and - travel! We took our baby to Europe at 3 months and wish we had been free to stay longer

Absolutely hated mat leave both times.

Biggest regret is not doing what my friend did and join a gym with a creche. Would have helped save my sanity.

I would do things where you can connect with other adults you really like. I don’t think the classes matter. But the things I’m glad I did involved making genuine supportive friendships. I still keep in touch with 2 of the mums from my NCT antenatal class - our babies are turning 13 this month!

And travel! I did a bit of travel with my 2nd, European city breaks mainly and it was fantastic. They are so portable and you can spend an afternoon in a museum or sitting in a cafe or strolling around a botanical garden especially when they aren’t yet mobile. I have some great memories of those trips (and I did it solo, me and baby and all the stuff on a plane and public transport, was no big deal).

I loved my little routine of going for a walk in the pram in the morning and afternoon, come rain or shine!

And all the cuddles and feeling him sleep on me whilst I watched some TV series.

A special memory was going to the wildlife park when he was about 5 months old and watching the penguins.

I have so many nice selfies or photos of him as a newborn which I love looking back on.

Enjoy your maternity leave! It's such a special time xx

Ive loved reading the responses on this thread, as I’m currently a teacher on mat leave with my five month old and loving it.

The slower pace of life is just great. One thing I’ve loved but I’m losing now as my baby wakes up at 8am and it’s already light (but you can look forward to this towards the end of your mat leave when winter rolls around again!)… was sitting doing his first feed around 7.30am when it was still dark outside. My nursing chair is by the window and I loved sitting with him, in my dressing gown, cup of coffee by my side, nice and cosy and warm inside, watching all the commuters going to work, in the cold and dark. Knowing that I didn’t have to do that. Knowing I could stay cosy inside with the lamp and the heating on, with my baby. I hope I never forget those precious mornings!

I did the things you are doing and I loved it. I also learnt a lot of new recipes, especially during the weaning stage. I now have simple and quick but nutritious meals I can make after work. The tea time rush once back at work was a shock to the system, what used to be a relaxing wind down time is quite a mad rush now so quick and easy meals are needed.

Take a term time holiday!!!! Sooo much more cheaper and you won’t be able to do it again. Even if it’s in uk. Just go!

Would echo the people saying they'd spend more time gazing at the baby or just being with them in whatever capacity. Feel like with #1 I was up and out of the house on day 2 (way too early, should have been resting!), then spent the year going to choirs, yoga, craft groups, book groups and the usual baby focused stuff, walking the dog, met friends for coffee, walked, explored, went to galleries, took baby swimming, decorated my house, visited friends and family for a few nights here and there, travelled, it was really wonderful in many ways and very reminiscent of who I was pre baby....but then I saw this film where a couple were just lying in bed together with their baby and kinda cooing over it, just spending time together doing nothing and I don't think I did that once. If we were stationary it's because I was feeding, or the baby was asleep and then I was reading or listening to a podcast...always doing something. When #2 came along there was a busy toddler so again we were usually out and about or playing or doing something.

In the past year I've learned the value of spending quiet time together as a family. Just all chilling in the same space. Definitely going to be lots of that with #3.

Prioritise yourself. Your recovery, your rest, your time. Do the hobbies you've always put off! Take the baby to the gallery you've always wanted to go to. Drive yourselves to the beach just because. Decide what you want to do and go for it.

Most baby classes are just a way to separate new parents from their money and have little other purpose, except maybe meeting other parents who've fallen for it too. Do NOT feel guilty about not going if you don't want to. Your baby will be just fine!

Not to scare you as this is indeed a lovely thread, but some babies are more difficult and do make enjoying mat leave a struggle.

I was also expecting to have one of the types of mat leave detailed here but sadly had a very colicky, refluxy baby who refused to sleep and would shriek like a banshee for hours because she would be overtired (especially around the 4 month mark). Wouldn't accept a bottle or a dummy and would demand a boob every 1.5-2hrs (throughout the night, one night it was every 45 minutes). She refused to sleep lying down so I'd have to hold her upright for most of the night and worry about SIDS risks. She was also an early and continuous teether so constantly in pain (poor thing) and wanted the world to know it.

She's a fantastic toddler now and good fun, but mat leave was extremely stressful and overwhelming despite me trying to just keep things chill and do lots of pram walks, read to her, massaged her, did lots of skin to skin, lots of playing on the mat together. Galleries etc were out of the question as she would scream bloody murder. Swimming was also an awful experience as she hated it and made all the other babies cry. Honestly think I'm a bit traumatised by my mat leave 😅

Reading this thread is like stepping into a completely different world! My SIL absolutely loved her 2 mat leaves (which were prior to mine) and I was fully expecting to have 6 months of bliss cuddled up to a squishy new friend. On the plus side, return to work felt like a relief!