To ask why do some people feel they know famous people enough to form an informed opinion about their private lives?

[VIPNanny]

As per my username, I work as a nanny for « VIP families » (UHNW families as we say in the industry) and I was reading some of the threads about Brooklyn Beckham and while it’s not news to me, I am always genuinely stunned to see so many people act as if they, for certain, know what’s going on in the lives of famous people, especially behind closed doors or at least enough to form an opinion about whether or not someone is being genuine about their lived experience to the point of vehemently denying the possibility of it being true and even eagerly name calling the person sharing their story as if they know the truth?

Like it genuinely surprises me, and make me question why and how?

I have seen it with the royals and multiple other threads about celebrities and it always stuns me. Not just that people care (because why?) but that people care enough to take sides and even defend certain parties as if they know the truth and seem (for some) to even develop genuine disdain towards the other party as they defend their position? And even using nicknames for the celebrities as if they are pals (Vicky/Dave).

I am someone who has never cared about famous people, I don’t read media that talk about celebrities, I don’t follow any of them on social media because unless I work for them they are complete strangers to me and I couldn’t care less what Kim Kardashian does or how David Beckham spends his day, I don’t follow influencers of any kind, I am literally discovering the Beckham saga thanks to Mumsnet, as that’s how far removed I am from caring about what celebrities are doing/thinking/feeling.

I do work for them though, so while I have no clue a lot of the time about their public lives I do know quite a lot about their private lives and more specifically the dynamics surrounding their kids, and that’s why I can honestly say it’s impossible to even begin to imagine what goes on behind closed doors in those environments unless you are actively part of those environments. It’s impossible to guess what someone went through in his/her childhood just because certain people appear a certain way in public.

Through my work, I have seen it all, genuinely loving families who care, but also, and dare I say it, mostly, family dynamics that are extremely detrimental to the children & that would make anyone want to go no contact in adulthood. What’s hardest is that there is nothing to do to protect them because they aren’t physically neglected. It’s all emotional neglect.

But to give some (small) examples, it’s genuinely not rare at all for me to have worked for people who only see their kids for 5 minutes a day, and I do mean 5 minutes (and sometimes even then it feels as if those 5 minutes are spent under duress) unless there are guests or a photo op, in this case the attitude completely changes and then sure you could almost give them an award as parent of the year, but the second people leave so do they. In some cases the kids don’t even live with the parents they live in completely different quarters/ or even building to their parents with their assigned staff members. So those kids may have money but there is genuinely often a lot of emotional neglect going on.

Most of those kids live very unstable lives, with no secure attachment figure with most kids usually having to go through an endless stream of ever changing nannies & staff members (either due to parents firing people on a whim or Nannies having to quit due to either working conditions or what we are often made to witness.) Many times I have been nanny number 7 or 8 of kids that weren’t even 2 yet or I have seen parents fire a great nanny or great staff with a great long-standing bond with a kid because the parents felt the kid preferred the nanny/other staff member to them and it’s not rare that they are then not even allowed to say goodbye to the kids.

Those kids go through many things emotionally that they are not able to express because their parents/circle uses money and gift as a bandaid for emotional neglect and negate the impact that have on those kids. Most of the time those kids have to fight HARD for the attention of their parents and they often learn quickly that they only get it when in certain context (if other eyes are watching.)

Don’t get me wrong like I have said there are some great families who do care and who are present for their kids but I will say the key word is some. Most of the kids I have looked after have about 100 reasons to go no contact with their parents and probably will have a 1000 more by the time they reach adulthood, whether they will or won’t I have no idea but I just hope that if they do it that it won’t be needed to be done publicly but if it is that they won’t have to sit through millions of strangers negating their story and lived experiences, based on what they know nothing about.

I have no clue what happened in the Beckham’s household so won’t ever pretend I do, but I do know that most staff who has ever worked in this kind of environment often feel terrible for the children. There are many things money can’t fix or can’t make up for and there are many toxic dynamics that stems from wealth and fame that people who have never lived with or close to absolutely can’t grasp nor understand. Calling someone names because they share a story about their lives that you are not privy to, as if they have personally offended you acting as if the other party (you also don’t know) needs defending is bizarre.

So AIBU to question why people do that? Like why do they feel so involved in a strangers life that some genuinely feel entitled (or informed enough, and if so on what basis?) to deny people’s lived experiences or even worse, come up with their own alternative version of events (even though they have never met either party) to the point of feeling entitled to insult (or worse, remotely diagnose) those people in order to defend their stance?

The whole thing is just so bizarre to me because at the end of the day those people aren’t just entertainment, they are real people and there are real kids/young adults who genuinely suffer and suffered from the dynamics fame and money brought to their lives and what it took from them (in terms of childhood and in terms of relationship with their parents.)

I agree. I would never judge other people just because they are celebrities, we don't really know anything about them so how can we? It seems exactly like the kind of thing Tess Daley would do though.

Because some of them choose to splash their private lives all over the media. Brooklyn beckham doesn’t need to share his whole life story with the world. But he makes money from it. So that’s his call. But I get annoyed when they then start moaning about how difficult their lives are.

People feel entitled to an opinion because the people concerned push their lives under the public nose. BB chose to regale the world and its dog with details of his life, presumably precisely so the public would form an opinion. And those who are interested have. So he gets what he wants and people who are interested get something to talk about. So everyone's happy.

I couldn't care less about the cult of celebrity and it annoys me when I see copious 'news' stories (it's not news, there is plenty else going on in the world) about celebrities repeated ad nauseam in the media. That said, if people make a living off of NOT making their private lives private - then what the hell else can they expect? 'Brand Beckham' WANTS people to know about them, to be invested in them, to buy their products, to follow them on social media. All that said I do agree that this parasocial nonsense has to stop - we are given a curated view of what apparently goes on behind the scenes and from other parties. I just wish they would keep it all to themselves frankly.

I don’t really care about slebs and royals to even have an opinion. Their business really, although some of them do seem silly.

You're kind of doing the same thing though OP, with your 'inside knowledge' and telling us you work for famous people.

For all we know you could be a Lollypop Lady from Croydon 🤷‍♂️

The internet is just a place where people can post batshit opinions and batshit claims.

TL;DR, but people form opinions on lots of people and things around them, regardless of how much they know. It's human nature, judging people around us and assessing who is like us and who isn't.

Well aren’t you such a superior person to the rest of us, clearly on higher moral ground to never hold a view about anyone you have never met.
Do any of us really know what’s going on inside other people’s head, even people close to us? That doesn’t stop us having an opinion and then obviously low brow people like me just enjoy a good gossip.
Simple really.

It could be, in part, because gossipy staff members come online to fuel the fire, thus making people feel as though they have inside knowledge 🤷🏽‍♀️

Who knows though, certainly not you op because you're so much better than people who take an interest in the lives of celebrities.

Yabu to type this whole thread about your nanny life, without spilling any celeb tea 😒

OP I agree with a PP; you’re clearly morally superior to us all. Personally, I’d rather gossip with my girlfriends about ‘slebs that I’ll never meet, than work for a “UHNW” individual who neglects their kids, but that’s just me, so……. Yeah.

I think it’s generally only very stupid people who believe their opinions are facts with such conviction. I always find it disturbing how so many people are “absolutely certain” that the Mccanns killed Madeline. As if they are in possession of some undeniable evidence that even the police haven’t got access to.
Unfortunately social media has given a platform to the masses and a voice to the stupidest in society. I cringe inwardly when I see people acting like this. No self awareness at all.

I don’t find myself superior to anyone, there is a difference between having an opinion (everyone can have an opinion about anyone and anything) and people literally denying someone’s lived experience and resorting to insults or online diagnosis though.

Mumsnet is a place where people come to share their private matters on the public domain, and as most Mumsnetters I do have an opinion regarding the different situations people find themselves in, but I don’t act as if I know the OP, or enough about their lives to tell them their reality is false or that what they are sharing hasn’t happened or hasn’t happened as they have said.

I understand people who have an opinion, my bewilderment is with people acting as if they actually don’t just have an opinion but know better than those involved what’s going on and literally denying people their own stories or feeling comfortable insulting or even diagnosing someone they have never even talked to in real life based on the small (often second hand) information they get.

One can have an opinion and share it without resorting to any of the above.

It happens also a lot on Mumsnet to be fair people who happily diagnose other people kids or even other adults with Autism or try to re-write OP’s life story to fit their narratives even though all the information they have is one small thread about someone’s life and despite the OP confirming that’s not what has happened.

So I am genuinely curious as to why people feel comfortable doing that?

You work as a nanny for VIP families.

Did you just fall into repeatedly working for the UHNW types? Do you put on your CV "only want to work for upper middle class dentists" and those dastardly nanny agencies keep sending you you to child-neglecting jet setters? .

They must have something going for them that you keep signing up for more of the same.

i am on the fence about this. I feel that these people that thrive off a public life financially unfortunately should accept the consequences of the public interest in their private lives as well as their public personna. Unfortunate price to pay. However, I did see a thread on here that involved an actual member of my family and the speculation and comments about them/it started to verge on batshit crazy! People commenting like they knew better! It was so so weird and a bit scary! So yes op I get what you say, and I agree but it’s a price being famous you have to pay.

Exactly.

Agree and the same people who love and thrive on this and often fictional drama to used to sell papers would be feeling completely different if it were them being lied about and said to have done xyz.

It’s always fun and a bit of gossip, nothing really until it’s them that is being talked about.

The Beckham situation sounds just like any other family disagreement.
Im not interested in their family dinamics

In my experience of MN there is a certain type of poster who denies every single type of emotional experience.

Prince Harry, who no matter how he has behaved after, obviously had an upbringing that had elements of what you describe, the same with BB and then the posters do the same on the relationship boards dismissing posters experiences and onto the disability boards saying everyone has ASD these days.

The posters often come off as emotionally avoidant themselves and lacking much empathy or awareness of how others might experience the world.

Money does not bring connection and people need healthy emotional connections for good mental health. Whatever the rights and wrongs of BB posts and his perceptions there was a significant emphasis on the fact that he does not feel emotionally connected to his parents who have given the world every impression that they value deep relationships with their children.

No matter what they can argue back over they can never override that their son doesn’t feel the emotional connection he wanted from them growing up.

No, I started working for your average family, ended up in an UHNW family and from then on mainly work with them. I tend to pick families who on first sight and based on our first call might align with me, but sadly you don’t know a family or the reality of things until you actually work for them and once you do work for a family that’s not great it’s hard to leave because of the kids.

In the end I work with the kids on a basis of 24/6 or 24/7 often since birth, and it’s impossible not to care about the kids you look after so it’s not as easy as leaving because they are emotionally neglected, because the more lack of attention you see them get, the more you actively want to be there for them and create an environnement for them where they have some sort of normalcy and emotional stability and the less you want to leave and feel like you too are abandoning them when they are already attached to you (again like I have said many of them I have since the moment they are born and then have with me 24/6 or 24/7) and leaving usually does mean never seeing or even hearing from them again, so it’s not an emotionally easy choice to make.

Yet I do leave though when it’s more than I can bear and look for a better family and do report them. I recently quit a terrible position and currently am in a very great role with a great family (so they do exist and they are usually the one that make you hope the next one will be similar), but after my last position I have made the decision to now only work for families I have already worked for and are great or for families they directly recommend (though again that can also sometimes be hit or miss).

In the end I went into nannying because I love kids and providing them with a fun safe loving environment to grow into, and when I started I didn’t even imagine I would work where I work or see what I see, because like I have said it’s so far removed from my own upbringing.

Im not sure they claim to have fully informed opinions, just opinions based on the information available to them.

@Icannotremembermyusername

I would agree for the adults who willingly chose fame or a career that might lead to fame/being in the public eye but for the kids born into these families I think it’s so much harder. The majority of them have never had a choice not to be in the public eye or to be protected from public opinion. So when young adults who have spent their entire childhood in the public eye because their parents forced them to be, I don’t think it’s as easy as « that’s what they get for being famous », because they never decided that for themselves.

Let’s go further than famous people, most kids nowadays are paraded on social media from the minute they are conceived, one can’t even grow a penis in-vitro without many parents making it a main-event that requires sometimes multiple social media posts and at least a video of the parents reacting to their sex reveal (a good chunk of the videos even portraying disappointing parents at the news they are having a girl/boy), from then on you get pictures of ultrasounds, details of the birth, and monthly if not daily update of their growth and development, you then often see videos of their cutes moments but also their tantrums etc…

Most kids nowadays (irrelevant of fame status) have no right to privacy, they can’t even tantrum without it being turned into a reel that thousands of strangers comment on, some feeling comfortable calling those kids «brats » or other worse stuff.

Like I do think it’s not really the price of being famous when it comes to kids and more the price kids pay for being plastered unwillingly all over social media, as well as the current society we live in where we now have too much information (yet not enough) about other people’s lives that we feel entitled to judge/criticize/insult based on a 20 seconds reel or social media post.

And I am honestly genuinely curious how most of this new generation of kids (kids of famous people or just parents who like to share their lives online) will be able to build their own personality and not just absorb what people think of them when the world already have an opinion of them before they even have a chance to grow into themselves.

I mean suicide in young children is at an all time high. Including young « influencers » etc… nobody should pay that kind of price.

The other thing @VIPNanny is that not ever celeb does this. Plenty of celebrities shield their children from the attention and they are as anonymous as most other children. Seeing your children as part of your brand is pretty narcissistic in and of itself.

I’m not really interested in celebrity culture, but I do have a visceral dislike of David Beckham that goes back to when he was first becoming famous as a footballer. He has just always seemed sly, mean and greedy to me, and has obviously been in the news a lot over the years seeming even more sly, mean and greedy. So I feel sorry for Brooklyn, and kind of feel quietly smug and vindicated by the evidence emerging that I was right, even though I rarely think about the Beckhams or discuss with anyone. I did think about posting on one of the threads about how I never liked DB, but I stopped myself, because, what’s the point? So I do agree therefore that the public’s (including me in this example ) relationship with celebrities is weird

I imagine the Beckhams could have, if they wanted, lived in a lot more private and low key manner since leaving football, or the spice girls.
They were obviously a big draw for media and magazines in the 90s/early 2000s, as a power couple, and maybe they had no options then (potentially being papped everywhere they went)

But they probably have more choice, now, in what they do and dont share, on both their own social media, and mainstream media. They've each had their own documentary series that they will have had editorial control of....
In fact they would probably be disappointed if people didnt have an opinion on them.

Ive got no idea what's gone on between Beckhams as in David and Victoria, (using their initials just makes me think of a stomach bug) and Brooklyn, or whether there's any truth in his post, but when you share as much as they do, voluntarily its not all that surprising that people comment, or form an opinion