To ask why do some people feel they know famous people enough to form an informed opinion about their private lives?

[VIPNanny]

As per my username, I work as a nanny for « VIP families » (UHNW families as we say in the industry) and I was reading some of the threads about Brooklyn Beckham and while it’s not news to me, I am always genuinely stunned to see so many people act as if they, for certain, know what’s going on in the lives of famous people, especially behind closed doors or at least enough to form an opinion about whether or not someone is being genuine about their lived experience to the point of vehemently denying the possibility of it being true and even eagerly name calling the person sharing their story as if they know the truth?

Like it genuinely surprises me, and make me question why and how?

I have seen it with the royals and multiple other threads about celebrities and it always stuns me. Not just that people care (because why?) but that people care enough to take sides and even defend certain parties as if they know the truth and seem (for some) to even develop genuine disdain towards the other party as they defend their position? And even using nicknames for the celebrities as if they are pals (Vicky/Dave).

I am someone who has never cared about famous people, I don’t read media that talk about celebrities, I don’t follow any of them on social media because unless I work for them they are complete strangers to me and I couldn’t care less what Kim Kardashian does or how David Beckham spends his day, I don’t follow influencers of any kind, I am literally discovering the Beckham saga thanks to Mumsnet, as that’s how far removed I am from caring about what celebrities are doing/thinking/feeling.

I do work for them though, so while I have no clue a lot of the time about their public lives I do know quite a lot about their private lives and more specifically the dynamics surrounding their kids, and that’s why I can honestly say it’s impossible to even begin to imagine what goes on behind closed doors in those environments unless you are actively part of those environments. It’s impossible to guess what someone went through in his/her childhood just because certain people appear a certain way in public.

Through my work, I have seen it all, genuinely loving families who care, but also, and dare I say it, mostly, family dynamics that are extremely detrimental to the children & that would make anyone want to go no contact in adulthood. What’s hardest is that there is nothing to do to protect them because they aren’t physically neglected. It’s all emotional neglect.

But to give some (small) examples, it’s genuinely not rare at all for me to have worked for people who only see their kids for 5 minutes a day, and I do mean 5 minutes (and sometimes even then it feels as if those 5 minutes are spent under duress) unless there are guests or a photo op, in this case the attitude completely changes and then sure you could almost give them an award as parent of the year, but the second people leave so do they. In some cases the kids don’t even live with the parents they live in completely different quarters/ or even building to their parents with their assigned staff members. So those kids may have money but there is genuinely often a lot of emotional neglect going on.

Most of those kids live very unstable lives, with no secure attachment figure with most kids usually having to go through an endless stream of ever changing nannies & staff members (either due to parents firing people on a whim or Nannies having to quit due to either working conditions or what we are often made to witness.) Many times I have been nanny number 7 or 8 of kids that weren’t even 2 yet or I have seen parents fire a great nanny or great staff with a great long-standing bond with a kid because the parents felt the kid preferred the nanny/other staff member to them and it’s not rare that they are then not even allowed to say goodbye to the kids.

Those kids go through many things emotionally that they are not able to express because their parents/circle uses money and gift as a bandaid for emotional neglect and negate the impact that have on those kids. Most of the time those kids have to fight HARD for the attention of their parents and they often learn quickly that they only get it when in certain context (if other eyes are watching.)

Don’t get me wrong like I have said there are some great families who do care and who are present for their kids but I will say the key word is some. Most of the kids I have looked after have about 100 reasons to go no contact with their parents and probably will have a 1000 more by the time they reach adulthood, whether they will or won’t I have no idea but I just hope that if they do it that it won’t be needed to be done publicly but if it is that they won’t have to sit through millions of strangers negating their story and lived experiences, based on what they know nothing about.

I have no clue what happened in the Beckham’s household so won’t ever pretend I do, but I do know that most staff who has ever worked in this kind of environment often feel terrible for the children. There are many things money can’t fix or can’t make up for and there are many toxic dynamics that stems from wealth and fame that people who have never lived with or close to absolutely can’t grasp nor understand. Calling someone names because they share a story about their lives that you are not privy to, as if they have personally offended you acting as if the other party (you also don’t know) needs defending is bizarre.

So AIBU to question why people do that? Like why do they feel so involved in a strangers life that some genuinely feel entitled (or informed enough, and if so on what basis?) to deny people’s lived experiences or even worse, come up with their own alternative version of events (even though they have never met either party) to the point of feeling entitled to insult (or worse, remotely diagnose) those people in order to defend their stance?

The whole thing is just so bizarre to me because at the end of the day those people aren’t just entertainment, they are real people and there are real kids/young adults who genuinely suffer and suffered from the dynamics fame and money brought to their lives and what it took from them (in terms of childhood and in terms of relationship with their parents.)

I agree with you that having money does not mean you don’t deserve empathy for your problems and people are so much harder on rich people.

I think it stems from people believing (and in some essence it’s true) that money can solve all their problems and they’d be happy. Money can alleviate so much stress and you have more freedom, but many who have money don’t feel that way and feel far from happy.

I suppose when you’re the son of a famous footballer and popstar or the son of royalty it’s hard to have empathy when you can’t afford to do a food shop before pay day or can’t afford your gas bill.

People love soap opera and reality tv show. It's just another source of entertainment for bored people.

Either they feel superior because they make negative judgments (based on nothing else than their own jealousy) or they feel they become part of the celeb circle by acting like they are best friends.

Look at the way so many people gush over "Kate, the royals, the royal children". It's actually quite funny to read people going on and on about how it's "obvious that the children are raised in such a way, that Kate is obviously doing this and that"
when it couldn't be any less obvious, they show their face, smile, wave and get on with their actual life well away from the cameras. Even their holidays are barely ever mentioned in the local press, but yet people have a lot of opinion 😂

I agree with you, on the other hand money can solve stress related to bills, it can alleviate a lot of things but it doesn’t really alleviate or help anything emotional, it can’t give you health (though it can maybe help you maintain it longer), can’t protect you or your loved one from loss, can’t really buy you genuine friends or real love.

Money is a tool towards happiness or less stress but it isn’t really happiness.

In fact objectively people in the UK are incredibly lucky and rich compared to most of the world population (in the sense that most have a roof over their head, regular meals, access to healthcare and transportation as well as education) and yet even with that common knowledge I think most feel pretty hard done by and still focus on the things they do not have or struggle with, and that’s because in the end, money, housing, food, healthcare are all part of quality of life but how we feel about our lives has a lot more to do with mental health and how we feel/perceive our own lives and situations.

If you have all the money in the world but you feel lonely or depressed, there isn’t much money can do about that. If you lose a parent or a child or have toxic parents no amount of money can make it easier on the heart, and so I find it sad that as humans we fail to forget that while money does separate us from others in terms of living conditions and purchase power, our need for human connections, healthy relationships and grief are worldwide experiences that don’t really get altered nor lessen because of money.

When I hold one of the babies at work, it’s just that, a baby and I have had the beautiful chance of working with babies from families of all backgrounds and religions and finances and what doesn’t change is how life begins. And yet it often makes me very sad to know that those babies that start off so similar will likely be treated very differently as they continue to grow, because the world has decided the level of empathy/love/kindness they deserve is based on something they cannot control: be it them being black, them being Jewish, them being a girl, them having money or them having a disability. Exactly because a lot of the world assumes things about them/random people and tend to reserve empathy for people they can either relate to or feel sorry for.

So I understand, yet I feel sad because kids who are born rich aren’t responsible for someone not being able to do their food shop, and that shouldn’t be what stops people from having empathy towards them when they face something emotionally challenging.