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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Think I’ve Been Deceived

28 replies

Clareretro1964 · 20/01/2026 00:31

I met a guy around 7 months ago - we’d both not long left relationships but we hit it off and have been together ever since. Outside of all this he really does appear to be perfect.
Anyway a month into dating and I got messages from his ex saying that they were still in love, he’d cut her off but had been messaging to say he still loved her and missed her. She wouldn’t provide proof to me of these messages.
Naturally I confronted him and he showed me a number of messages but couldn’t account for certain blanks. It became
apparent he’d been with his sister to see his ‘ex’ in a show about 2 weeks after we started dating and they had exchanged messages that night. Whilst the tone of was one of an ending relationship he did say things like ‘how I feel is love but you don’t feel the same, you’re not confident in us to announce us to your family/friends. Ending with I have to move on as all you’re offering me is eternal dating.

i was pretty devastated but as it was early days I could deal with it. Her behaviour got very erratic, threatening my car and his family until in early September we reported her to the police. She has bail conditions so we’ve not had further contact. I had to give a statement to the police who in not so
many words said it was apparent to them that their relationship wasn’t over fully until late August but without evidence I could see. I should say we’ve spent every day together so I know he wasn’t physically seeing her.
Again I found it hurtful but dealt with it.
Today I have found out through chance that after the apparent post show break up exchange he was liking social media posts she was featured in. He told me she was blocked and it’s coincidental however he has only liked posts she is in and even liked the same post across Facebook and Instagram. These posts were early July to mid August and show a clear pattern of behaviour. He says he can’t remember why he liked them but it must have been an accident but I don’t buy it. It seems in fact he stopped as we considered going to the police at which point he would be seen to be causing issues had he maintained contact. He makes a good point that if he wanted her back he could have easily gone back to her when she begged him multiple times. But I have a gut feeling I don’t have the full truth and don’t know I can continue to be in a relationship if I don’t have that.
AIBU to think he’s pulling the wool over my eyes.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 20/01/2026 00:38

Why on earth do you want this in your life? There must be other men put there do you think ypu deserve this? Yes this is a question people should be asking themselves more

JanuaryJasmine · 20/01/2026 00:41

I've got cheese older than your relationship.

at 7 months it's all suppised new. Loved up, fun, not this angst.

Do yourself a massive favour & move on.

SnowFrogJelly · 20/01/2026 00:43

YABU to be still involved in this situation. Move on

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 00:44

Get rid. He's still infatuated with her and has too much baggage. Yes, he's lying to you.

user1492757084 · 20/01/2026 00:45

Too much bother and drama.
This man is not free to court you.

He needs to be completely unattached and CHOOSE you before all others, create joyful times and be wanting a solid, faithful future (if that is the type of relationship you are expecting).

socialdilemmawhattodo · 20/01/2026 00:56

God what a waste of police time and fake drama. Just ridiculous. That costs the tax payer money. As a pp said I have cheese in my fridge older than your relationship.

Parsleyforme · 20/01/2026 01:14

we’ve spent every day together so I know he wasn’t physically seeing her

Every day for 7 months? Sounds very intense

patooties · 20/01/2026 01:14

I’ve said YABU because the whole thing sounds awful and a huge waste of time and emotion. It’s meant to be the fun bit now.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/01/2026 01:35

End it and ask yourself why you would still want to be with him. Until you can answer that question with “oh fuck that I deserve better” stay away from all men.

AnotherNameChange1234567 · 20/01/2026 01:38

He’s lying, throw this one back.

ScarletSwan · 20/01/2026 01:59

So while she was so unhinged about threatening your personal safety he was liking social media posts she was featured in. This suggests either a complete lack of decisiveness or a complete lack of any regard for your safety. You can do better - much better.

Catladywithoutacat · 20/01/2026 04:17

Omg all this stress let him go

Harassedmum123 · 20/01/2026 06:11

I can’t get over the absolute waste of police time. They don’t even attend burglaries. Please bin him off. He is lying to you and obsessed with his ex .

Redcandlescandal · 20/01/2026 06:16

Bin him. He’s not trustworthy.

IcyWintetDays · 20/01/2026 06:18

You only get this one life to live.

Catza · 20/01/2026 06:32

It doesn't matter what the whole truth is. What matters is that you are not long in a relationship and it is already full of drama, including police involvement. Why put yourself through it? Unless you are enjoying the thrill of it, of course.

Egglio · 20/01/2026 06:35

He might be pulling the wool over your eyes, but it's irrelevant because you are walking around with them shut.

Nothing good to be found in this relationship.

Cherrysoup · 20/01/2026 06:47

He’s loving having 2 women on the go. She sounds unstable sending you threats. Run.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 20/01/2026 07:07

You need to ask yourself why you are putting up with this

Proccy · 20/01/2026 07:16

Don't waste time with someone who only sees you as an option. If he was 100% into you he wouldn't be "liking" her social media. You deserve better

Anonanonanonagain · 20/01/2026 07:18

He is a red flag. She is a redder flag and you are a drama lover.

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/01/2026 07:52

OP, you’re the Other Woman. You’re shagging somebody else’s boyfriend. You’ve got the police involved in all this waste-of-time ridiculous drama, and now it turns out that he’s been interacting with her on social media and frankly, without a doubt, messaging and meeting with her as well. And you’re just beginning to wonder if this shit show might not be your happy ever after? Just end it, nobody cares for or loves anyone here, you’re all just thriving on the emotional rollercoaster.

Wapentake · 20/01/2026 07:55

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/01/2026 01:35

End it and ask yourself why you would still want to be with him. Until you can answer that question with “oh fuck that I deserve better” stay away from all men.

And this should be a sticky on all Relationships threads.

ThatZippyFinch · 20/01/2026 07:57

Anyway a month into dating and I got messages from his ex saying that they were still in love,

4 weeks in… and already drama!

ThatZippyFinch · 20/01/2026 07:58

From almost the very very start, there’s been drama, sketchiness and shady behaviour.

Rather than walking away…. You seem to have jumped in head first.

Any kids involved?

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