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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Think I’ve Been Deceived

28 replies

Clareretro1964 · 20/01/2026 00:31

I met a guy around 7 months ago - we’d both not long left relationships but we hit it off and have been together ever since. Outside of all this he really does appear to be perfect.
Anyway a month into dating and I got messages from his ex saying that they were still in love, he’d cut her off but had been messaging to say he still loved her and missed her. She wouldn’t provide proof to me of these messages.
Naturally I confronted him and he showed me a number of messages but couldn’t account for certain blanks. It became
apparent he’d been with his sister to see his ‘ex’ in a show about 2 weeks after we started dating and they had exchanged messages that night. Whilst the tone of was one of an ending relationship he did say things like ‘how I feel is love but you don’t feel the same, you’re not confident in us to announce us to your family/friends. Ending with I have to move on as all you’re offering me is eternal dating.

i was pretty devastated but as it was early days I could deal with it. Her behaviour got very erratic, threatening my car and his family until in early September we reported her to the police. She has bail conditions so we’ve not had further contact. I had to give a statement to the police who in not so
many words said it was apparent to them that their relationship wasn’t over fully until late August but without evidence I could see. I should say we’ve spent every day together so I know he wasn’t physically seeing her.
Again I found it hurtful but dealt with it.
Today I have found out through chance that after the apparent post show break up exchange he was liking social media posts she was featured in. He told me she was blocked and it’s coincidental however he has only liked posts she is in and even liked the same post across Facebook and Instagram. These posts were early July to mid August and show a clear pattern of behaviour. He says he can’t remember why he liked them but it must have been an accident but I don’t buy it. It seems in fact he stopped as we considered going to the police at which point he would be seen to be causing issues had he maintained contact. He makes a good point that if he wanted her back he could have easily gone back to her when she begged him multiple times. But I have a gut feeling I don’t have the full truth and don’t know I can continue to be in a relationship if I don’t have that.
AIBU to think he’s pulling the wool over my eyes.

OP posts:
silverringpoles · 20/01/2026 08:07

If you’d been with him for several years and had built a life together, I could vaguely see why your heart and brain would want to fight for this but honestly, just 4 weeks into the relationship you started receiving messages from his ex and from then on it’s been threats, police, doubts, lies and uncertainty.
What’s in this relationship for you? It sounds chaotic, sad and full of uncertainty. No man can be so special that he’s worth that much drama so early on.

I was once in a relationship but the lies and drama started two months in. I had a starry eyed devotion to him (we were friends before we dated) and I dismissed all the ‘little things’ and ended up wasting 3 years of my life on him. Don’t do what I did!

chunkyBoo · 20/01/2026 08:07

Walk away and do t look back, he’s not worth this shit

ThatZippyFinch · 20/01/2026 11:44

chunkyBoo · 20/01/2026 08:07

Walk away and do t look back, he’s not worth this shit

Let’s be honest… highly unlikely unfortunately

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