To expect friends to be more considerate?

[PinkFlamingo25]

Mum to 3 month old. We have been v clear with friends and family that if we have visitors, it is on the basis that no one is sick. We were invited round to friend‘s house on Xmas day, when we got there, friend’s DM was clearly ill with a cold - tissues in hand, sniffly, sneezing etc. Someone asked if she was sick and initially she said something about onions making her sneeze, and then the second time, said yes, it’s suddenly come on and she must have caught from her granddaughter (friend’s DD) who had the sniffles. If we had been given a heads up, I wouldn’t have taken my own DS there. DS ended up with a cold a few days later, thankfully not horrendous but snotty and congested for 2 weeks. Relatively certain he caught it there as we hadn’t been anywhere/out of the house around Xmas. Yesterday friends asked if they could visit to see baby. They arrive and mentions their DD has had a temperature and that she’s probably teething. This morning, get a message saying she’s come out in spots overnight and suspected chickenpox, later confirmed by GP. AIBU to be annoyed that my DS has been exposed to chickenpox? Given they know our stance of sickness, should they have given us a heads up that DS may be under the weather, and given us the choice as to whether it was ok that they still came around?

This kind of approach is going to isolate you. People get sick. Work on your anxiety and try to enjoy community and be grateful for it.

They thought the fever was due to teething, it’s not inconsiderate to not be able to predict the future.

@BlackCoffeeAndSugar

"desperate to bubble with glee"

Ooh you tell 'em! That'll put everyone in their place. What a stinger. I bet those desperate posters feel really small now 🙄

Teething and temperatures is pretty normal not sure how they could of known.

It’s hard, you want to protect your baby, completely understandable.

What specifically are you worried about? As most babies catch colds, get chest infections, have chickenpox etc…. The majority of parents accept this as a part of parenting.

It’s kind of unavoidable unless you plan to not attend playgroups, join baby classes, go swimming, eat at cafes and restaurants.

Do you think you have a bit of health anxiety?

Does he have issues with his immune system or something?

My own DD is 7 months and caught a virus off her brother at 3 weeks old and ended up in hospital for a few days with a fever (hospitalised out of precaution because of her age). I get not wanting your baby exposed to illness, I don’t particularly want a sick person around my baby. However, I think you’re being slightly over cautious. You can’t vet everyone you come into contact with. Some people genuinely aren’t going to know they’re sick and exposing it to your baby until it’s too late. At 3 months he’s not a newborn anymore so I think less extreme caution is needed- not that I’m saying you should expose him to chicken pox though!!

No health anxiety, I had IUGR and baby was born weighing on 2.5th percentile so with all the winter viruses going around, being cautious as don’t want baby to get really poorly while still physically small and very young. Have baby signed up to a baby massage class next month and planning on being out more once his 12 week jabs have kicked in

That seems a valid decision.

People are so strange about illnesses in the UK. Just cos a baby will need to get a cold eventually doesn't mean they need one now.

I'll bet those people haven't seen little ones in hospital getting tubes down them for colds or rsv.

Enjoy baby massage.

It's supremely entitled to be invited to a friend's house for Christmas Day and to have expected her to ask her own mother to stay away with a cold! The best you could expect is the friend might have thought to tell you to give you the option not to go, but it sounds like she didn't know, and even the DM might have felt better in the morning then the onions set her off again. I wouldn't have given this a second thought when DDs were tiny. I can understand your concern given your DD's start in life but if you were so bothered you could have gone home again.

How nice to be invited out for Christmas Day and be looked after, and by someone who is not a relative.

The chickenpox is more of a concern, but they didn't know it was that and at least they told you.

Definitely a first baby 😂i used to be like this - i laugh about it now!

Their mother lives with them. I didn’t suggest they were invited and shouldn’t have been?? But as you say, would have been nice to have been given a heads up!

I think some posters are being a little harsh and also are a bit uninformed medically.
When babies are so little and haven't had all their vaccines they are much more vulnerable. Babies in the first year and particularly prior to 4 month vaccines are much more at risk of becoming seriously ill from viruses and advice is to be more cautious.
It is hard to avoid colds but I and many of my friends would always let a parent of a newborn know if there was anyone with a particularly bad cold or cough and definitely a temperature or any sickness.
A fever in a baby can be dangerous but also in a baby under 3 months the protocol is to perform lumbar puncture and IV antibiotics immediately so even if it's not serious I wouldn't want to put a baby through that.
Yes they will be exposed to lots of germs later on but they have built up immunity and are stronger by then.
No one is expecting the world to stop turning but it's very easy to say "just to let you know DD has a temperature so if you want to reschedule meeting up that's fine". Advice is to stay home with a fever or tummy bug but so many don't follow this.

This. The world doesn’t stop because you’ve had a baby.
I think you need additional support - keeping a baby in the house for weeks at a time isn’t healthy

Reading these comments I must be in the minority, I wouldn’t dream of having people over or going to someone’s home if I had a cold. Yes children get exposed to illness but that’s through unintentional exposures to people out and about who don’t know they’re poorly etc, not through close intentional contact with people who know they’re ill. Even without kids in the equation I don’t want to be made sick by someone who knows they’re poorly!

Baby hasn’t been in the house for weeks at a time? We go out for fresh air and walking coffees, etc. Just minimising risk by being outdoors more…

@PinkFlamingo25 PFB is ‘precious first born’, we’ve all been there.

@LemaxObsessive children much older than 3.5 don’t sleep through the night, seriously, and it’s bloody awful. If you see a parent with hollow eyes and spaced-out tetchy despair, cut them some slack. @Northerngirlabroad it gets better eventually!

The first universal chicken pox vaccine started in Canada in 2003. Britain just started in January 2026. Any idea why it took so long? And OP, children who got chicken pox can end up with shingles as an adult. You can't get shingles if you never had chicken pox so that is a good reason to vaccinate your child.
'No, you cannot get shingles if you've never had chickenpox, as shingles is a reactivation of the dormant chickenpox virus (Varicella-Zoster Virus, VZV)."

By the time chickenpox symptoms appear, they have already been at their most contagious in the lead up when they were symptomless so short of avoiding everyone, you can’t completely dodge it. When my daughter got them she was a bit tired the night before then came out in them the next day. Everyone we came in contact with the 2 days before would have been at risk (and we were on holiday!) but there was no way you would suspect chicken pox until they appeared. So I’d cut them some slack. Granny with her cold is annoying though!

Seriously 😬 we're getting somewhere now and he only wakes 1-2 times but yeah... I'm a zombie. And I won't be having any more babies 😅

Im on your side i cant stand it when people dont tell you they are unwell its not fair to spread germs especially babies.

I have had an awful day and you made me laugh so hard and so loudly everyone on my train is looking at me… 😀

This was my dd too. We’d done an eight hour drive the day before with a 2 & 4yo, we expected them to be tired, the 2 yo was also teething so slept badly. It was only when getting ready to board for our holiday I decided to tie her hair back and saw the first spot on the back of her neck. I could have quite easily missed it and would not have thought chicken pox as she’d been running around in the lead up to me tying her hair up.

You are right to be concerned and protective. I'm amazed at the casual attitude of most pps on here. Covid is still circulating and its ability to damage immunity at all levels is well known and understood in epidemiological circles.
It can cause long-standing damage at all levels of bodily function, including crossing the blood/brain barrier and affecting the frontal lobes.
But, alas, this is ignored at a Public Health, general medical and political level.

Why? Would be a good question. Houses of Parliament; Davos; all venues where globally important people meet, they all have enhanced air filtering.

Us? Not so much. When we know is should have been in all schools and hospitals three or four years ago (when the information was well understood in scientific circles).
Repeated Covid infections UNDERMINE & WEAKEN our immune systems and can exacerbate the severity of other viruses like 'flu and RSV. New findings indicate that the same cellular changes noted in Long Covid are implicated in the onset of Alzheimer's Disease.

Be very careful who coughs and sneezes over your little one. Get all the vaccines as soon as you are able. Try to avoid infection yourself. Don't be embarrassed to mask (FFP2 or FFP3) in crowded areas like buses, the Tube, HOSPITALS and DOCTORS' WAITING ROOMS, shopping centres, etc.
We all have to live with this, going forward.

That actually is literally how it works. Even vaccines are weakened versions of the viruses.

YANBU. If I’m ill I do my best not to pass it on and I expect others to do the same. Nothing to do with being overprotective, I don’t want to be ill and don’t want anyone in the household to be either. It’s a hassle.