To expect friends to be more considerate?

[PinkFlamingo25]

Mum to 3 month old. We have been v clear with friends and family that if we have visitors, it is on the basis that no one is sick. We were invited round to friend‘s house on Xmas day, when we got there, friend’s DM was clearly ill with a cold - tissues in hand, sniffly, sneezing etc. Someone asked if she was sick and initially she said something about onions making her sneeze, and then the second time, said yes, it’s suddenly come on and she must have caught from her granddaughter (friend’s DD) who had the sniffles. If we had been given a heads up, I wouldn’t have taken my own DS there. DS ended up with a cold a few days later, thankfully not horrendous but snotty and congested for 2 weeks. Relatively certain he caught it there as we hadn’t been anywhere/out of the house around Xmas. Yesterday friends asked if they could visit to see baby. They arrive and mentions their DD has had a temperature and that she’s probably teething. This morning, get a message saying she’s come out in spots overnight and suspected chickenpox, later confirmed by GP. AIBU to be annoyed that my DS has been exposed to chickenpox? Given they know our stance of sickness, should they have given us a heads up that DS may be under the weather, and given us the choice as to whether it was ok that they still came around?

There is no guidance anywhere reliable that says you need to be neurotic

Colds yabu, known fever yanbu.

They will be exposed to germs all. the.time.

Aren't they starting to vaccinate against chickenpox now? Or OP might have been planning to pay for the vaccination as it can be a nasty virus and I certainly wouldn't have wanted my child to have it at 3 months old.

There are lots of PFB comments on here and I get where people are coming from but your DC is still so little, I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's awful trying to comfort a sick baby who doesn't understand what's going on and can't blow their own nose. If it can be avoided then so much the better. My DS had just started to sleep for 7-8 hour stretches at 3 months old then he caught a cold from a family member and it messed with all of his routines and he has never slept through the night since, he's now 3.5 😬 could've been coincidence but I'll never know!! Once they're a bit older, illnesses are par for the course and necessary for their immune system.

A cold at 3 months is NOT why your child doesn’t sleep at 3.5 😂

Ahh it’s life unfortunately- no one has a ‘sure thing stance’ to having ill visitors. Wait till nursery/reception years - you’ll be sharing your germs back.

I've had 3 and my youngest is 18 and I'd be spitting feathers that people take the piss like that.

Thankfully I'm not surrounded by selfish fuckers who think it's ok not to give me a heads up if they have illness in the house.

No you can't avoid illness day to day, out and about. But you can if someone says someone in their household is sick.

Drives me mad that people think it's ok to expose others to illness without consent.

Are you going to be sending DS to nursery or childminder?! As this is nothing compared to the endless viruses he’s going to come home with. Best to really help build his immunity to be honest.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to feel that way especially as he is so little and your first baby. My son ended up with RSV at 5 months due to someone not giving us the heads up and he ended up in hospital, thankfully OK but really miserable.

Now I’m pregnant with my second I know I’ll probably be a bit more lax, what can I do with a toddler in nursery who gets unwell what feels like 3 times a month?

My son’s 2.5 now and I still tell others with kids if he’s got the sniffles or a cold just to give a quick heads up.

It's obviously not a good idea to visit a young baby if you've got a temperature. But try not to worry, my 2 and 4 year old both came down with chicken pox the day after I brought their new baby brother home. I rang the Doctor and he asked if I was fully breastfeeding and when I said yes, he said baby will be protected with your antibodies and he was right. Baby didn't get chicken pox! And it's a pretty mild illness for most children, mine weren't really ill with it.

I would expect someone to give a heads up about a vomiting bug but colds are everywhere. You are going to end up with extremely limited social contact if you want to eliminate colds. Parents made a reasonable assumption that temp was caused by teething rather than chicken pox yes its annoying but they didn't hide it. You could take your baby to a group next week and they could be in contact with cold/chicken pox from a baby not yet showing symptoms either

What does PFB stand for? It’s more the coming round when they knew their LO had a temperature and was under the weather when they know we have said not to visit if there are any signs of illness…

He’s 3.5 and still not sleeping through the night, seriously????

They visited OUR house with their DS who they knew had a temperature…

Except it’s very unlikely they would if we choose to vaccinate our LO against chickenpox before they start nursery, which we probably will. Anyhow I accept they will be exposed to and catch loads of bugs and illnesses when they start nursery but

1. they will be much older
2. we are choosing to accept the risk, our friends didn’t give us a choice by not giving us a heads up

Yanbu. People are desperate to bubble with glee about giving babies germs aka "building their immune system " which isn't how it works anyway.

Of course they will get colds etc eventually but do they really need to at 3 months old?!

Maybe the ones who are desperate to infect them can form a volunteer rota to look after them when they are screaming and snotty at 3am

I’ll be much happier taking LO out once they’ve had their 12 week jabs - I’m not planning on avoiding going out etc, but I’d rather they were a bit older and better protected before they were exposed to anything nasty like chickenpox…

If parents didn’t go anywhere when a child has a slight raised temperature, grisly, out of sorts they would never go anywhere. These are so common with children, my DCs must have had a 1000 or so temperatures in the early years. Any exposure to new people, new environments can result in exposure to germs & bugs at any time. Children need these exposures to build their immune systems. Granted chicken pox at 3 months won’t be pleasant but the parents would not have know their child had chicken pox’s or necessarily anything other than they were teething going on.

I was going to say YABU as I thought it was going to be about the sniffles and they are everywhere all the time. But knowingly coming over with a child with a fever is stupid. I would be cross too.

Thank you for the reassurance, I’m hoping we manage to get through the next 3 weeks without it appearing!

what a ridiculous post.

It might be less manageable when you have older siblings catching germs at school (and spreading them) ,but there's no benefit whatsoever of giving germs to a 3 months old - expect making them poorly and badly sleeping, and adding to exhaustion of mothers already beyond tired.

Not everyone has babysitters on tap, and can rest at weekend, many mums haven't had a proper night sleep in months and the last thing they need is a poorly baby making everything even worst.

I’m with you OP. It’s bloody annoying. I don’t have small kids but it still irritates me if someone turns up full of cold. I don’t want to catch it either. If you are breastfeeding there’s a good chance baby will have some protection from chickenpox.

Sadly, you have years of dealing with stupid and selfish people - chickenpox around a pregnant woman is not great either but these people don't care.

Kids will be sent to groups, softplays and later school with anything and everything, including sick bug, because the parents got bored at home and decided to share the germs. It's horrible but sadly nothing you can do.

Thank you x

I know, unfortunately have all this to look forward to 🙄, but was hoping to avoid it right now while LO is so young!