To ask do a lot of bullied children then become bullies or is this a rumour

[Vibted7777]

I’ve heard it a lot

I was bullied horrendously at school and I never became a bully. Casting my mind back to other children who I know were also bullied, none of them as far as I know became bullies.

Not in my experience.

Some might, of course, but it's not a given.

Some can, but I don't think many or most do. The bullied child I know who became a bully, learned from his dad- his first bully- and bullied his mum and sister.

I was bullied by my dad and I’ve thought about this alot, and to be honest I think I spoke more harshly to those around me because of this. I wouldn’t say I was a bully at all, but I think I was probably at times more cutting to those around me more than the situation called for, not because I was trying to be horrible, but that was my normal if that makes sense? As soon as I knew better, I did better, but in my early teenage years I had a sharp tongue when angered.

I was bullied horrendously throughout my teen years at a crap comp, verbally, physically and pyschologically. It marred my entire teen years and also my adult life as it caused severe lack of confidence, low social skills, etc. But I can honestly say I've never bullied anyone else, neither at school nor in adult life. So, no, I don't think there's much truth in your assertion. Of course "some" bullied kids will be bullies themselves, but I'd say it's a tiny proportion. I suspect it's an excuse trotted out by bullies to try to justify their crap awful behaviour.

I don't know. I mean, I was bullied at school, so I knew what it was like, and I didn't want to inflict that on anyone else. In any case, by the time I left school, I rarely spoke to anyone outside of my family. My confidence was so low that I couldn't have scraped it off the floor, and that was before I had people spitting on me and trying to set my hair on fire, etc. By the time that happened, I'd stopped reporting anything, because nothing had changed. When I went to sixth form, I was surprised to find that I actually had friends.

However, my so-called dad came from a family were inter-generational abuse was "normal", and because I was a girl, that was inflicted on me. Needless to say, it was a huge relief to me when he died. I have, however, worried in the past that I would inflict it on my children, and I desperately don't want that to happen. I'd rather it came to an end wth my generation being the last to bear the brunt of it.

Looking back to 1980's, my school bullies were all kids with a bad home life - poverty, abuse, single parent struggling to cope with 6 kids or undiagnosed medical conditions like autism etc.

I never went on to bully anyone.

I think there are a lot of interactions where one person can feel they are bullied but the other one genuinely doesnt think they've bullied them. There will be lots of people posting here that they were bullied and none saying they were a bully.

Objectively, I can't think of any bullies I've seen as an adult watching children where the bully has an enviable life.

Insecure people can behave in unpleasant ways and is the root of a lot of bullying behaviour. Bullying can make someone more insecure, but that's as far as it goes. I think someone who has been bullied might be a lot more likely to join a pile on, relieved it's not them on the receiving end.

Nah, it’s nonsense. But adults who were bullies as children tend to be bullies as adults.

Agree. Jealous, mean people don’t change.

No. Bullies often come from bullies, not from people who were bullied.

My dd was bullied throughout primary and high school, she is the first one to step in if she see’s someone being mistreated. She’s the most caring person I know.

I think bullies are people who enjoy bullying. They generally weren't bullied themselves as children.

I've come to the conclusion that one in ten people are scumbags. That's a small minority but enough to make a big difference in how society functions.

My DSis was bullied and she is deeply unhappy and has bullied family members. It caused her lots of distress, she is NC with some family members and has had therapy. She bullies people she doesn’t know or have personal contact with with her body language and aggressive tendencies. I put it down to emotional immaturity which being bullied may have caused. Very sad!

I would say probably not but then if you turn it on its head, most bullies were probably bullied or abused or neglected. Some are probably just cunts though depends on the kind of bullying.

Depends on the kind of bullying.

Hurt people hurt people, that is true. But that tends to be the more needlessly aggressive type people who pick random fights.

In my experience, the nastiest, most sophisticated bullies (the ones who leave lasting damage on their victims) are people who have never been bullied, BUT have parents who encourage their children to do the same

Yes, I agree. It’s perfectly possible to experience someone as a bully without that person being aware of it.

And yes to not being able to think of a bully that has an enviable life. The child who bullied my son and several other children in their class in primary had a father who lived in another country, and a threatening mother with significant MH issues, and was known to social services. I dealt with it, in conjunction with other parents, and the son had a one on one staff member with him throughout the school day, and his mother was barred from school premises. My responsibility was to my own child, obviously, but it’s easy to see how the other child’s life is likely to go. He will almost certainly be in juvenile detention before he turns sixteen.

The main bully in my class at school had, even by the standards of my rough, deprived school, a miserable home life. I know she did a few stints in prison after we left school, and she died in her forties.

I think if you experience bullying as part of your formative social experiences you can absorb it as sort of "normal" and assume it is part of how the world/social interaction works, and following that logic through - if the whole world did work on a basis of bullying, then the only way to get ahead would be to be the bully, rather than the victim. So I think it does sometimes happen as a sort of defense mechanism, if that makes sense, and particularly if a child doesn't have many skills in other social areas, so doesn't know how to make friends or interact with people or avoid being a victim in other ways, then they might default to bullying as something that they know "works" whether that means that people leave them alone because someone else has become the target, or are seen as someone not to be messed with, or whether they gain power/control/status over other children.

Not all bullied children become bullies, but IME when a child keeps using a dysfunctional or antisocial approach it's often because they lack realistic alternatives, or believe that they do because of their experiences to date.

There does seem to be a small number of people who seek power for the pure pleasure of it, and such people often seem to have been that way since they were very young, but most of the time children seeming to seek power and control are doing this as a sort of defensive thing because their experience has taught them that unless they assert their power in this way, they will have none at all. They don't have the positive experience of an environment where autonomy, equality and safety are ensured without that power struggle.

I think this is crap.

Who is saying it?

Just because a bully is more likely to have been bullied themselves doesn’t mean anyone who has been bullied is likely to become a bully.

Just like statistics prove that sexual abusers are more likely to have been sex abuse victims themselves in the past, doesn’t mean that all child sex abuse victims go on to become abusers themselves.

No. I was bullied into feeling suicidal at secondary school. School did fuck all. Parents were amazing and supported me to sort it out myself and helped me find new friends.

I now can't STAND bullies or bullying and I will always call it out if I see or hear it.

I'm going to be really honest - I bullied a girl in my year and was unkind to her for a year - it was mindless and horrible. Used to call her Helmet head about her hair cut and would laugh as we walked down the corridor at her. There was nothing physical and I guess it was low level but totally undeserved and abhorrent behaviour.

I think it started when I tried to copy her homework and she wouldn't let me. I am deeply ashamed and still think of her now - 30 years on - I've looked for her on Facebook and been to reunion events in the hope of being able to apologise. I lived with an abusive and narcissistic mother who would throw herself down the stairs and threaten to kill berself. I had an extremely difficult and emotionally demanding childhood where my mother with held affection and love from me. I'm not saying this for sympathy or to mitigate behaviour but it's the answer to the question asked. If anything it's made me more of an empathic adult - I champion the under dog at work and always try to be kind and thoughtful to others.

Agree with this...you do get the bullies who are isolated and lash out due to their own experience. But then you also get the mean manipulative bullies who just enjoy being that way.

My son was the sweetest, kindest young boy but years of bullying in secondary school took that sweet edge away. He’s now a lot more defensive and much quicker to put people down. It makes me so sad but I can see how he has developed it as a defence mechanism. It can sound like a cop out when people use that phrase but I have seen it in action in my son’s case and I’m absolutely heartbroken about it, especially as lots of the bullies have now grown out of their behaviours but my son is left with lasting damage.

I was bullied horribly at school and also had a miserable home life with a nasty drunk for a father.

I've never bullied anyone.

This is absolute rubbish. Bullying is not a feeling. Bullies know exactly what they are doing.