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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help me understand DH

55 replies

Advicew · 19/01/2026 11:28

He doesn’t like anyone coming over to the house so I don’t invite people over. My adult niece moved 20 minutes from us so on the weekend I met up with her outside of the house and took my children with me. I asked DH if he wanted to come and he replied really sulkily “why would I? I don’t want to see her”. There’s no backstory or any drama with my family, been married 16 years and she’s 22 do he’s known her since she was very young.

I came back from the outing to be met with him being drunk. He went to sleep as soon as we arrived which was 8pm! He never sleeps that early. When I went to the room and asked if he was body he told me to go fuck myself. Next day was Sunday and he left the house really early without telling me where’s he’s going. He gets bank again really drunk. He’s telling me to leave his house and I’m up my family ass! My son was crying as last weekend we visited DH’s aunty (I happily went and had a good time and no dramas like he does) but DS aged 7 left his watch in the Aunts house.dh was supposed to get the watch on Sunday but obviously didn’t. Ds was really upset going up school with a another week of no watch

sorry for any typos I’m in work so quickly typing

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 19/01/2026 18:25

Get evidence of his drunk behaviour, secretly. Gather evidence that you are the main carer for the kids- courts can agree that continuity is better for the kids especially in high conflict, and I'm sorry to say it so bluntly- but emotional and financial abuse situations like yours.
Get evidence of all financial stuff- mortgage, accounts, savings, debt, pensions. Everything.
Store all this, passports, birth certificates, etc and an emergency overnight bag for you and the kids at a safe person's house- who can you trust?
Squirrel away money. Any £10, change, anything!
See a solicitor, secretly. Take everything with you, knowledge is power!
Google the biggest family law firm in your area, they will likely have legal aid which you might be eligible for.
It's a lot. The divorce/settlement group on here are amazing too. On instagram follow LegallyNik, the ugly truth of divorce, family court corner- really helped me!
If he becomes violent in anyway- call the police. Donthe, get it on record!
You can do this!

SpringsOnTheWay · 19/01/2026 21:01

Has he escalated his behaviour since you moved?

Jeska7 · 19/01/2026 21:10

Advicew · 19/01/2026 13:49

no not new behaviour he’s always been like this. Even when people came to see our eldest as a baby he was fine if it was his family but mine he would slam the doors and be really rude. I feel like for past 10 years (eldest is 10) I’ve been living on autopilot and just getting through day by day. I work long hours too so I’m exhausted to think about him when I get home. I feel I don’t want this life anymore and I do deserve better I think.

the house is only in his name and he pays the mortgage and all the bills. If he was to leave the house I wouldn’t be able to afford it as he’s a high earner but I’m on a very low wage.

I know this sounds weird but what clicked for me yesterday was when out of spite he looked at me and said “ughh you’re so ugly and have saggy tits”. I know I don’t! I do feel ugly as I’ve stopped taking care of myself. But I know I shouldn’t be spoken to like this

No wonder that was the final straw. What an absolute awful thing for him to say to you. Your life with him sounds horrible. It’s the best situation that he pays the mortgage and bills, but you’re married so should have some stake in the property. Perhaps you should be seeking some legal advice. He’s definitely not a good role model for your son.

Jeska7 · 19/01/2026 21:16

Meant to say “It’s NOT the best situation that he pays…”!

ElizaMulvil · 19/01/2026 21:45

To find the best solicitors - go to

  1. Legal 500 site . Search - Family, divorce and financial remedy. It will come up with the firms and solicitors ranked according to experience/recommendations by other lawyers.
2.Chambers and Partners. Ditto.

Both allow you to search by area so London, North West ,East Anglia etc. You will be able to find a firm and their recommended specialists in your area.

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