Husband wants another child.

[Isit2026yet]

DH and I are early 40s. DD is early 20s. He's suggested we think about having a baby now. It’s a no from me but he thinks I'm being unreasonable by just saying no and not discussing it.

oh my word, back to nappies now? how hideous that would be.

No no no NO

Has he thought about getting a dog?

Why now?!

You could probably allow him to think you’re willing to try - leaving it up to fate - but avoid your most fertile days, although appreciate that’s a bit underhand

Joining in the no way chorus.

I had DD at 41. At 67 I am still supporting her through higher education after she took a couple of years out to work, then is now doing a masters.

I am still working as I am guarantor for her rent.

Oh god it would be my worst nightmare.

Tell him you are happy to talk through why it’s a hard no from you but discussion won’t change your mind. Tell you are happy to listen about what’s missing in life that is making him think a baby is a solution.

Beyond that what can you say other than “sorry if you are disappointed but I won’t be putting myself through another pregnancy at my age”

Contrary to many other posters, I don’t see why you can’t discuss it. He can say why he wants another, you can lay out in very certain terms why you don’t want one. It’s not fair not to discuss it at all and to just shut down the conversation. Let him say his piece and you can say yours. Ultimately you have the final say because (1) you’re the woman, and (2) the person who says no should always “win”, so it makes no difference to you either way. However, if you shut this down without a conversation then you may miss the opportunity to address and deal with something extremely important to your DH. He’s younger than you, reproductively, if you completely push him away then he may go and make a baby with someone else.

It’s reasonable to discuss it as in explaining your position and let him explain his. Wanting another child and not being able to have one will be hard for him to process and come to terms with so you can support him through that by letting him talk. Just be clear that’s what you are doing and you do not wish to be persuaded.

if he didn’t pull his weight the first time around and it all fell to you then I feel you owe him less emotional support with his feeling tho

What the hell? This is weird advice. She doesn't want a baby, the end.

No.

How is the state of your marriage incidentally as this is the kind of thing that is proposed by an insecure partner of either sex.

Also, have you recently spread your wings socially, got back to more meaningful work, been in the house less and or got a fascinating hobby?

People do not usually leave such a large gap. Say no. But wonder as to why now, and his motive.

This would be my response!

No way. I had second one when I was 37 and was wishing we had her earlier. Menopause and teenagers are not a good mix.

Whats his plan for the childcare? Will he be doing it?

I'd hear him out. Ask him how he thinks it's going to work. Who will be taking the time off, going part time, doing the bulk of the child care, eventually school runs etc.

Then when he admits it'll be you, you get to laugh in his face and tell him no chance

I think it's unreasonable not to discuss important things after 20+ years of marriage - he should be allowed to feel heard and you should feel you have had the chance to explain the 'absolutely not!'. I'm not saying there's any reason why you should say yes, or even consider it, but I think you should let the discussion happen.

Why not eighteen years ago? I suspect he wants to stop you enjoying your freedom etc.

Probably likely to get pregnant that way.

Chances are fairly low in early 40s

Not zero though.

Why? Why in god's name would he want a baby at this stage in life? Has a colleague at work just had a baby or has he had a bump to the head? Your only child is an adult and your life is just about to open up. Sleepless nights and all the rigmarole involved with a baby is so much harder at your ages. To say nothing of the fact that you'll be in your 60's by the time they're 20. I'm 69 and perish the very thought of it. Besides, there are health complications (yours, not his) to seriously think about. He's not the one pushing another human out of his body is he and he probably won't be the one doing majority childcare!

He’s forgotten how difficult babies and toddlers are! It would be a hard NO from me!

Absolutely not!

Ridiculous advice! I have two mid 40 friends who have both fallen pregnant in the last year.

I assume they were actively trying? It’s not that far fetched, it’s possible to avoid pregnancy if you don’t have sex in your fertile period.