To go to a funeral for someone I’ve never met?

[LemonBelly]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years lost his uncle just before Christmas. He lives about 3 hours north so my partner doesn’t see him much, I was meant to meet him for the first time at my boyfriends mums 50th next month which obviously sadly won’t happen now.

His funeral is coming up and my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go with him. His mum and sisters will be there but it’s a 2 hour drive each way that he will do on his own. Nobody ever wants to go to a funeral but I want to be there for him, but I feel weird that I’m going to a funeral for someone I’ve never met. Is that weird? Will other family members think it’s weird? I’ve met his immediately family and his auntie and her family multiple times so I’m not a stranger to them

Not weird at all. A funeral is for the living to say their goodbyes, you are going to support your boyfriend. No one will think it odd.

Not unusual at all. Funerals are for the living and you are supporting your boyfriend and his family.
I have been to many funerals and removals where I didn't know the deceased.

I think its perfectly normal to go along to support him. When my mother died unexpectedly a few of my friends who had never met her came along to show support and help wrangle our youngest who was 4 at the time as there was no other family available to help.

It’s not weird. It’s being supportive.

Are his family aware and are they okay with you going? If so, just go.

You’re there to support the family. It’s not weird at all if he has asked you to join him. You may want to quietly suggest he checks with his mum that the immediate family will be ok with it.

I wonder if people are choosing different voting options but meaning the same.

I think it is completely normal to support your boyfriend at a funeral, regardless of if you knew the person. Plus he wants you there.

No, it’s not weird at all. You’re there to support your partner.

Absolutely fine. Your boyfriend will welcome your support particularly on the long drive up as that can feel quite lonely and sad on the way/to from a funeral on your own as at the service/wake you are surrounded by people

Your going for your partner, it would be more weird if you didn't go.

Not weird at all, I've been to several funerals for people I didn't know, or didn't know well because I wanted to provide support to the living person that was the connection. Several parents of friends last year sadly, but I only knew one of them myself properly.
I would say go, and if anyone asks at the wake how you knew the deceased you can say 'through X, Y, Z' or 'I'm X's partner'.

Nothing strange about it at all. Its a good thing to go to funerals. Im not sure why people get funny about it.

Are you quite young OP? I only ask because it sounds like you haven’t been to many funerals…if you had, you’d know that it’s absolutely fine and normal for people to go as support for someone else. Don’t be worried about this…your boyfriend will appreciate you being there ❤️

Of course not weird if your bf wants you there.

I've been to many funerals of people I've never met in the same role. Then again I'm Irish and we're funeral fanatics. Would be frowned upon not to go to the funeral of anyone remotely connected to you.

It's a good opportunity to hear about his life story.

It’s not odd. When a colleague died, some of her daughter’s team mates came to the funeral to show support. I thought that was really nice.

Going with him to support him is good, also whilst it’s a sad reason to be gathering, it’s a time to get to know his family and you might be a welcome distraction. I organise funerals and the uplifting ones that the families tell me after were “good” often had young children, family from overseas or long list cousins and people get to reminisce, talk but also look to the future. Most memorable they asked if we could baptise the 2 month old great great grandson, a real circle of life moment and yes we played it on the organ!

I went to dhs cousins funeral when we were first together, he wants your support.

I would be the same @LemonBelly and I probably wouldn't go. For it to have been 2.5 years, without a suggestion until now of meeting the chap, doesn't suggest a particular closeness.

I'm probably in the minority when it comes to funerals though. I think they can be quite hypocritical affairs.

Another here who thinks it’s not weird. You would be going to support your BF.

DH came to the funerals of my dad and my uncle, both of whom he’d never met, but he came to them to support me

Perfectly normal. Funerals are to support the living as well as remembering the dead.

My boyfriend sees him every Christmas but I’ve spent actual Christmas Day with my family the last couple of years, and seen his immediate family a few days before or after when his uncle hasn’t been there. So my boyfriend is as close as I’d expect to him considering they live 3 hours apart.

thanks for everyone’s replies, I think you’re right that it’s a good opportunity to hear about his life and about the family life as a whole. I like to think that his uncle would be grateful I am there to support his nephew as funerals can be tough and I know this will be an emotional one as it was unexpected and he was fairly young

Its fine. As a military mum during the Afghan deployments I attended a couple of funerals locally of soldiers. Many did, to show their respects and the families always thanked those who cared enough to pay respects, even though they didnt know them x

Support your boyfriend and go.

I wasn’t totally clear on the voting options - I put YABU, and meant it was unreasonable to think going to the funeral was weird. It’s totally reasonable to go to support your boyfriend.