AIBU to take my kids to church even though I’m atheist

[Iheartguacamole]

My kids are both preschool. On a Wednesday I take them to a church toddler group - everyone seems very welcoming and friendly. Dp is working today and I’m struggling to find low cost things to do with them. Looked at my local church and they do a family friendly service on a Sunday. AIBU to take the kids there just to get out of the house and go somewhere? I don’t believe in god but I have no problem with my kids being exposed to Christianity. I’m just wondering if it’s a bit…off considering I’m not a believer?

Yes, I agree. A lot of the different religious buildings where I live hold events open to everyone and it’s so welcoming. I think it’s important to give children exposure to how others think and believe.

I agree. I think belief in God is almost not really as important as the other things people get from going to church- a sense of community, somewhere to go, cultural reasons etc. @Notmycircusnotmyotter do you take Communion at the C of E? I like to go to Midnight mass at my local C of E so we can walk home, and its lovely in there but I felt a bit bad going to communion. I asked an usher and he didnt know!

My friend goes to a church on a Sunday but the kids all go in a separate room…. So might not be a good idea if you wanted to spend time with them! And then you’ll have to listen to the service.

If you want your children to make informed decisions about faith when they’re old enough, I wouldnmt do this.

I volunteered at Sunday School to avoid the sermon 😂 I wasn't a leader, so didn't do any teaching/ promoting any beliefs, just (very welcome) crowd control and dogs-bodying.

Yes. It’s hypocritical. As someone who is atheist and despises religion, it’s something I would never ever do

On the other hand, there was a very stressful few months when I 'helped' take the children to the Sunday school room, then left and spent a very welcome hour or so in the local coffee shop.

As far as anyone else knew I was either helping in Sunday School or had returned to listen attentively to the sermon... it was a life saver at the time.

I couldn't have done this as an atheist as I feel the expectation is that you do believe in God and hear the readings or sermon in that way. It would have been hard to tell my children when asked that to me they were just stories and praying would have felt very odd. I get the need for community however. I wonder if you have Sunday Assembly running in your area as this is a secular version of a gathering with speakers and biscuits.

If you live in a culturally Christian country it makes sense to expose your children to Christianity as it will help their understanding of history, literature, art, music etc. Our institutions and ethics are underpinned by Christian values. You do not have to believe in them.

Other advantages of church attendance are preferential access to faith schools - which can be better in many areas. And as others have pointed out, free or subsidised access to activities and in naice areas high quality cake!

As for the child abuse aspect, the powerful will prey on the weak in whatever setting they can. Churches seem to be getting their act together on safeguarding now. The key is to make sure you take responsibility for your childrens safety and that you are aware of where the threats come from: My biggest concerns are sleepovers at friends houses, peer groups and online.

I talk about Christian myths the same way I talk about Greek and Roman ones. But for that reason I wouldn’t take my children to a church to mix with people that do believe in them (unless it’s a specific event aimed at people outside the faith) out of respect.
I would take my children to a Sunday Assembly rather than taking them to church if I wanted that kind of thing.

That's your expectation of church goers.

It would be the expectation in some denominations. My experience of the CofE is that everyone is welcome, in most parishes.

As the established church it has a broader role than just ministering to the committed believer. It runs youth groups, food banks, visiting the elderly, and a range of other social support programmes to their local community, not only to those who believe and/ go to church.

Those who want to get married in a church are usually welcomed, for example, there would probably be a discussion about their reason for wanting a church wedding, but any reason that has an element of it being more meaningful would be accepted.

I’m not really religious, but I tell my children God is real if they ask. They like some of the stories and are interested in going to church, even though the topic comes up very rarely. Plan on starting soon.

I want my children to grow up CofE. I think it’s welcoming and accepting. It offers community, which you don’t realise you want/need… until you do.

They’re free to change or reject this, but for most brits, you’re not going to convert to a random religion like Jainism, Islam, Judaism or Sikhism unless you grew up with it anyway. The choice is Christianity or nothing. I prefer Christianity.

Churches are more than sites for religious practice, they are communities. Our church makes very clear that all are welcome.

Our kids went to the church school (I'm Christian, my husband is openly an atheist) so we went to a lot of the family friendly church services, messy church etc. The vicar used to tease my husband "you come to church an awful lot for an atheist" and they'd have a laugh about it.

We are a Christian/atheist household too. My in laws have 6 gc, all baptised into various Christan denominations (despite bringing all their children up as atheists DH is still very atheist but both dd's have become Christian, one evangelical) They refused to attend any of the baptisms. MIL's Jewish relatives cheerfully turned up to all of them in their place!

Our local church welcomes everyone. They hold events for children in the holidays and want to help low income families.

You understand that they will be taught the Bible and things about God and Jesus, so if you are ok with that, then take them along.

I went to Sunday School and church every week when I was growing up. I don't know what I believe in now, but I have great memories of learning all the bible stories, and of the social events etc.

That was very nice for you :)

This!

I am atheist but my children moved to a Catholic school - we didn’t pick it as first choice but ended up there after we had to leave the first school. I was clear that I didn’t have any faith left but I placed value on their ethos and it was a great fit. I appreciated the children being shown Christianity and while non are believers it was a better grounding in ethics than the non faith school delivered. Any good Christian environment would be super welcoming

It's fine.

I'm as atheist as they come, and took both my children to a variety of church playgroups over the years. They had varying levels of "churchy-ness" but I wasn't bothered. When they were toddler age they'd do various Christianity-themed crafts to match whatever the church season was.

Fast forward, and both go to a C of E primary school. I did as well, and have only fond memories of the hymns in assembly, the weekly visit from the local vicar and the half-termly walk down the street to the local church. Obviously religion didn't stick for me, but I have zero issue with my kids being exposed to it.

Its not weird. My friend's methodist church does a fab messy church and loads of great community stuff. I joined in all the fun things when my children were younger. Trips away and meals and fairs, concerts and children's activities. I occasionally went to a service even though I was agnostic, later returning to Catholicism. Nowadays I don't go but you've reminded me I should bob in to a service and say hello to all those lovely people afterwards.

Would you like to explain the subtext? Did you mean to sound sneery?

I had 2 recently placed adopted DDs, was facing redundancy (single parent so no other income) and it was the one hour a week I could just stare into space with no responsibilities.

As we got to know other parents I found a very supportive community.

So yes, it was 'nice' for me. Rather more than 'nice', it kept me going.

And no one ever asked about my beliefs, they just rallied round to help in small, practical ways, just as I have done before and since to people i know when I have had the mental energy.

I'm agnostic but I still love the words of the Anglican liturgy and the music. I am looking forward to joining the congregation of one of the beautiful ancient cathedrals in any of the two or three towns/cities to which we are considering moving for our retirement years. Finding a pleasant community is all part of the master plan.

I agree that it might be hypocritical for you to do it, but why for OP? She is a non-believer who isn't opposed to church involvement, going somewhere that doesn't require belief or membership as a condition of attendance.

Our local church has a huge soft play that they open on Sundays. I've never taken my kids because the session ends with prayers and religious songs and that is not for me, but they would happily welcome anyone. I'm sure most churches are the same - the more the merrier!

Well you don't have to go on the record being an atheist. You can join people from your community, who are at the church. I don't think it makes you a hypocrite or anything. Just enjoy.