AIBU to take my kids to church even though I’m atheist

[Iheartguacamole]

My kids are both preschool. On a Wednesday I take them to a church toddler group - everyone seems very welcoming and friendly. Dp is working today and I’m struggling to find low cost things to do with them. Looked at my local church and they do a family friendly service on a Sunday. AIBU to take the kids there just to get out of the house and go somewhere? I don’t believe in god but I have no problem with my kids being exposed to Christianity. I’m just wondering if it’s a bit…off considering I’m not a believer?

I think it’s lovely to expose them to different religions, look up other religions too for other dates / holidays and what’s on offer. Mine have had Diwali parties with their friends, we celebrate Christmas, friends who are Muslim etc. I think it’s a nice way to show children how everyone’s different but similar

Never mind the biscuits! If it's C of E and in a village my bet is there will also be home made cake.

My parents were aggressive atheists, so I was of the same mindset. It's all brainwashing/stupid etc. Never gave any of ot a second thought.

However, when I was going through a tough time (lost my father and brother in quick succession) I felt compelled one day to walk through the doors of our local church and just sit quietly at the back.

I'm very glad I did. While I can't say I really believe in God, I am now more of an agnostic. But what I really found, and what I didn't realise I was missing, was a sense of community and support. The dc started asking to come along too and now the whole family is involved.

Church is social construct and if you appreciate/enjoy the setting then you are most welcome, I say this as someone who is Christian and works for the c of e! Religion does go hand in hand with church but plenty of people attend church who don’t believe or at least are agnostic and meanwhile plenty of Christians don’t regularly attend church, it’s a Venn diagram with a large overlap basically.

go see if it works for you, why not, you will be made welcome. I’m going later myself (evensong) and it will be busy with people more there for the music

Not only is it ‘OK’, it is likely to be one of the reasons that the church has the playgroup in the first place.

One of the main commandments of Christianity is to spread the word, and that means welcoming people who don’t already believe.

The English and Catholic churches have long histories of abuse. I wouldnt bring kids anywhere near those places.
Lots of other religions available offering similar services.

I did, my DDs (adopted) were taken to church by their Christian, church going foster family, so i continued for continuity initially and then stayed for the friendly and supportive community.

No-one ever asked about the exact nature of my beliefs.

I stopped when we moved area and DDs were much older (and so able to go without me if they chose). One DD is agnostic and doesn't go to church, one is very involved in her faith and our local church and has a wider 'family' there of all ages.

Absolutely fine, the vast majority of churches won't care that you don't believe, they'll just be happy to have more people in the church. And there will be tea and biscuits afterwards (always my favourite part of church as a child)

I (no longer a believer) have had to take my teenager (a raging atheist) to church because she's decided she wants to go to confirmation camp. She was very honest with the priest about this by the way, that she wants to go to camp because everyone else does, not because she's suddenly found Jesus, and he was perfectly happy with that. Though she has some regrets now that she's found out just how much church events she has to attend prior to camp!

This is fine. I'd definitely go. It could be a lovely way to make friends and if nothing else will keep your child entertained

It's a lovely thing to do. There's so much cultural education to be gained from church. Your kids might find a religion at some point too.

I think this is really weird! Clearly I'm in the minority looking at the other comments. But why would you go to a service. Other events and activities may be but a service no way.

I'm Catholic but go to our local CoE because it's more welcoming and child friendly. However, the Catholic Church has home made cake whereas CoE only has biscuits 😭

Mine are older. They aren't godly as such but they love the church holiday Bible clubs. They say they arent too godly, they do fun things and they give them chocolate.
Churches are realising they need kids and families to come in so they will be welcoming and yep, definitely biscuits

As do schools (of all types, not just boarding), nurseries, hospitals etc and let's face it, most abuse occurs within the family.

Anywhere with vulnerable people will attract abusers.

As parents we need to be aware and not just assume the people in charge are above reproach. But equally it doesn't help our children to deny them experiences of the wider world. Not to mention preventing them from having relationships with family members, the most likely source of abuse.

All religious organisations have a history of child abuse. 🤷‍♀️

Churches have safeguarding rules now for this very reason, like schools, nurseries, scout groups, swimming pools, and anywhere that looks after children. It's not a remote concern if you're just attending service and going to the community centre with your child.

I can only speak for Church of England churches, but the safeguarding requirements that have been put in place in the last 5-10 years are now so comprehensive, so stringent and so actively enforced by dioceses, even in very small churches, that I would quite happily take my children to my local CofE church activities and leave them there.

I think many that go to a church playgroup will be non believers. Of course it’s fine from the churches pov for you to try out a service. Only thing I would say is a few of my friends who are atheists and kids had Christianity pushed at schools, became strong believers and they found it very difficult to navigate!

My mother's parents were Chapel, but she went to the CofE Sunday School because the activities were more fun.

Rationing still in place in those days, so no biscuits on offer at either!

I chose restrained CofE for our church going, rather than the foster family's more extrovert, charismatic style of church 😂 biscuits afterwards but sadly cake was for special occasions, rather than a weekly occurrence.

Though we do still have some mince pies DD brought home as they were surplus and being distributed after Xmas to anyone who wanted them. DD doesn't like mince pies 🤔

It's part of your child growing up and developing their own beliefs. They might have a different political stance to you, or a different faith, or not follow the educational/ career path you think is best.

Obviously if they are doing something self destructive that's something as a parent you need to try to prevent. 'Faith/ belief' can lead to controlling and abusive situations, but can also lead to a warm, supportive community and open up opportunities and experiences.

But in my opinion different choices, in themselves, are evidence of good parenting! Because it shows your children feel loved and supported enough to disagree with you.

I'm not sure if they still run them, or if they are in your area, but look out for Messy Church. Arts and crafts sessions for preschool and primary children - think it was about £1 a child when DD was at primary - everything supplied, some picnic type food, and a short (20 mins?) bible based session that it was appreciated but not required we attend.

I agree with you to an extent, of course we want our kids to grow up free to develop their own beliefs and disagree with us if they wish.

But I think the trouble is a lot of environments push their beliefs as fact rather than ‘here’s what we believe, some people don’t agree’ - which is how I think children should be helped to develop their beliefs. Very small children will generally assume adults in authority are ‘right’.

Can I ask what us agnostics/athiests say to their dc when they talk about jesus/god? My 7yr old sometimes mentions them and I'm like a deer in the headlights. I don't want to influence them either way 😂

It depends on the age, of course. Mine were teens when they opted in or out.

To go back to DM, she (agnostic) was a teacher in a CofE primary. Just the local primary, CofE for historic reasons as many are. A 'Christian ethos' rather than hard core belief.

But, local vicar popped in at various intervals. Harvest festival, Christmas, Easter etc. Rural area and she retired a couple of decades (+) ago, it would be more multi faith these days.

Each year she had one or two parents concerned about there child getting so fascinated by Jesus's and Christianity. Her advice was that it is a fairly common phase at that age. No need to either encourage or discourage it, in her experience if the home environment isn't Christian then it's much the same as desperately wanting a pony, or ballet lessons, or turning everything into a pretend gun.

'Some people believe ....' or Christians believe .....'. You can say that you don't believe or your're not sure.

I would fill in forms as CofE although I rarely go to church now. When I do go I don't care whether the idea of a Virgin birth is true or many other things but I enjoy sitting in a place where other people have gathered over the centuries. It works for me and is as valid as anybody else's feelings. I feel aligned with the values promoted if not specific parts of the Bible.