Can I have an opinion on my marriage

[Timetoleavefd]

on Tuesday I asked DH if he could take me and the kids to visit my friend in London as I’m not good with taking the tube and feel overwhelmed with the kids as they very young right now. He said yes and he will go to the pub whilst I’m with my friend. Today I was ready and waiting for DH (he takes the eldest to an activity every Saturday afternoon). He comes home later than usual and I’m ready by the door to leave and he starts arguing that he didn’t say he would come with me. I get upset as my friend is waiting for me.

I phone my friend apologetically and give her an excuse and ask if we could meet at alternative location (still close enough to her but I can drive there instead of catching tube). I meet her and all is good. I come home and DH is in mood with me and tells me to it’s the Blackwall tunnel charge. I’ve never paid before so I ask him a question if it’s just Blackwall or if it’s congestion charge too and he tells me to go and fuck myself. I asked him if he could list it for be and he tells me why should he.

I feel really angry right now as I do everything for him and I feel he is punishing me for trying to better myself in terms of I’m making an effort to be more sociable. I’m angry at him, feel free to read any of my previous posts to get an idea of my life.

He sounds like a gaslighting abusive prick. Nobody should be telling their spouse to fuck off or screaming at them over minor issues (or even major issues!). I wonder how much your anxiety and MH issues might improve without managing and living with him. I think you really need to leave - tell yourself you will and then start making small steps. Try grey rocking him and keep your energy for yourself and your DC. Gather info on finances if possible - how much he has in savings, how much mortgage is, what is his salary etc.

He is wrong to say you are not entitled to the house - if you're legally married then you will be entitled to at least half the equity (maybe more if you are deemed to need more to house DC). Could you try and save up to see a solicitor to find out where you stand?

So I guess you don’t leave because you can’t afford to?

Well at least check out the turn 2 us calculator so that you can see what help you will get with childcare and benefits if u were to leave him

if he is a good earner then u will get maintenance

Right - this is not on - he is an arsehole. He takes your money, and keeps you short of cash so you can't leave.

Leave

He sounds awful, you sound anxious, I'm sure if you left him that would improve greatly ( I remember with my abusive ex I couldnt decide what colour of grapes to buy and getting overwhelmed).

Your marriage is not a marriage its a warzone. Mine was like this with two kids. I thought I had shielded them from everything. Theyre both adults now and carry that trauma. I wish I could have seen at the time the best thing for everyone would have been for me to leave a damn site earlier than I did X

He is talking utter BS -
In the UK, if married, the wife is entitled to a share of the family home regardless of it being in the husband’s name, especially if she is the primary caregiver for the children. Courts prioritize the children's welfare, often allowing the resident parent to stay until the youngest child turns 18, or granting a larger share of equity to ensure housing stability.

If your daughter came to you and recounted this to you what would your response be?

I get some of his frustration as an adult who could not navigate public transport and seemed ignorant of tolls on a route they were driving would drive me insane…but he made a commitment, reneged and then spoke to you like a dog for raising that. Has he always been like this.

I would be in the divorce courts so fast…

This. Sounds like he cannot stand her but likes the convenience of having a wife.

She asked him on Tuesday to drive her a different day.

It doesn't matter what he says. You are entitled to 50%, as a starting point, of every asset unless you've only been married 5 minutes. You need advice from women's aid and a solicitor