Hen party invitation

[Zobear]

So I've been invited to a hen party for someone I've not seen in almost a year and not spoken to since june last year.
Do I go to the hen party?
Bit of a back story, there's no hard feelings or any falling out or anything of the sort, I think we've kind of just drifted apart as friends. I've recently had a baby (Nov just gone) got a text saying congrats but she's not asked to meet the baby or anything it was just the one message.
She sent me a picture of when she got engaged, I said congratulations and asked about the details, she didn't open or respond to me for about a week.
We all have busy lives etc, totally understand and it all works both ways.
But am I wrong for not really caring to go to the hen party? It's spring next year, apparently wedding is summer next year but I don't know any details on that either.
What would you do?
The MOH wants answers now for pricing etc. Realistically if I've not seen her for 2 years would I go....

I wouldn’t go. I’d feel like I was invited to make up numbers / make her look popular. She clearly doesn’t care about your life much.

In that case I wouldn’t bother going

Of course you don't have to go, but I think you're being over sensitive about her not asking to meet your baby.

You had a baby, she congratulated you, but that's not enough because she didn't ask to meet them. Maybe she was waiting to be invited, that's what I'd do rather than pressure a new mom.

She told you she was engaged, you replied and then... she also replied, slightly slower than you'd like. She probably got a lot of messages and it can be a bit overwhelming.

I don't see what she's done wrong. Maybe you are incompatible as friends because this is what my friendships are all like. We get busy and can go months even years without speaking, but when we see each other it's like no time has passed.

No is a full sentence. You don’t need to give a full essay on why you don’t want to go. You don’t see this woman anymore, you aren’t friends. Stop people pleasing and do what works for you.

That's my thoughts too, local event yes, weekend no

I’d go for an evening out. I wouldn’t commit to a weekend away or an actual holiday.

if they are asking for commitments this far in advance, I’m guessing this involves more than dinner and a club.

Me too. If I get invited to something, I like the person, like the sound of the activity and have the time and money available, I'm there! I've had some great adventures, met brilliant people and sometimes got out of my comfort zone. Life is for living!

I have other children, she's been bothered with them. She puts up posts congratulating other people, meeting their babies, her own posts saying happy birthday to other babies so when she doesn't so much as ask how the baby is yes it bithers me. That's me and my feelings and that's OK.

This isn't even about that, that's a reference to say how we've drifted and about the hen do

Considering there's 40+ people invited, I'd say it's numbers.

I’d respond and say you’re unable to commit due to DC so have to duck out. Don’t worry about it, probably an invite to make up numbers to keep costs down.

Do you want to go? Then go.

if not, decline.

‘should’ is not a factor

If it was one evening yes. But in the circumstances you describe, no to anything longer

Don’t go - I think you’ll hate it and resent the probably huge expense.

This

I wouldn't go if I were you. Sounds like the friendship is over. All of my good friends made an effort when I had a baby. Even the ones who clearly weren't arsed about the baby. You meet, check out the whole new human your friend actually created, check she's OK and not depressed or overwhelmed. If she's in a baby bubble and can't talk about anything else and that's not your bag you don't meet up again for a while. People generally make less fuss over later babies.

You shouldn't feel obliged to go if that's your question. Go if that's the kind of events you like, it might be a good opportunity to reconnect and have a fund weekend. I don't think it will be awkward, there is usually quite a few people who don't know each others.

But if it's not your thing, then decline and that's ok.

She’s desperate for numbers. Tell her no.

Well then it's easy. Save your time and your money by declining then.
I don't do hen parties at all. I hate group settings and I don't have the cash to spare. My friends know this so no hard feelings.

Don't go. You've clearly drifted apart and you are carrying a grudge about her not being interested in your baby.

I would simply be vague at this point and say that you can’t make a decision about over a year away due to your baby being small and not knowing where you will be then with leaving them. It’s honest but not a complete snub

With everything you've said, I definitely wouldn't bother! Hanging out with 39 people who aren't a friend doesn't sound much fun anyway?

Bit weird...

But if you dont want to go, dont.

I was about to say this. I knew a wealthy woman invited to a hen and then expected to pay for drinks when she was tea total. Did not work out how the hen expected as she was feisty 🤣

Hen parties can get expensive. I would consider, would you spend 50-200 on her? If the answers is no then you shouldn’t spend that on a hen party either

By not going you'd be essentially ending the relationship. People get busy with life but it's nice to know your friends are still there and considering you. She may not have been all that excited to meet your new baby but how excited have you been about things in her life? Were you excited to meet her partner for instance? Have you been eagerly texting and asking about wedding prep? A baby doesn't trump all in terms of life events especially when it's not your first.

I’d only consider going if you have any intentions to build up a possible friendship again after losing touch for a couple of years. I think her congratulating you on your baby and her thinking of you enough to send a photo of her engagement news means the door is open slightly her end. She has probably put your name down as well for her hen which is why you’ve had an invite.

If it were me I’d say no IF I was happy and content with this person no longer being a big part of my life anymore and I just didn’t want to go. I’d consider going if there was part of me that wanted to become friends again x