To ask if this is controlling?

[Chefpig]

Riding in a relatives car, I'm mostly on the back seat. He has the child lock on the window and very rarely allows me to wind the window im closest to down even on a nice day. He doesn't like the wind apparently. His wife does not think this is controlling but thinks it's hilarious when I ask and he refuses.

Driver chooses unless there's a medical need, for me.

Yes and rude

What? Everyone had to sit in a stuffy car?!

In isolation I wouldn’t say controlling exactly. But weirdly restrictive and not very accommodating.

Mayhe he doesnt want the fumes in the car.

I don’t let my children wind down the back window unless the front one is open because it’s noisy if just the back window is open. The noise hurts my ears!

Ask the front seat passenger to open their 🪟 a little. We don't open the back windows, the road noise is horrendous, especially as I have hearing aids.

When my back windows are open, it creates a dragging feeling. I can’t explain it! I have a long car, my old car (much smaller) didn’t do that. It makes a really awful noise. I have to have the front windows at the same time to mitigate the sound.

So I also have the child locks on the windows so that the kids can’t wind them up and down to distract me.

If it’s only this they probably don’t like noise, smell or windy feeling.
Tbh I wouldn’t like it either I would rather to have an air conditioner on .

Most modern cars aren't stuffy with the windows shut, ime

If I have to do the driving, ( I don't like driving but I'm the only one in our house who can), then I'll have the conditions in my car to suit me driving as comfortably (equals safely) as possible unless there is a medical need for the back window to be open.

If passengers don't like how I want to drive my own car then they can drive themselves.

Driver’s choice in my opinion. If I’m driving and one person opens a back window there’s a weird noise and sensation hurts everyone ears. If anyone wants air I put on the air con.

Driver gets the final say - and I say that as a non-driver.

Driver gets to decide unless there are health/safety concerns or it's literally insufferably hot (rare in the UK). Personally I don't like the back window open either and judging by the comments I'm not alone. Maybe drive yourself in future?

I grew up with a father though who had this idea that only the driver is allowed to be comfortable in a shared space unless they had a very good reason to need to make him “suffer”, and even then he made it clear he was pissed off about that need. He expected people to tell him why they wanted it open and he’d decide if the need was valid and open it a few millimetres from his controls. You can usually tell if it’s about control by how they’d react if the roles were reversed, do you think the man would it funny if he was the one in the back with the driver child locking him out of window access and the other passenger laughing at him being told no?

I can understand parents not letting small children have control but when a fully grown adult thinks it’s ok to make another fully grown adult ask for permission and explain to them their health needs before allowing a window to be opened? Yes I do think it’s controlling. My stepmum would think it funny when I was told no. My dad also used to do the same with the fucking door too. Like if they needed to quickly pop in a shop to pick something up, he wouldn’t open the door for me so I could also go in the shop, he wouldn’t open say I take too long. Again his wife thought that hilarious too.

He’s been dead over a decade and I STILL feel like I’m pissing him off everytime I open my own car window.

Buffering noise is horrible when a rear window is open. You shouldn't need a window due to air con. (Unless someone drops one🤣). Sit in the front if you really need the window open.

Why does his wife think it's 'hilarious'? If I were her, I would tell him that he needed to let you open the window. Do you ask for a lot of lifts? Are they maybe tired of driving you around?

Driver's rules. Feel free to take alternative transport to wherever you're going if you don't like them. Do you contribute towards petrol and running costs, by the way?

Conditions have to suit the driver so that they aren't distracted. You have your life in their hands, literally.

In my car there is a weird buffering effect when one of the back windows is open and I am going above about 45 mph, so I would ask a back seat passenger to close the window if I was going faster. It's not so noticeable at a lower speed.

Drivers rule all the way. Arguably controlling but a passenger passes all control to the driver when they sit in a car anyway whether the driver likes it or not

Personally an open window bothers me terribly, the noise and vibration is so bad I feel I can't drive. I'd go far enough to say it's dangerous. We have excellent air con so that can be changed to suit the passengers.

It depends. When you try does he say “sorry I don’t like the wind, let me put the AC on for you.” Or does he just say “sorry I don’t like the wind.”

Driver gets the final say. I can't cope with the windows open above a certain speed as it really hurts my ears (sensory issues).

I'm the same, the horrible helicopter noise is distracting and uncomfortable. Have you never experienced this?

The buffering noise is awful is you're in the front so I understand that. The child lock on would piss me off though

Open rear windows are a nightmare for those in the front, it makes a really weird noise/vibration that completely fills your head and makes it difficult to concentrate as its not really ignorable, I think the severity of it probably varies by car model (shape etc), it's really intrusive in my renault scenic and the windows are locked for that reason

Drivers choice.

I don't allow the windows down in the back when driving as the noise annoys me.

I've got air-con - that's enough.