Just For Men

[AtomHeartMotherOfGod]

I know I am being very sexist, and therefore arguably unreasonable, but am I alone in being completely put off (particularly) older men who obviously dye their hair?

That's it really... it's visceral.

Thread coming off the back of Darren on today's Pointless, but has been simmering for ages in relation to the lovely Phil Dunphy (only aspect of his character I had trouble with - I think he embraced the grey eventually and was then far more agreeable as a handsome middle-aged man), Dunphy senior (although he probably did it best), and Jonathan Ross.

I don't think we can fairly answer the question unless you tell us whether you are equally put off by (particularly) older women who obviously dye their hair?

If there are a man and a woman, both 88, both with obviously dyed hair, maybe coal-black, maybe carrotty orange, is your reaction of distaste the same?

I couldn’t support that double standard.

You’re not being unreasonable to be put off by it. Each to their own. They’re not doing anything wrong though - it’s no different to the huge number of women who do it.

Far more women dye their hair than men🤷‍♂️

Put off in what sense? If you're talking about dating then obviously you don't have to date anyone you're not attracted to. If you're just talking about men you see on TV or on the street then it's not really your business - they're not there for your aesthetic or sexual pleasure and they can do what they want with their own hair.

I remember a regular customer had dyed his hair chestnut brown and quiff styled at the front to cover hair loss...it just looked stupid and fooling no one.

True. The answer is yes I would be put off a woman that age with obviously dyed hair, whether dark or orange.

This reminds me of when I was younger and seen an old lady with the first 'Purple Rinse' I had ever witnessed. I stared in wonder and bemusement until I felt a tug on my ear

What does ‘put off’ mean though? I mean really, that needs explaining, because it’s a judgement but I am not sure of the detail.

Put off what?
I don’t get what you’re saying?
I mean you’re not going to be attracted to an 88 year old (I would think) so put off what?
Would you think them less intelligent? Unworthy? Lesser? And isn’t it up to them? I loathe the look of puffed up lips but I’ll decent to the hilt peoples right to do it!

I take it you don’t dye your hair then and remain completely natural? Of course there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to date a man with dyed hair, but men on the TV are none of your business.

They lose my respect because to me it suggests a lack of confidence/ desperation/ a need to feel attractive to the opposite sex.

It is totally a double standard, hence my comment about it being sexist. I feel partly that I'm just not used to it and in 1-2 generations it will probably be very normal.

Maybe some men stand out more than women as they often don’t dye their eyebrows to match so it jars more.

Do you also feel that way about make up, padded bras, plucked eyebrows etc??

More men use box hair dye. So it looks bad.
Loads of women have badly dye jobs, too…
But more women spend on their hair colour.

We have a neighbour who had black hair for years, well into his 50s. Never thought anything about it, until one day I saw him and it was brilliant white. He’d dyed it for 20 years. I still can’t get used to it.

My Auntie Maude dyed her hair until the day she died aged 80, her husband died 35 years previous and she was never interested in anyone else. I know anecdotes don’t equal evidence but she did it for her, why don’t you think people just do it because they prefer what they see in the mirror? Men and women alike. I think lots of people alter their appearance for themselves and it’s a cheaper and easier way to do it than anything more drastic. Some people take pride in their appearance and that is the way that makes sense to them. To think you ‘lose respect’ for people is awful and they weren’t asking you for it in the first place. How narrow-minded and frankly rude.

I think people also do it so that they don’t slump into old age and suddenly don’t recognise themselves anymore, there has to be a psychological element to it. To the day she died she used pressed powder too and put on lipstick. So does my mum and she’s 77, although she doesn’t dye her hair as she’s not fully grey yet. Not everyone’s lives revolve around other people fancying them. People can take pride in how they look. And my great aunt died when I was 20 (because her cremation was on my 21st!) so it’s not remotely new as I’m 47 next month!

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod

They lose my respect because to me it suggests a lack of confidence/ desperation/ a need to feel attractive to the opposite sex.

Even if those things are true of them, though - is that really a fair reason to lose respect for them?

I mean, I suppose you see it as fair, people make their own judgements about what will make them lose/gain respect for someone. Just seems a little harsh, to me. I can understand not having respect for their (supposed) reasons for dyeing their hair, but losing respect for them as an individual seems a bit over-the-top.

Your comments are so ageist and sexist. Why shouldn't a man dye his hair if it makes him feel better about himself.
I dye my hair for that reason, also wear make up, pluck my eyebrows etc
Do you do anything to make you feel more confident?

I wonder if more men that dye their hair just use a box dye on mostly grey hair and hence get the orange/black/ whatever all-over one colour.
More women probably go to the hairdresser and have colour blended in; men maybe are still embarrassed about dying their hair so do it in private.
I used to use box dye but I really need mine done professionally now.
It's getting more expensive so I might need to let nature take its course.
Grey hair definitely looks better than orange would on me.
PS @AtomHeartMotherOfGod
Which one was Darren? I usually notice these things but was very distracted setting up a new WhatsApp group while Pointless was on. TIA 😊

I’m pretty sure no one is going to be losing sleep over whether you respect them based on their personal hair choices.

I dislike it, for some reason it’s so much more obvious on some men vs women. Maybe because men tend to stay darker?

A little bit of grey looks far more natural and attractive.

I wonder if more men that dye their hair just use a box dye on mostly grey hair and hence get the orange/black/ whatever all-over one colour.More women probably go to the hairdresser and have colour blended in; men maybe are still embarrassed about dying their hair so do it in private.

Maybe that’s the difference.

Take the Beckhams, Victoria’s looks much more natural than David’s. Maybe V doesn’t have much grey.

Im more silver hair than grey now definitely wouldn't dye it I've just let nature take its course.

Fair enough, but in that sense, how does it differ to dressing well, keeping fit, having a good hairstyle, trimming his nasal hair?

It also arguably shows pride in his appearance, a man who respects himself.

Couldn’t the same be said for women who wear make up, dress in a “sexy” way, etc, etc?