Just For Men

[AtomHeartMotherOfGod]

I know I am being very sexist, and therefore arguably unreasonable, but am I alone in being completely put off (particularly) older men who obviously dye their hair?

That's it really... it's visceral.

Thread coming off the back of Darren on today's Pointless, but has been simmering for ages in relation to the lovely Phil Dunphy (only aspect of his character I had trouble with - I think he embraced the grey eventually and was then far more agreeable as a handsome middle-aged man), Dunphy senior (although he probably did it best), and Jonathan Ross.

Is it about looking like you are trying too hard? which imo isn’t a good look on either sex.

Actually, that probably sums up my reaction too.
Just hadn't been able to put it in words.

Lacking respect and judging people for making choices about their own appearances - bad look for lots of people on this thread. Reasons you have no idea for and actually none of your business. My friend went through serious chemo two years ago and the first time she went out some nasty girl said: “I don’t know who you are think you fooling with that wig.” I set her straight, but a lot of you are being the same mean girls on here. People dye their hair for more reasons than being ‘desperate’ or ‘trying too hard’. Gross. You’re gross.

I’m not sure how expressing an opinion on a thread is the same as insulting a stranger wearing a wig in public?!

People dye their hair for more reasons than being ‘desperate’ or ‘trying too hard’

As someone who dyes their hair Im aware of this.

Gross. You’re gross

What was that about judgement? 😆😆😆

I wouldn’t think twice about a man dyeing his hair. But I love grey and greying hair on men. Watching dh’s hair turn silvery gave me courage not to dye mine.

I couldn’t care less about any double standard. I don’t like it when men dye their hair at any age. But older men look particularly stupid if they dye it a colour that is too dark.

I’m judging the disgusting opinions being made about older people in particular without any information on how or why people make choices about their appearance. Lots of ageism, lots of assumption. This is a horrible thread.

You cant see the link? People on forums are encouraged to have awful opinions and are given space to have free rein on other people appearances… and then some of them go and say it in real life.

But you carry on making out that it’s just a jocular thing and I’m the bitch, Regina.

I think grey highlights look great on men, there's a whole world in-between being just grey or dying your hair one block colour. You don't have to do it all the time but why not.

If it’s causing you that much distress perhaps you should stop reading…

People on forums are encouraged to have awful opinions and are given space to have free rein on other people appearances… and then some of them go and say it in real life.

You think people are mean to people in real life because of forums? 🤔

Most box dyes look harsh on older people. But with the cost of hairdressing these days who could blame them?

I'm 51 and starting to get a few silvers, once it becomes pronounced, I'm pretty sure I'll be budgeting for professional touch ups. One of my girlfriends is 72 and a natural red-head; I'm pretty sure she'll go to the grave with red hair no matter how it's achieved.

My partner is older and his hair is a blend of charcoal/silver/white which IMO looks great on him. His slightly younger brother has an obvious box dye job in dark brown. I do look at him and think why not embrace the grey? But hey, not my hair & I certainly haven't lost respect for him!

You say you're put off by men dying their hair. Do you think they're doing it specifically to attract you? Or could it be that they're doing it because they want to, in the same way that many women dye their hair, dress themselves a certain way, or choose to use makeup simply because they want to with no regard as to how a random man might feel about it?

It sort of reminds me of this unfortunate do.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=images.foxtv.com/static.fox5ny.com/www.fox5ny.com/content/uploads/2020/11/764/432/rudy6.jpg?ve%3D1%26tl%3D1&tbnid=QVScgq9ycxIAtM&vet=1&imgrefurl=www.fox5ny.com/news/hair-dye-runs-down-rudy-giulianis-face-during-news-conference&docid=zzx7BQ4zpe0e5M&w=764&h=432&source=sh/x/im/m1/3&kgs=a5e8957d4f48b16d&shem=bdslc,epsd1,isst,shrtsdl&utm_source=bdslc,epsd1,isst,shrtsdl,sh/x/im/m1/3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://share.google/8PzFa6jZXbZTgvtsX

I do think it’s a bit odd when you see older men with money with such terrible dye jobs.

No... I think I will just accept that IABU and after this final shot, stop trying to explain.

It's a mixture of things; maybe I get a gut feeling about the people and sense the reasons they do it, and that's why I get this reaction. There may be people who do it for their own empowerment, and perhaps if I met one of them I wouldn't feel this way. It just feels that for most men it imparts an aura of weakness, and that's why I started the thread - to see if anyone else felt that way. I have my answer 😁

Hair colour should be indiscernible, which is why off the shelf colours always look wrong on anyone.

I don’t spend a huge amount on clothes or makeup, but every three months I get my hair dyed by an at home hairdresser for £60, including trim. I don’t think anyone knows I do this as it looks so natural - she wraps multiple strands in two lighter colours and then covers everything with a brown colour.

OP can you try and unpick what you mean by 'weakness' as per your most recent post?

Nope, nor me.

I'd worry about myself if I did.

Thanks for saying this. We are in the minority on this thread, sadly.

Let’s hunker down in the bunker!

So if some hypothetical man passed your test of authenticity that would be okey dokey.

How very fucking magnanimous.

I was just thinking the same ladt week. Don’t know if it’s because it’s a more recent thing or maybe it’s because a lot of men do the home dye and it’s very obvious. I think it’s starting to get more common and in time will just be accepted the same as women colouring theirs.

I think yabu in that a shit dye job that looks obvious is awful on men and women

I like that men are having to make more effort with their appearance

"They lose my respect because to me it suggests a lack of confidence."

The tendency to respect people in proportion to their confidence explains a lot of what's wrong with the world.

I'm not saying I don't get what you mean - if I'm being honest with myself I feel like this about people who get Botox, tweakments, cosmetic surgery, all of that. I think the aspect that makes me lose respect is the attempt to look young - it's so pointless. As a 40-something woman, the idea of seeing a 20-something woman and feeling that I need to compete with her to look young makes me cringe.

I don't feel this way about hair dye though, that seems quite extreme. Hair dye is cheap and surface-level, and there's a form of self-expression (not just trying to look young) in it for most people who do it. The Botox stuff horrifies me because of the amount it costs and I guess the greater physical lengths.

It’s the solid colour that looks jarring to me. I’m autistic and anything that looks unnatural to my eye ie over-filled lips or fake eyelashes, gives me the same vibe. It’s like my brain is telling me there’s something not quite right, I have to work hard on visual clues that NT people take for granted, so I’m not judging the person but it makes things a teeny bit more difficult for me when something feels “off”.
I can remember when Tom Jones used to dye his hair and I thought he looked so much better when he embraced the grey. He said his son had gone grey so he realised he wasn’t fooling anyone by keeping his own hair dark.