AIBU DH cooked but not for me

[FluentPeachBeaker]

AIBU for being annoyed that I got home after a 10 hour shift and DH has cooked for the kids, eaten and was clearing up but hadn't left me plate or even asked me about dinner?

Context it was 7.30 so pretty much within our normal mealtimes, and I had text him at 7 to say I was in my way home.

We usually split the cooking although I'd say I do more especially decent meals as he usually makes 'beige' food for the kids. This is another annoyance as we often have to cook two meals as the kids won't eat much that isn't nuggets and chips type meals and I can't and wont eat like that constantly. The kids are teenagers 13 and 15 and are his bio kids. I don't have bio kids.

If he's late home I would never not include him in meal plans, I'd text or call him to ask if he wanted to wait or whatever.

He got grumpy when I said I was annoyed and said dinner was an hour ago and I thought you wouldn't be back until 8 (no idea why he thought this)

Tbf he did have to take his son to sports
and does do most of the kid running around.

Bit of a pattern. He doesn't ask if I want lunches, never mind that I've just cooked a massive roast with all the trimmings for him and his kids. It comes to lunch boxes and he does his and the kids. For a while I made him his breakfast for the next day, but I've stopped because it's not reciprocated.

I mean I can make my own meals, and do! but it makes me feel left out.

I should say this doesn't happen all the time, he definitely cooks for me sometimes and can be very thoughtfu!l

AIBU and expecting too much?

Why not be blunt with him? Either we cook for both of us, when we cook, or I'm not cooking for you anymore.

Wow what a mean little assumption to make.

????? Totally unfounded and incorrect as op states this is not the case

Snide . And not true .

Why didn’t he just make you all a meal, plate yours up and stick it in the microwave? Really weird behaviour.

Just leave him to cook for him and his kids in the future then and you just sort yourself out. I dont think he realises he is getting the much better end of the deal so if he wants to change it, let him. Idiot

I’m quite petty so if there’s a day he and the kids get home later I’d cook for me and look blank when he got , and say oh I ate, I wasn’t sure when you’d be back. 5 stars if he says ‘you knew we’d need dinner!’ You: what? No I didn’t. I used to, but you made it clear last week we can never expect the others in the house to need dinner. I think what you mean is I should think of you but you don’t have to think of me. It was quite freeing cooking for myself, let me know if we should stick with this or go back to being considerate and catering for everyone who lives here.

Yup. This. 😊

By what you write i assume he made beige food which you don't want. Hence why he didnt make you any.

He is either lacking common sense, or he's deliberately showing you that he cares more about his kids, IMO. If you're cooking for a household, why on earth would you not cook enough for everybody? If it turned out that they didn't want it, someone else could have it for lunch the next day or if you go in the freezer.

Also, not the point, but 13 and 15 is a bit old to be stuck on babyish beige food.

Just sitting here imagining us woman cooking up a hearty dinner for ourselves and the kids and then saying to hubby “oh sorry we had ours an hour ago” didn’t realise you’d be hungry after working all day

Why shouldn't he do the majority of running round after the kids? Most mothers end up doing this. Plus they're his kids.

I do think he sounds a bit rubbish possibly just gotten used to eating beige shite with the kids though. If he did chicken he could easily of done you some and plated up a chicken salad so you could have a quick dinner when you got back.

That’s not much of a partnership. He could at least have texted and asked if you wanted something putting on for when you got home. If he’s making three lunches/dinners, one more is easy. I’d definitely be questioning this moving forwards.

Does he always forget you like this or was it a sudden occurrence?

my DH sees us as a pair so whatever he has, I will have too unless I explicitly state that I don’t want dinner, tea, half of his Kitkat.

if he has always been oblivious to you, LTB.

He excluded you for a reason. Is it because he doesn't think about you, consider you, care about you? IDK, it really doesn't take any more effort to make an extra plate for someone. It's no harder to cook for 4 than it is to cook for 3.

I think that’s piss poor of him, what did he think you were going to eat?

I can’t really imagine this happening as my partner and I do a weekly shop and plan our meals and, well, discuss things!

He does the weekly shop on a Monday night and before he goes we write a list together and have a conversation like this:
” Right, shall we do meatballs on Tuesday?”
” Yeah and don’t forget I’m out for tea with the girls on Wednesday so get something easy just for yourself for Wednesday night.”
” Great and then your mum is coming Thursday, shall we do cottage pie?”
” Yeah brill, then fajitas Friday and maybe some pizzas for Saturday?”
” Great and then shall we go out for a roast on Sunday?”

Your husband is so selfish. You are not being unreasonable

13 and 15 year olds who only eat beige food do not need to be cooked for. They must be capable of operating an oven or air fryer. So all of that gets discounted.

So basically he doesn't cook at all. Other than mollycoddling his kids by slamming freezer foods into ovens that they are more than capable of doing themselves. Or should be.

He sounds rubbish.

Agreed, sounds like his kids are his priority.

The Bastard.

I mean you’ve come off a 10 hour shift and not even a thought , and I do not agree with other comments saying you needed to communicate that you wanted dinner it’s a given after 10 hours that you wanted dinner , I bet he would more than annoyed if he came home from work and he had no dinner but everyone else had eaten , and for reference I worked 4 hours longer than my husband today as he had a meeting from home and he went out and bought ingredients for dinner and I never asked him he told me when I got home what he’s making and what’s he’s bought , let’s stop making excuses that we need to leave them notes and call them on our busy work schedule if they want to they will.

On occasions like this I would make a point of getting yourself a special treat for dinner. Nice Chinese, then eat it in front of him. Sorry love, you didn’t save me any food. It’s past tea time, I’m starving and tired. No I’m not buying you anything, no you can’t have a bit.

I suppose it depends if he would usually make you something or if this is something he didn't realise you'd want him to do, if you weren't in?

If he was rushing around taking the kids places etc maybe he genuinely just didn't think of it, but then he should admit that and he could offer to do you something quick while you're getting changed after work or whatever.

I'd have a chat with him and say you'd really like it if the person making meals though about the whole household and not just who's in at the time, whether that's you or him.

I don't see how looking after the needs of his children necessitates him being thoughtless and uncaring about OP.

The two things shouldn't be mutually exclusive.

Sounds more thoughtless than deliberate. I'd of bollocked him and moved on tbh.