To think many posters are very weird about the word ‘partner’?

[Savante]

I’ve noticed it for years and find it so bizarre.

If a poster says she’s been with her partner for five years but they don’t live together there are screams of ‘you don’t even live together. He's your boyfriend’.

If she says they live together but have only been together for a year it’s ’not sure why you’re calling him your partner. He's barely a boyfriend’.

And then on the flip side, if a woman calls her husband her partner, presumably due to habit, she gets leapt on with ‘why are you calling your husband your partner OP’.

Am I missing something? Is there some strict definition of partner I’ve missed?

It irritates the fuck out of me, unreasonable or not.

YANBU. I’ll decide for MYSELF how I refer to my partner (if I had one 😂), not let a bunch of randoms on the internet tell me what’s what!

My daughter is 27, met her boyfriend at uni at 19. Has lived with him more or less since, partner makes her cringe, so boyfriend it is until the end of time or until they get married at some point. But she’s not taking his name.

The phrase 'partner' drives my husband mad! As soon as he hears anyone say it, he sarcastically says "oh, business partner???". Followed by me eye rolling and shaking my head!
The word doesn't bother me either way to be honest. It just means someone you're in a relationship with, without being married to. That's my interpretation of it anyway.

That’s the way my daughter sees it.

"Boyfriend" for an adult is horrendous, but that's how I felt ever since. 😁

For a site that bangs on and on and on about hatred of the word girl for full grown women, Im surprised at the love here for 'girlfriend/boyfriend'.

Partner is the equivalent of spouse without the marriage certificate - in a committed relationship and living together with financial commitments on both sides.

Boyfriend suggests early stage relationship or not a relationship that has reached the engagement/moving in together stage and no one is financially responsible for the other.

It's really not that difficult.

I am totally in the camp of this irritates the bejesus out of me when people say partner but are not living together or financially responsible for the other.

I always thought the term 'partner' was a sort of 'mind your own business about the exact state, living situation or gender of my relationship' !

I have a ‘partner’ of 14 years but people will insist on calling him my husband 😬. Maybe there is just a hatred for the word and a need to swap it out for another.

An elderly friend of mine called her man ' my companion".

So you’ll understand about not using the word “husband” as default then…..

I personally really really hate it if anyone refers to DH as my partner. He is my Husband! previously my fiancé and before that my boyfriend.
So I guessed it works both ways. Personally hate the term partner but perhaps that's because it was used in a different way when DH was just the boyfriend I lived with ( I was very much expecting a ring). Partners were long time not married couples or gay couples. Never a casual thing.

Been with my partner 16 years (we are both in our 70s). We are in a very committed relationship although we don't live together because we are happy as we are

IMHO partner is the right word and it doesn't seem to cause any of our friends (of varying ages) issues. In all honesty Mumsnet is the first place I've seen this raised. It's pretty common parlance in our circles

Occasionally she'll say "my fella" - don't think there is a good reverse term

In these circumstances, I’d be tempted to call him ‘my lover’, straight faced, and without guile.

Some is because it affects the advice. Same when a poster refers to DH then transpires not married and there’s pages of irrelevant advice.
Language moves. Partner to me is cohabitation, same set up as marriage. Younger people seem to use for more casual relationships, inc none living together or only together a few weeks.
I think using partner gives people a false sense of security eg they move into boyfriend’s house, have a baby and give up work. Extremely vulnerable financially but masked by calling him partner.

At 63 and after 20 years I would feel very silly saying boyfriend. There are good reasons why a woman of my age does not get married not that I have ever wanted to. Sorry you dislike it. Not.

I hate the attitude to partners and marriage from many on here as if all women are low paid drudges at the mercy of their man. It doesn't reflect real life that I experience. A lot of my friends earn more than their partners, or don't want their partners to inherit their money or don't want to commit that much to their current partner. One has been stuck paying ex husband's debt while he has swanned of to Australia with a new richer woman (who has refused to marry him because she doesn't want to end up like wife no.1).

Agreed. I also hate the assumption that the woman always earns less. Not true in my experience either.

I have a civil partnership. It is very much a legal arrangement. My partner is my legal partner.

Going to show my ignorance here but I thought partner was the either the more inclusive phrase to for significant other? Sometimes on here I assume it’s people who aren’t married…

Many on here are obsessed with marriage and sharing finances. It’s pretty naive and presumptuous that we are living similar lives/have similar mindsets. I keep my family going financially due to working like a dog for 35 years, being careful and shrewd and a bit of inheritance. Within this I have also been empathetic and kind, I have a family member who is unwell living in a property I half own so I am not tight by any stretch but absolutely advocate for women protecting themselves financially. That’s what other women laid the path for us to do. And yes the whole attitude to the word partner is odd!

In that case he is your partner but people who are not in committed relationships do not have a partner because there is no partnership going on between the 2 of them.
When people post about advice on relationship issues it is important to know if it is a husband or partner as if it is a husband, there will be legal factors.

Many on here are obsessed with marriage and sharing finances

Obsessed? About finances, not enough, to judge by the threads on MN over the years, showing how often women get shafted in relationships, married or no, by not staying on top of the money. And that's before you get to the lying, financial abusers and cocklodgers.

About marriage? Not seeing that much, even the common-law wife belief seems less frequent.

My partner/boyfriend/whatever and I have been together 9 years so definitely not early relationship territory, but we don't live together. We do have intertwined lives - we provide each other with emotional and practical support, we holiday together, make long term plans together and have every intention of being together for the rest of our lives. I tend to use both boyfriend and partner to describe him, but boyfriend does seem wrong when we're in our 40s/50s and have been together so long.

Thats literally how language works.