To think many posters are very weird about the word ‘partner’?

[Savante]

I’ve noticed it for years and find it so bizarre.

If a poster says she’s been with her partner for five years but they don’t live together there are screams of ‘you don’t even live together. He's your boyfriend’.

If she says they live together but have only been together for a year it’s ’not sure why you’re calling him your partner. He's barely a boyfriend’.

And then on the flip side, if a woman calls her husband her partner, presumably due to habit, she gets leapt on with ‘why are you calling your husband your partner OP’.

Am I missing something? Is there some strict definition of partner I’ve missed?

It irritates the fuck out of me, unreasonable or not.

I’m 49, my partner is 70, calling him my boyfriend would be ridiculous.

Equally, you can't make things not to be by insisting they are not. Your first comment made me think of my mum who's been with her partner for 20 years. They don't live together but they have a shared life, he is involved in our family, he was there when my grandfather died and when my grandmother needed help after a big surgery. We were there for him when he was in intensive care in the first wave of COVID. He is part of the family. But you'd probably say he was "a shag" because they don't live together, right?
Up to you how you call your lovers but I don't think you have intimate knowledge of everyone's situation to confidently claim that we are all overstating the significance of our relationships.

I think the term partner is horrible and makes me cringe whenever I hear it. It sounds like someone who's been assigned to you. It's quite emotionless. Partner is for a business relationship. If someone referred to their partner, I would assume same sex. I think young (under 25s) use it quite a lot.

Yes, this, but not necessarily the living together bit - more that nothing is shared at all. And the poster who mentioned the men who rock up for sex but don't support in any way, shape or form. I often see it brought up on a thread because there's no way these men are calling the poster their "partner" to their mates.

So what is the appropriate term in my situation? Been with him for nearly 3 years and do not live together. Both middle aged. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds childish to me.

I really dislike the word partner. No idea why. I had a boyfriend and then a husband. Partners are for business in my mind. I don’t really care what anyone else says but I still think it’s boyfriend regardless of age and then husband if you do marry.

Yeah it definitely brings out some deep seams of quite murky feelings from some women for some reason. From the explanations it appears to be that some women still feel like marriage is an achievement or a social status boost, and so they think it’s some kind of deceptive boasting to ‘elevate’ a common or garden boyfriend?

Exactly this.

Yeah, it’s very weird how upset some people seem to get about the term partner 😂. I always assume it’s some kind of emotional issue. Either:

1. They are stuck in the 1950s (or very religious) and don’t think it’s acceptable that lots of younger people don’t get married these days or
2. They themselves are in a long term relationship with a ‘partner’ and don’t want the same weight added to a newer relationship (as if it somehow makes their relationship less meaningful).

Yes. Because it would be a fact.

Is it really? Who has decided that then?

I just think when you are over 30 boyfriend sounds weird. I have no interest in getting married but we live together and have children together im nearly 40 he is 40. I just couldn't imagine introducing him as my boyfriend.

General usage makes it so.

When I was younger and same sex relationships weren't so accepted and commonplace I thought people started calling their same sex 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' a partner. I thought it then moved to heterosexual relationships a bit later.
I think partner is fine for a couple who have been together maybe a couple of years and have moved in together and are planning a future together. My son late 30s always called his 'partner' of 6 years ( living together 5) his girlfriend. They are engaged now but I think he still calls her his girlfriend whereas I would have thought partner was appropriate.
Really it's what each individual is happy with and doesn't matter to anyone else.

Tbh i think most people say partner because think it means more than boyfriend and dont want to say boyfriend after a certain age. Legally you're either married or you're not.

boyfriend/partner both just mean unmarried.

Marriage isn't an achievement, were on the same page there. so why not just say boyfriend?

Okay well you don’t know what fact means. I do find it so odd that some people have drawn up these odd arbitrary rules around the word partner.

Why not just say partner?

I’ve been with my OH for 3 years. Both been married before, with DC, not in a position to live together without massive upheaval to the DC. Neither of us want to rush into marriage either. We are in our 40s and boyfriend/girlfriend just seems daft! He’s more of a partner than my XH was in the last few years 🤷🏻‍♀️ but yes I’ve had people assume we live together and one say ‘..and is he../she..’. I don’t mind being mistaken for a lesbian but I see that it’s confusing. Maybe we need an adult word comparable to boyfriend/girlfriend?

The key word was USUALLY

There’s only one term more cringy than partner and that’s ’my other half’.

I have been with my partner for 14 years. We have kids together, lived together for 10, have property together, wills, and businesses. So technically is my business partner too.

But to call him a bf is completely ridiculous.

Certainly at my work this is exactly how they define it for the purpose of the death in service benefit; if you are unmarried you have to have lived together for six months or more and be 'financially interdependent' to claim it

I’ve never used the term partner. I just don’t like it.

Your work defines the eligible beneficiaries of its death in service benefit as the cohabiting partner of the employee who can demonstrate financial interdependence.

Your work does not make the decision on the definition of partner on behalf of the English speaking public.

I referred to mine as ‘fella’
or ‘lover’
he’s a boring DH now