AIBU to say my sons girlfriend can stay over…

[GinnyW]

DH and I are supposed to be away for weekend. I told DS that his 18 yo DGF could stay over. DS is very nearly 18. DH has had a momentous hissy fit as I didn’t ask his permission. To the point where we might not go away for weekend. I thought that it was really sweet that DS asked me as he could have invited her over anyway. I am not sure what I did that was so wrong.

I would have you talked to my DH first, I think a 17 year old having their girlfriend/boyfriend stay over is quite a big thing.

I think the only thing you did wrong was not discuss it with your husband. He's probably less annoyed at the decision & more annoyed that you gave the go ahead without talking to him.

I always discussed staying overs with my husband just so we were on the same page, what are his objections ?

Does she stay over when you are both home?

That should have been a mutual decision you were out of order to just make that decision yourself without discussing it.

I wouldn't allow it either.

It's his house too.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me that I needed DH’s permission to agree to something so basic. Why on earth would I not allow my 18yo to have his partner in his home? But then, my DH isn’t an uptight bellend.

I can understand him being annoyed about not being asked about someone staying over , regardless of age and circumstance. I would want to know and have a say on who is staying in my house when I’m not there.

Their ages are irrelevant.

It's not basic at all. And it's not a partner when you're 17 ffs.

Why is it not a partner when you’re 17?

17 year olds are capable of having healthy relationships with similarly aged people and are old enough to consent to sexual activity….

It isn't basic to not include your husband in who stays in the house though.

He’s very nearly 18. I’m 30 years in with the partner I had at 18, and two adult children.

If you have your adult children living at home, then overnight visitors are to be expected. It’s normal to be in a relationship at that age, and normal to be in a sexual relationship. To me, it IS basic that my adult children are allowed to conduct their lives normally while living at home. DH wouldn’t say any different, so there would be no “consultation” required.

I wouldn't consider a 17 year old to be an adult living at home. And I would expect to have such a conversation with my partner.

I agree that I should have discussed it with DH. The issue for me is that he works away maybe 75% of the time so over the last nearly 18 years I have had to learn to make many big decisions by myself. The other issue is that DS didn’t need to ask me. He could have just invited her over anyway. I was so pleased that he asked, I thought I should respect his honesty.

Yes

I think I agree with you

He thinks they might be “intimate”

Yes, in most households, but he is not here for more than half the time. Sadly.

Well, he's right about that!

He is clearly being ridiculous they are being intimate whether she stays or hor i do think you could have said to him first, it might be he want to be considered.

It wouldnt have crossed my mind to ask. I usually make the decisions like this and DH backs me up no matter what. I'd only discuss it if I wasn't sure about it and wanted to talk it through.

My children are still tiny but I wouldn’t even think to ask really especially if she already does stay over so there clearly isn’t a hard rule about it already.

Well yes I would think so?
Do you not think this?

What does he think they do when she stays over when you are there?

and I wouldn't have been able to resist saying to him that was the case from the second he knew you were going away, however you have raised a thoughtful and mature lad who was letting you know rather than sneaking her in once you were away. I would be pleased at the respect he's showing.

I never stayed over at bf due to conservative parents. We were at it like rabbits any chance we got from 17/18. I don't see the issue with her staying over if your not there