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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My housekeeper is vey religious and it’s causing issues

365 replies

Claradiplomatique · 15/01/2026 11:15

We live overseas btw for anyone wondering.

So I have a lovely housekeeper who is very…religious.

She tells me off when she sees the children’s toys with horns (dragons, dinosaurs, Yoga Goat) or if she sees any children’s books about magic or witches. My own tarot cards and crystals are tucked into a drawer.

There is somewhat of a language barrier as I think we are having a normal conversation and she says “Jesus is coming soon” out of the blue.

There is also an ongoing battle between the nanny (different religion) and the housekeeper as nanny believes in evil eye etc and has given charms to me and the housekeeper says they are “satan’s work.” Nanny took the children to a Halloween craft workshop and came back with witchy dolls and a pumpkin which housekeeper said we should burn.

They do however both agree that our rescue street cat is sent from God to protect us.

AIBU? Do I double down on the no religion talk or let her go?

🧿🪬

OP posts:
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5
LER83 · 16/01/2026 19:37

You should have a look at 2 books by Pamela O'Cuneen, 'Hummingbirds in my hair' and 'Culture Shock and Canapes'. Its about her time in Africa as a diplomats wife and running a household. They are really interesting and funny!

Hmm1234 · 16/01/2026 19:38

😂😂😂😂 she is so tired of your conversation and household ‘Jesus is coming’ is quiet common in African culture when someone really disapproves of the topic

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 20:08

Claradiplomatique · 15/01/2026 11:18

The cat loves them both.

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Aw,...
this sounds a bit annoying.. but if they're both doing their jobs well, maybe let it be..

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 20:08

LER83 · 16/01/2026 19:37

You should have a look at 2 books by Pamela O'Cuneen, 'Hummingbirds in my hair' and 'Culture Shock and Canapes'. Its about her time in Africa as a diplomats wife and running a household. They are really interesting and funny!

Sounds good!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/01/2026 20:27

MidnightMusing5 · 16/01/2026 18:42

Who does the cat love more?

I find it quite funny though. They both mean well in their own way .

The Hand that Holds the Dreamies, of course.

KM123456 · 16/01/2026 20:47

Ask other parents there what they do in this situation. It can't be unique.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 20:57

AllMyPunySorrows · 15/01/2026 18:35

Says every lower-middle-class Brit who ever moved to the ME and employed an exploited domestic servant under the kafala system.

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If the people are paid fairly and able to leave the country, that's one thing.

I think it's fair to argue that people often work as domestic servants who haven't got many other options & it can help them send remittances etc. But otoh that is NO excuse for being held in bondage by kafala and not allowed to go home, nor paid unfairly.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 20:59

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/01/2026 16:56

Resist attempts to change how your children live, but don’t change the people. Chances are any replacements will have similarly diverse beliefs- which they are entitled to- and may not offer any benefit.

I lived in Singapore briefly and wealthy locals and most westerners there had a maid who cooked, cleaned, and also supervised the children. Many had two. The maid’s room in the apartment we stayed in was like a large cupboard, with a small high slatted window that you couldn’t climb out of. You were responsible for your maid’s behaviour and potential pregnancy, so employers were extremely strict- even attending birth control appointments. It was awful.

My DC went to a local nursery part time to give me a bit of a break. It was very different to the UK.

Yeah, Singapore is...something else...on quite a few issues!

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:00

Tuesdayschild50 · 15/01/2026 17:17

They both sound woo woo 🤭 i could imagine this being a comedy show 🤣

Exactly. Honestly I want a housekeeper like this 🤣 It sounds entertaining more than anything.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:02

Hopelesscase32 · 15/01/2026 17:49

Why is everyone so bothered about having a nanny and a housekeeper
My brother in law works in Oman and they are encouraged by the employer to do so as it helps the local economy

Edited

As long as she's paid fairly and is able to return to her home country if she wants...

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:04

BlueJuniper94 · 15/01/2026 14:54

You don't sound like you do respect those who are if they're "spewing bile" 🤣

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Strictly speaking, if you are an employee you shouldn't be telling your employer off for having witchy objects or whatever or say stuff in the house is from Satan.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:05

Glitterella · 15/01/2026 15:26

It’s a MN thing. I have refrained from sharing the part of my life on MN which has me employing a full time cleaner and a gardener. Firstly posters assume Im British and have a go at me for obviously being well off enough to afford it and then when I explain I live in Africa I am a colonial oppressor. You cannot win on MN.

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As long as they're paid fairly I don't see the issue...

LucyLoo1972 · 16/01/2026 21:07

Balloonhearts · 15/01/2026 11:23

I'd tell the pair of them that I don't want them filling the children's heads with tales of Satan and to keep their religious beliefs to themselves. If they can't, I'd let them both go. I wouldn't want anyone filling my children's heads with religious nonsense about Jesus and Satan and evil.

I had religious psychosis and it destroyed my life. I was a christian but a sane one not like this housekeeper

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:09

artfiend · 15/01/2026 14:25

Same here. The events described by the OP seem to be taking place somewhere in the former Yugoslavia. My best guess would be Bosnia and Herzegovina. A more distant possibility could be a former Soviet republic closer to the Caucasus, but the presence of a Catholic housekeeper makes that less likely.

If my reading is correct, tensions among the household staff would likely be both religious and ethnic, with ethnic divisions possibly even stronger.

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Fascinating. I don't know much about Yugoslavia & my guess was quite different. Want to find out more now..

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:11

BlueJuniper94 · 15/01/2026 14:49

Oh come on, isn't it better children as exposed to a variety of ways of seeing the world? Isn't this multiculturalism at its best? I thought we loved diversity 🤷‍♀️ are you worried your children will believe things you don't? Are you really lacking confidence in their intellectual and critical faculties that they need to be shielded from other beliefs?

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Yes, I mean unless the children are being scared by it. At that age I would have found it funny if anything.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:15

InterIgnis · 15/01/2026 13:14

America =\ the Bible Belt.

There are plenty of regions in the U.S where religious proselytizing is not something you’d be likely to encounter.

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Yes, a lot of people on MN think a of America is that extreme.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:20

DelinquentSnails · 15/01/2026 13:22

I wouldn’t worry about it. I grew up through my dad’s diplomatic postings in various parts of the world and I’ve lost count of the number of nannies, gardeners and random ladies in the street who have blessed me, curse me and assured me of Jesus’s imminent arrival. As far as I know, it didn’t do me too much harm and probably gave me a slightly more colourful view of the world.

My mum would probably have tried to introduce some sort of no talking about religion at work rule. I’m reasonably certain it would have been completely ignored.

To be honest, none of the cursing, blessing and Jesus talk was anywhere near as batshit as growing up on diplomatic postings behind the iron curtain in the early 80s. I’ve got some properly mad camera in your bra, bugged tennis racket, poison umbrella, chess match to the death stories about my crazy childhood.

Hmm...as someone whose relatives in Poland lived behind the Iron Curtain then, I think you should write a memoir!

Chess match to the death sounds especially intriguing...

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:21

ScaredOfFlying · 15/01/2026 12:42

I think that some of those snarking about OP having domestic help are missing the point that having “staff” is much more affordable in some countries (as a % of income) than it is in Western Europe.

Having lived many years in Asia I know countless families who came back to the UK and continued earning more or less the same/working the same hours as they did in banks in Hong Kong or insurance companies in Singapore.They had nannies and housekeepers there, but do not have them here because they don’t want to pay UK-level salaries to them.

It’s no different to coming back from living in a place where street food costs a couple of £ at a stall, to food trucks in London charging £12 for a curry.

As long as the staff are being paid a fair amount, it's OK...

researchers3 · 16/01/2026 21:23

DefiniteMeteor · 15/01/2026 11:17

Sounds like a Mitford/Cooper mashup novel but set in Keeeeenya about 100 years ago. I’d read it.

😄

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:24

ProfessionalPirate · 15/01/2026 12:51

I get that staff are much more affordable in other countries and in ex-pat communities it feels like the ‘done thing’, but you still have a choice. I would hate to have full-time staff milling around the house all day long, even if they weren’t spouting religious nonsense. I have cleaners, but they are only here a few hours a week, I make sure I’m not around when they come and they obviously know not to move or remove any of my belongings. Is this not something you could do instead? It would solve your problems I think.

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If the problems aren't too bad I think OP should keep the staff. She shouldn't employ just out of pressure, but it sounds like there's legitimate reasons to need them.

As to staff being more affordable, as long as they get paid a decent amount that's OK. It shouldn't be an reason to underpay though.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:28

grumpygrape · 15/01/2026 12:20

OP, I’d opt for sceptical tolerance unless it affects you or the children detrimentally. The driver is your best friend !

If you are a fiction writer, or maybe even not, I think you need to document your experiences and use them one day. My life as a diplomat’s wife type of thing.

You’ll get all sorts of daft responses here from people who don’t understand the mechanics of living in different countries, dealing with different cultures etc. Although the world has changed, there are still places where ‘privileged’ visitors are expected to contribute to the local economy and professions where they are expected to have household staff.

Many years ago my sister and her husband went to South Africa and she was taken aback that she was expected to have a cleaner, despite not working herself. Also that she had to have a nanny when my nephew was born. Her husband wasn’t even in the diplomatic service, just a middle ranking chemist. Had they not had ‘staff’ they would have been shunned by their peers for being tight or common and by the locals for not ploughing money back into the community.

My late sister-in-law’s father was in the Diplomatic Service and it was normal to have a whole raft of household staff despite his wife not working.

Enjoy living in your current country, I’d love to know your nationality and where you are living but understand if you don’t feel you can tell us.

I agree re writing them down.

Re employing staff : seems fine as long as the staff are not underpaid or preventing from leaving a la the Dubai kafala system.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:29

Aluna · 15/01/2026 12:21

I think the nanny is fine and the housekeeper either has to go or has to stop proselytising.

At a guess you’re posted in a part of E.Europe/E.Med that was once part of the Ottoman Empire thus has Islam and also Orthodox Church?

Either way, this has the makings of a Henry James novella: “What Clara Knew”. As long as it doesn’t go “Turn of the Screw”.

Edited

Hey I love that title!

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:36

EmpressaurusKitty · 15/01/2026 12:11

Your housekeeper wouldn’t approve of my cat, she’s got a Ouija board & knows how to use it.

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I love that 🤣

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:45

Claradiplomatique · 15/01/2026 11:45

This is the cat. Apparently she repels demons.

She was injured living on the street and now she is very happy and loved.

I'm so glad you rescued her. What a lovely cat.

Carla786 · 16/01/2026 21:46

Claradiplomatique · 15/01/2026 11:48

I’m presuming you are British. We are not British so I doubt you are a taxpayer of my country. 👍🏻🧿

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Can I ask if you're from a French-speaking country? I get if you'd rather not say.

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