To admit I am not strong enough for my job?

[Hrapa]

I work in investment banking. High salary but high stress and insane hours. Obviously.

Worked for years and years to get here but now that pay is getting serious at year 4, I just don’t think I can do it much longer. I am not strong enough to deal with the office politics and lack of control over my life.

I was working consistent 70 hour weeks and then 80 hours over Christmas with just Christmas Day off. Constantly “on”. I booked a lovely R&R trip to the Maldives. I spent 3/7 days working and the rest just stressed about the deals I was working on. Absolutely no respect for my holidays.

I think I’ve realised I’m just not strong enough.

It’s not about not being strong enough. It’s about the job being a poor fit for you.

you’ve got 4 years of experience. I’m not sure in what area but you can move into related jobs within finance that are nothing like you describe. Pay will be very good still. Maybe not 7 figures but still very very good

Fucking hell. It isn't anything to do with strength, it's wanting to actually live!

This.

This again . That's ridiculous, no money is worth that . And you are not even getting to enjoy the money .

I'm guessing you are making what 180k-300k?

Are you saving a large portion?
Is your lifestyle mega flash / high outgoings?

If so I'd start reigning that in.
Cancel the third space membership, move out of the 2.5k pm concierged apartment block.

You are obviously bright and theres a whole world out there.
With 4 yr ypu can def do a lateral move and still be making 100k or there abouts.

It has zero to do with being "strong" and everything to do with what you want for your life...
You dont sound like you "want this"... and who fucking would?
I certainly wouldn't and i work in in fairly high paid high pressured industry The role is challenging but its a 40-50 hr week and 6 weeks annual leave where I am not harassed per year.

Can you move out of M&A into something with slightly more predictable hours? Sideways move into asset management?

It's not about strong enough - you're not weak. You've worked in a high-stress, high-performance role for an intense 4 years and I assume the financial rewards have been high, but it might be time for a change. If you're on an investment banking salary you can afford to see a careers coach or life coach who can help you think through your options, identify your strengths and what you want and take some control back. I would really recommend doing that.

People only do it for a few years, it’s a piss take endurance exercise for young people. Your time is up- Time for another job!

It's not you OP, it's the job.

They pay you so much because they are expecting to buy you. Wholesale. For whatever is required.

It's not weak to have done that for four years. I'd say it was pretty fucking sane and strong to say enough of that and look at other options.

OP I’ve been in IB for 25 years. The hours will always be long but as a Y4, I’m assuming you’re at Associate level? Once you get to VP and then Director, you get much more control over your work. There won’t be so much spreadsheet/PowerPoint work and you’ll be out originating far more. It’s much easier. It’s not for everyone, but there is no denying the rewards are superb if you can stick it out for another couple of years.

That sounds awful. I wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world.

I think you have to really thrive in an always on, full pressure environment to do something like that.

Can't speak to IB but I crashed out of the financial services team of a US law firm where I did similar hours. I felt a bit at the time like I wasn't strong enough/ had failed but now I feel good about it all. Wasn't for me (long term) but that's fine. Job now suits me much better and I still earn enough for my purposes.

OP, @edwinbearis right, but you may not want/be able to stick it out for another couple of years, and that’s fine. Make the choice that is right for you, but take the time to work out where you want to go, rather than jump into the first lower-stress role that comes about. I was in a similar situation almost 20 years ago and, had it not been for my (now) DH, I would have jumped into the wrong job, simply because it was low stress and used the skills I had. I waited a bit longer (3 months), a much more interesting lower stress job came about and I never looked back. In fact, every time I meet the few contemporaries who did not jump ship, I am delighted I did.

good luck!

Its not about being strong or weak. It's about recognising how something fits you.

"If you don't make time for your wellness, you'll have to make time for your illness".
Cheesy but true. Listen to that voice you can hear and get the hell out before you do yourself permanent damage. None of this "not strong enough", that sounds crazy to us normal people. I wouldn't do a job like that for all the money on earth.

I took the experience from my ridiculously high stress consulting job and parlayed it into a career with much better work life balance and a very decent salary. It’s not stratospheric, but I still earn a very comfortable living and my sanity and morals are intact.

Every once in awhile my teenager bemoans that I could be making 7 figures by now, then I remind her she likes seeing her mother and her mother likes not having a heart attack.

the career you chose is designed to use and abuse the staff and discard them. There isn’t room for everyone at the top and there is always a new class ready for the junior roles. It’s ok to step out and use your skills elsewhere.

What’s your salary OP? Curious to know what an 80 hr week is worth these days.

I had a similar routine in law when starting out and called time after 4 years of killing myself in private practice so I do empathise.

A friend of mine has a similar job and told me this week it’s the money that matters. She is falling apart but won’t admit it. We’re all really worried about her. It’s good you’ve come to this conclusion. If you haven’t get squirrelling away and change jobs. Take a few weeks off in between and enjoy!

I don’t think a lot of people are able for that level of intensity and stress on a daily basis.
Save, save, save.
Take time outside of work to relax for some balance. Good luck.

YABU to say you are not 'strong enough'. Too many employers take the piss and expect you to be grateful, and they sometimes play up the idea that you must be too weak to keep up if you won't let them dominate your whole life.

There’s plenty of other jobs you can do which will use your experience and pay very well, but don’t come with the hyper stress and silly money. Back office / client management/ some policy or regulatory roles for example.

Absolutely no shade if it’s not for you

(signed, an ex fund manager who is now going something far more interesting, still in a similar industry)

Yes but you can work in IB for 10 years and then… retire. Thats what most of their goals is.

Get out now or you will burn out and one day you will simply no longer be able to go in, and that will be far worse than making a plan to move and implementing it.

You won't earn the same money, but you say you cannot do this job, so it's not actually a choice.

What is the point in sticking this out to feel like you're 'succeeding' if you're miserable all the time?

Very few people can maintain this long term. Perhaps those people are not 'stronger', just idiots to sacrifice so much for this job. .

There are so many jobs you could side step into that will be reasonably well paid, but enable you to have a life.