To admit I am not strong enough for my job?

[Hrapa]

I work in investment banking. High salary but high stress and insane hours. Obviously.

Worked for years and years to get here but now that pay is getting serious at year 4, I just don’t think I can do it much longer. I am not strong enough to deal with the office politics and lack of control over my life.

I was working consistent 70 hour weeks and then 80 hours over Christmas with just Christmas Day off. Constantly “on”. I booked a lovely R&R trip to the Maldives. I spent 3/7 days working and the rest just stressed about the deals I was working on. Absolutely no respect for my holidays.

I think I’ve realised I’m just not strong enough.

I could have written this post 2 years ago after working in what sounds like an identical job for 6 years - almost exactly word for word! I quit shortly after, earn a fraction now but can’t even tell you how much happier and healthier I am - although it did take a good few months to decompress xx

I know I couldn't do a job like this in a million years, and not for any salary, I'm just not built for that stress level and so I don't do it. It's ok not to be suited to a very insane lifestyle. Also, with money, I'm not sure my friends who are on 200k plus are happier than those of us on 50k, they have the same troubles, the same friend and kid problems, they are just people muddling along in the world.

You do have choices, OP, and don't be seduced by money IMO, once you have met a baseline of reasonable salary, which you would even if you downsized now.

I would not do this. I am a hospital consultant and used to do 112 hour weeks in the 90s. But it was for patients and at the time I saw value in my work. No way would I do that kind of hours just for money, unless I found the actual role enjoyable.

Partner did similar grind, survived just over a decade. Retired early but the slow slow pace he couldn't hack. Back working doing what he enjoys and we are all much happier at the slower pace. I had high pace for about 5 years but the kids got me out early. Had to choose between my London career and raising my kids (their father passed when I was in second pregnancy so I honestly had to choose between seeing my children literally or work).

We have benefited greatly from our previous roles as we saved a decent amount and can afford to have the quieter life. Honestly op, more to life than work. When on our deathbeds, my short lived career will be the laaaaaaast thing on my mind. I think partner still earns well, just obviously huge paycut vs what was before but I do think he's still in the higher earning bracket, and life is good. Really good op. We thought it was good before even with him working stupid hours when he was needed because he managed but now we know this life - the grind isn't worth it. You never know tomorrow. Take care of yourself op.

Aaa memories. Partner would get anxiety attacks when important things at work popped up (I don't want to be too revealing sorry) and it used to drive me up the wall, he'd literally be physically unwell when waiting to see how things went. I used to keep telling him no work was worth this but I felt the need to support as I'm a sahm (my own finances but he also spoils us!) And it was very tiring for both of us sometimes. Work was also prioritised a lot over holidays too now I think about it. Our first proper holiday was a week after he retired. Like he was chilling and not cuddling his laptop. I don't know if you have someone to support you too op. It's financially worth it in a way if you save wisely and then settle down in a good paying job and live quieter, I fully recommend! I hope you have support though.

It sounds like my idea of hell! I would far rather earn a pittance and have an actual life. I'm sure you could find something suitable without all the sacrifice of your time. It's really not sustainable, and certainly not good for your health.