Sorry for essay its a complex situation. We've been married 10 years, together 16, separated currently for 10 weeks and 2 kids together.
Back story we have had 13 good years and 3 not so good. My husband has had huge debts previously from partying and gambling up to 50k could be more now.
I have taken out big loans on his behalf. There has also been an incident emptying our account on a gamble he lost and we missed our mortgage. I hadn't realised months prior he had been continually to withdraw money from our piggy bank as he pleased. I have always paid for all the kids things, clothes, all our furniture in the home etc and was always happy to do so as we were happy. He has always been a partier and heavy drinker he would go out 2/3 times a week often not telling me he's going out and occasionally not coming home, this has increased in the last year massively. He has left him last minute to go away for a weekend with random people when I had booked big work events and required him to help with the kids. I've been more or less a single parent since day one. I have accepted him for who he is and supportive in the debts despite continuing to go out and worsening our financial position. I have an extra business on the side to ensure our kids can go to all their activities and life continued as normal. However in the last two years he has grown more and more resentful towards me and his anger and irritability have escalated, I have had to manage these reactions and agree on things to keep the calm in the house and have gone into myself a bit which he is claiming now made him lonely. I've suggested perhaps he could have depression which did not go down well as this was seen as labelling but also I have considered it could potentially be drugs (which was even more of an insult and got very defensive labelling falsely other members of my family taking them, he has admitted to taking them before however.
I don't believe he is cheating although he has been spotted out with another girl in a bar alone and was defensive when asked, he doesn't seem like a cheater to me however it's not to say that it could have happened or be happening.
How we ended up separated, I originally asked him to go and stay with his family when he didn't come home from work one evening instead went on a bender and didn't return until the following evening and then was angry at me for not collecting him. Originally I thought he would spend a few days with his family it would be a wake up call and to show that this behaviour couldn't go on however he's been more and more angry through messages for making him live there rather than acknowledging the behaviour before. My kids have not missed him in the house probably because it isn't much different except a calmer house and they still see him regularly.
I have not missed him however my main thing is we have had so many good years together, should i try and save this and put this down to a midlife crisis. I've suggested couples therapy as I think an independent person would be helpful when I talk to him, it's like my words go through a washing machine and somehow he is the victim and I'm being ridiculous. He has ignored my messages on the conselling which makes me think he would not agree to this.