Ex’s turn to have the children this weekend.

[ticktockali]

Hello I wondered please if anyone can help me understand this.
My ex and I have our 3 dc 50/50. We have not been in direct contact with one another for 3yrs. Dc are 17, 15 & 13. Any contact is via his girlfriend.
Ex is going abroad with his girlfriend this weekend when our dc should be with him and my DC told me that their grandparents are moving in to his house to look after them for the 3 days.
His house is 2 miles away from mine.
is this ok? Should anything happen to any of them they would not tell me. It was a very acrimonious separation where I have no contact with his parents either.

I think it’s fine, he’s arranged alternative childcare. Plus your children are all old enough to contact you if they need to.

I would have appreciated a heads-up about the switch

Id say at those ages that's fine, I wouldn't expect your ex to tell you as the kids are capable of doing so. He's arranged suitable childcare and the kids can contact you if needed.

Given the ages of the oldest children I am not sure why they need care tbh. They aren’t seeing their father - do they like the grandparents? If so they are choosing to spend the weekend with their gp. If not it sounds like you are using this as inappropriate childcare for your convenience only.

It is fine
Contact with wider family is good
Your dc are old enough to text you
Chill and enjoy a weekend for yourself

Do the kids want to spend time with their grandparents?
They are all at an age they could make their own decisions.

Thank you. I appreciate your replies.

I don’t see the issue here. I’m pretty sure you don’t tell him every time you have someone watch the kids

Thank you. You’re absolutely right. Just their controlling behaviour of the past has risen inside me again. Thank you for bringing me back down.

Not an issue personally. I don’t tell my ex of my mum is having our shared child on my time and I don’t expect him to tell me for his time

At their ages they can come and go as they want, from both houses.

Kids are old enough to decide if they want to go or not, if they're happy with grandparents etc.

You haven't said what the kids would like to do, would they enjoy seeing their grandparents? If not then they need to tell their Dad ASAP. If so, then I don't see the issue given their ages? Do the GPs behave appropriately with the DC? Don't spend time slagging you off etc?

Yes it’s fine.

It would be the same as if your mum looked after them for you.

At those ages I wouldn’t worry about them either, especially as it’s only 2 miles away.

Does the eldest have a phone?

Of course it's fine just like if you left kids with a family member or a friend.

This^

just make sure the children know to contact you if something happens regardless of what any grandparent says, then you can be the judge of action or parent in an emergency situation

Yes they all have phones. They would rather stay at my (our) home but do not want to cause any bother.
I’m just experiencing another spike of anxiousness.
I don't think I’m slagged off anymore but I know they’re still raging that my ex their son, received a restraining order for C&C behaviour and how could I do this to him/them as I hadn’t been beaten black & blue.
My late father took the same stance as them.
It still raises all sorts in my mind and I don’t know what they are capable of but I’m certain if one of them was injured or sick and wanted me they would not tell me.
I’m sure it will all be fine and I will tell each of my DC to look after one another and to let me know if any of them are sick or injured or need anything.

I think you need to put aside your issues. He sounds shit. The grandparents sound shit. But this is a perfectly reasonable solution to the problem. Your children are old enough to decide what they want to do. I’d let them know it’s fine to communicate back that they’d prefer to stay at home.

They are all old enough to talk to their dad directly about staying at home rather than having a babysitter but it’s the DCs choice and responsibility not yours, keep out of it

They are your kids grandparents. Its good for them to spend time with them. He doesn't need to tell you his whereabouts once the kids are being looked after by responsible family members. His access time is also time for his extended family to see your kids.

Why?!

We used to have this with DSD. It's so irritating. If we had plans on "our time" (it was literally the odd occasion!) then we would ask MIL and FIL to look after DSD and his ex would blow up asking why he / we didn't have her yet she was fine getting her parents to babysit most weekends!!!

This must have been incredibly frustrating and my situation is quite different to yours.

They're teens, they'll have adult supervision and they're only going to be 2 miles away.

It'll be fine. Even if one was injured or sick, there's no way that two other teenagers would be incapable of getting in touch.

I’m sure it will all be fine and I will tell each of my DC to look after one another and to let me know if any of them are sick or injured or need anything.

They’ll know to do this anyway.

I would just tell them to have a good time and to contact you if they need anything.

Its only 2 miles away, it’s a couple of days, there’s 3 of them, they’re all teens, they’ll be at their dads home (not somewhere completely different) and with their grandparents - unless you have concerns for their safety then they’ll be absolutely fine.

Your dc are old enough to stay Home Alone together anyway!