Husband wants to move abroad and I don’t…….

[hotshot55]

We are a family of 3, my husband has been trying (although not particularly hard) to gain a visa for Australia. It’s costly, and he’s spent so much on it so far. He was going through the process when we met, and I said I’d never stop him from going. Fast forward 10 years, marriage and a child later and he wants to go. I am not that keen, has anyone experience this before? What did you do? he wants a better life for us and our child. Am I being unreasonable to say no? For me, I don’t want to start again, we have an amazing family support network and friends.

my husband has been trying (although not particularly hard) to gain a visa for Australia

Has he secured a visa or not?

He sounds too lazy to do anything about it anyway.

Smile and nod.

He doesn’t stand a chance and that’s assuming he even manages to do anything tangible about it

Safe to assume - no he has not!

Then there's no problem. OP can ignore. It's not going to happen.

See if you can find BBC 1 tv “Wanted Down Under” programmes on catch up.

This offers terrific insight into families who’ve moved down under, and their final decisions about staying or not. Many did, some didn’t.

It might help you.

Neither of you is unreasonable.

Under no circumstances would I want to live far from Europe. Plus, I've been to Australia and really didn't like it (no offence to Aussies who are nice people). So I wouldn't go in your shoes.

But if it was always your husband's dream and you said you won't ever stop him from going, then he's not unreasonable either.

I suppose it comes down to how much either of you values being married to the other.

Plus, when you become a state pensioner, although you’ll receive it from the U.K. it’ll be frozen, no annual increases.

How much do you know about Australia? Moving there is not a quick decision. The grass is often not greener somewhere else, and you may jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

No way, because of Hague convention

Oh god no! My DM emigrated when she took early retirement at 49. I was at uni so didn’t move, but the cons are the heat, creatures, massive areas of nothingness, expensive to buy imported things … my mum died 12 years ago so I’m way out of touch, but the amount of things that can kill you is huge!

Let him go.
Not a chance I would go.
If you went and wanted to return to the UK with your child, I think he could stop you leaving.
Let the relationship go, stay put where you are supported.

How did you get 10yrs in and this is only cropping up now?

Why in the world would he still be actively spending money on something you know you don’t want to do? Very strange.

I think you owe it to him to tell him the truth, that you aren’t moving there. Whether he chooses Australia or his family is then up to him. I can’t understand why he’d choose a random country (with its own issues like anywhere) over his family and support network. Why is he so obsessed with Australia?!

Oh yes, pensions. I went back after 50 years lady year. My school friends were surprised that I got full state pension and had a private pension. If you have one there your state pension is adjusted down. So unless you've got a cracking private pension you get the state pension rate. That's if you qualify. Teacher friend (66) is still working for 18 months so she gets her full superannuation. Couldn't believe I retired a year early.

It's been a pipe dream he's nibbled at for the past 10 years with nothing to show for it. In your shoes, because your family and friends support network means so much to you I would tell him it's too late now and that you don't want to go. You've made no mention of the pair of you even having the skillsets that are in high demand out there so given they don't give out work permits because someone fancies a go this just feels like a bit of a fantasy that he has. Tell him it's not happening for you as a family.

Why did you marry and have children with someone actively planning to move abroad, who you said you wouldn’t stop from moving abroad, but don’t want to go yourself?

Amazing family and friends....I wouldn't be leaving.

My cousin and his family emigrated to Australia many years ago. He hated it and never settled, but his wife and daughters loved it. He was stuck there and still is. He’s had a good job and on the surface it was a success, but he has never been happy and would have come back like a shot, if his wife was willing to. Decades later, his own parents are very elderly and in ill health and he can’t support them.
How much time has your DH spent in Australia recently? Like many other Western countries, Australia has changed a lot , especially the cities. Also the climate is ferocious…

Just what is the point of this question ? She married him. She is where she is. Asking this question is utterly and totally pointless.

@IngridBergmannn What is really comes down to is how much they are prepared to move dc and how selfish he’s prepared to be! What does dc think about leaving everything behind and, presumably, family?

I guess it’s clear from this thread that if you do move to Australia op, don’t get narcolepsy, you’d really regret that 🤣

Yes, this is my question. How did it get to this point, that you married and had a child with a man who has always been upfront about wanting to emigrate and has clearly been working on it in a fairly sustained way, when you don't want to?

It's something he has clearly wanted for a long time. You knew that when you got together so this can't be a surprise. You could of course try it for a year or so to see how it works out. You might live it and him hate it!
Or you might realise you with want different things altogether. I have many friends living in Australia and have no intention to return. I also live in a different country with the same internation of remaining here forever.

I'm amazed at the amount of people saying they'd never go- we went travelling in Oz this year and it's 10000x nicer than the UK at the moment. Cleaner, safer, the quality of life is a whole other level. We are looking to move abroad too- the UK as a state at the moment.

The grass in most of Australia is literally not greener than in most of the UK.

It’s VERY different living in Australia compared to travelling round it! VERY!! You won’t have had to pay any bills for example travelling there or had the kids in school? The rainbow glasses are on when you are on holiday and it certainly is nothing like a holiday when you’re living there! It’s one of the most expensive places to live in the world for a start! The massive medical costs you have to fork out yourself and the appalling public health system they have which makes you appreciate the NHS soo much! Massive ICE addition problem and also a huge teenage suicide problem