How would you handle this?

[Suspiciousminds2]

I probably am being unreasonable and I probably should not be thinking about this. But how many women here have had the urge or have looked through their partner or husband’s phone? I was scrolling on mine earlier and DH just snatched it out of my hand, to “have a look” at what I was scrolling, I told him that was rude and that I was using it! So as a joke to see how he liked it, I did the same to him, except the lengths he went to, to keep his phone from me has left me feeling slightly unnerved. He gripped it hard then ran away and locked himself in the bathroom, i asked him why on earth was he holding on to it so tightly and he got quite angry. Would you try to have a look again?

Sadly I would think this is a huge red flag.

He wanted to look at your phone perhaps because he is judging you by his standards?

Locking himself in a bathroom so you can’t see his phone is unhinged.

What has he said since?

Hmm, that certainly sounds a bit off to me op. I can’t deny I would be suspicious he was up to something otherwise why behave like that..?

Or maybe you don’t handle this and I should just sit with the strange reaction..

Hmm. I wouldn’t know how to handle but me and DH are always using each others’ phones, I don’t think that does bode well OP. His cagey behaviour speaks for itself tbh.

He locked himself in the bathroom? What?

Im not sure, i was so shocked when he locked himself in the bathroom

He is hiding something. Sorry. Deleted now tho hence the run to the loo.

That’s very off. I’m on DH’s phone all the time, the same the other way around. I’d be finding the opportunity to have a look at his phone secretly if you can OP. Don’t bring it up again so he doesn’t think you’re suspicious and doesn’t guard it closely.

He’s judging you by his own behaviour. You’re right to be concerned. If he’s locked himself in, he’s deleting.

Has he ever done anything like that before?? He's behaved very oddly for someone with nothing to hide...could he be projecting his own guilty deeds on to you? He'll have deleted the evidence, thought be worth checking his deleted folder just in case...

Yeah, I would consider this to be an absolutely screaming red flag.

Weren't you shocked when he grabbed your phone in the first place OP ? Tbh the whole scenario is pretty unnerving.

For him to grab your phone like that it definitely sounds like projection: he is assuming you are up to no good because he is up to no good himself.

I don't see how you can just ignore what has happened.

If he acted like that of course I'd want to look, that's suspicious as hell.

I've never looked at my husband's phone because he's never given me reason to. He'll happily hand it over to let me use it if I need to search for something and my phone is elsewhere or whatever, he's not protective of it in the least so I have no reason to want to look at it.

If he gripped it and ran off to hide in the bathroom I'd have reason to want to look.

V strange DH and I often use each other phone e.g. he is on the phone and whatever the discussion is he wants to Google so will use mine or vice versa, the only time I have any feeling about it is if he wants my phone while I’m using it (watching something), yes it’s annoying but I would always give him it anyway (again vice versa). To grab and run to the bathroom is very strange…

I've never had the urge to look at my DHs phone and he's never looked on mine either - although we show each other messages and photos and stuff all the time. He doesn't have any social media apart from a couple of WhatsApp groups with a few friends and he has no interest in Facebook/Instagram/X at all.

I think you either trust each other or you don't. It sounds like your DH doesn't trust you, which would make me suspicious that he's judging you by his own standards. Of course you're going to want to look at his phone now - he's probably busy deleting anything incriminating though!

I voted YANBU but maybe he was just innocently looking at a product for a sensitive issue (hygiene related maybe) that he’d rather you not know about. 🤔

I’ve never had the urge to look at his phone. I use it sometimes if mine isn’t to hand but I’ll ask first and I never look in his messages, calls, social media etc. that’s his private business.

It’s never even occurred to me to look at DH’s phone.

I can look at Husbands phone any time I want, so I tend not to because there’s nothing on there I need to see.

Maybe porn/looking up images or asking odd questions that would come up in his Google? Definitely deleting whatever it is. Esp if this is unusual behaviour for him. Or would his WhatsApp banter with his mates be about you or something he'd rather you didn't read?

I haven’t ever sneakily looked at his phone but both of us will pick up each others if it’s nearer or whatever, and we know each others passcodes.

Huge red flag re your DH’s reaction. That would definitely make me want to snoop. I think it’d be a bit of a dealbreaker actually.

I have no interest in my partners phone and he has none in mine as far as I know. We show each other stuff on our phones but don't regularly use each others. Both phones are password protected with a pin and fingerprint, I don't know his pin but I expect he could guess mine if he wanted.

I would react poorly to him snatching my phone to look at it (as would he) since it is disrespectful and I regard my phone as private.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to thinking something highly suspicious but your partners reaction would leave me keeping an eye on his overall behaviour. I wouldn't try to look at his phone.

DH and I use each others phones all the time but I wouldn’t dream of looking through his messages unless he specifically asked me to read one out if he didn’t have a hand free.

Well he obviously has something to hide.

I expect he wanted to check your phone to see if you were up to the same things that he is.

I have nothing to hide but wouldn’t allow DH to look at my phone. All I have is email, text, WhatsApp and that would be like reading my mail.

I also am not interested in looking at his phone. If he’s hiding something (he’s not) I’d find out sooner or later and he’d be told to fuck off out of my life.