In-laws keep asking to stay over

[TwinkleTwinkleX]

We live in a small 3 bed flat with a 5 month old and a 3 year old.
In laws live 2 hours away and we visit them at least 4 /5 times a year. They’ve seen our 5 month old 4 times spending a few days each visit.
we used to live in a smaller 2 bed flat so when they would visit they would stay in a local hotel or with my parents who have a bigger house. This arrangement felt easier but now they keep asking to stay over with us (almost every month)
I find it so stressful, I’m exclusively breastfeeding, the little ones won’t settle with them about and we have to shift beds around. They never occupy themselves and I feel like I have to play host (despite already juggling enough). They also never treat us to coffee/ a meal or contribute to food which I find cheeky.
husband finds it irritating but is much more easy going / it doesn’t impact him as much snd he’s a bit bullied by them he can’t say no. AIBU thinking they should get a hotel / take my parents up on their offer to stay with them?
they have money for a hotel,.. i don’t understand why they want to crowd us when our flat is so small. They are bored and retired so I don’t want them to think this can continue so frequently, especially when I’m back at work but am I just being harsh?

you keep reiterating: flat is small get an air bnb or hotel when you come to visit

Just say "no". What part of "no" do they not understand ? The flat is too small, the DC would be excited and roaming around all night, no one would get any sleep. If you give in, they'll expect to stay at your place every time!

It's for your husband to say it weather he likes it or not.

He needs to put his big boy pants on and bloody deal with his parents. Get cross and tell him so.

Just say no. Send them details of hotels and stick to your guns.

Just be honest and say the flat is small & theres no space.

Can you pump enough to leave the baby and head over to your parents for a nap? I think your husband would sort it out if all the problems of their stay became his problems.

Ask them to stay in the flat, whilst you and DP go out to a hotel for the weekend! 🤣

Go and stay with your parents, leave an empty fridge and leave your weak selfish husband to look after his selfish parents.

This is for DP to sort. It's his parents.

Also don't expect your parents to host in-laws. You are moving your discomfort to them.

If you or your DH can't be direct and say "no, it doesn't work for us any more" then turn your spare bedroom into your youngest's bedroom, whether or not he sleeps there in reality. Get rid of whatever bed/mattress you had for your in laws to sleep on. Maybe there was an issue with a leak or mould and the spare bed needed to be binned. It would make sense to take that opportunity to redecorate. "So sorry, no room at the inn with our growing family,"

The idea about them staying at your parents is very odd. Unless your parents run a B&B or the two sets of parents were friends before your relationship with your DH?

‘We live in a small flat and I’m EBF so that wouldn’t work for us at the moment, sorry. Feel free to find an air bnb or hotel nearby though, looking forward to seeing you!’

As usual, the problem here is your DH - he needs to tell them no!

What I was about to say! He needs to step up and tell them No. End of.

What about suggesting alternating arrangements, so sometimes they stay over and sometimes in a hotel? That way they still feel welcomed in your home while you establish some boundaries with regard to frequency, because it's a lot for you to manage.

Stop playing “host”. They’re DH parents, he should be doing everything. If they’re there, just do what you normally would around the house, let him entertain them and make cups of tea.

“Great! You can babysit while DH and I go out for the evening. Here are the bottles of expressed milk and here’s a takeaway menu. Have fun!”

Your husband really should tell them no. You could try not making things comfortable for them. Don’t move up. Give them a small double blow up bed in the living room.

Stop playing host. If they do come to stay then get them to do the dinner and make their own drinks etc

Exactly.
Not difficult to cut such tiresome, daft bastards off, btw.

I agree. Take the baby and go to your parents and stay there until they leave.

It’s good to hear it’s not me being unreasonable! They clearly didn’t get the message on the last stay that I wasn’t comfortable and they weren’t hugely welcome (double blow up bed in the nursery) and I was a bit frosty.
I feel like I have to tread so carefully with my husband and the subject as we see lots of my parents (they are local) but he gets on well with them and they would never dream of asking to stay if they didn’t live closer.. they would get a hotel. I find it pretty telling my FIL texted my husband to ask to stay but not me.
They also came to visit as soon as I gave birth both times.. I wasn’t even home yet and they insisted on coming when I was trying to settle into feeding/ adjust.
I don’t want it to become a wedge between my husband and I but I do feel cross about it all

Great idea!

Every month does sound excessive, though it's kind of nice they make the long ish journey. There's no point being frosty with them imo, unless they're obnoxious, but getting frosty with your husband until he sorts it might be the answer.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Hotel/Air b&b whatever. Preferably at a distance where they need to be collected in the morning so DH can get there to pick them whenever it suits you .

My in laws live abroad. The decision for them to no longer stay with us when they visit, but to stay in a hotel, has significantly reduced my stress levels.

They came to stay when you’d just got back from the hospital ?? And your husband let them?