No thank you messages for gifts

[Pollysammy]

I have one brother, who I am not close to, but we sporadically keep in touch via his wife. He has 4 grandchildren, 2 teenagers and 2 younger ones from his 2 children. I send the grandchildren birthday and Christmas gifts, usually gift vouchers, and my grandchildren receive vouchers in return. My daughter always says thank you for the children's gifts, as she has been brought up to do. However I have not received a thank you from my niece or nephew for their children's gifts for about 4 years. This really annoys me, as just a short text message would do.
Do I stop sending them gifts? This would be the end of my relationship with my brother as my sister in law is extremely prickly, and would take great exception. Do I explain why the gifts are stopping, hoping that she would take her rude children to task, because I really don't think she would. I don't feel inclined to keep spending money them, as it cost about £100 this Christmas with birthdays and Christmas gifts. What's the solution?

Our young relations were brought up to say thank you and their parents ensured they did. But when they were of an age to do it themselves, with no prompting it stopped. Like most of us on this thread, we only expected a text, not three pages written on vellum with a quill pen.

They should acknowledge and thank you but stopping presents because you want a thank you seems ridiculous to me

I think you've misunderstood what people are saying. I wouldn't be stopping because I want a 'thank you', I am stopping doing what I have done for years because it's never acknowledged so perhaps it's not wanted, who knows?!

However, it is polite to say thank you and manners cost nothing and it goes a very long way when effort has been made for gifts. My parents raised us to say thank you so I am surprised at my brother for not teaching his children this.

Sounds similar to my very low contact brother. He randomly gave us token Christmas presents this Christmas,first time in 17 years. I know it was to make us feel awkward/make him look good in front of my mum.
Anyway I sent a breezy "Happy Christmas,thank you for our presents".
We e always given a gift just to our 17 year old niece. Left it with my mum,along with some money....no thanks. Nothing 🙄

I agree with @Flaked that this seems a bit silly. Do you know these kids well and see them regularly? If the real intent is to maintain a relationship with your brother, why not concentrate your efforts on him?

I have facetimed my brother weekly/fortnightly since the kids were babies - the children know us very well. And things are a lot easier now that both have their own phones (age 14 & 10).
I have always been forgiving with the kids not acknowledging or saying thank you for their gifts as it's shit parenting for not teaching them to do so.. However, the 14 year old is old enough to know better and she has now picked up on some disgusting awful habits from my brother, saying things like 'you can give me money, you can afford it because you don't have kids'... LOL

You’re not close to him, you sporadically keep in touch via his wife (not entirely sure what this means, do you only speak to his wife, never actually to your brother?)…I'm assuming you never see them? I just wouldn’t be spending £100 on gifts for the grandkids, especially if they don’t thank you. Just stop sending from now.

I think it’s very important to send acknowledgment or thanks and very rude not to. Doesn’t have to be a formal letter or card these days - my nephews and nieces will either send sweet texts/emails or photos of the kids playing with the gifts or a videoed thank you from the little ones. It’s lovely.

I think I will do one more round of birthday presents and see what happens.

Hmmm. You know what will happen. Same as before, nothing.

Seems you haven’t learnt ..Oh well

I have 8 step grandchildren that I have bought & made for on all of their birthdays and Christmas for the last 14 years. I can count on one hand the amount of thank you's i've received - i don't expect a letter, just a quick text acknowledgement would do!! But nada!!

So, I've decided that's it now - they're all teenagers and are old enough to know better! There will be no gifts anymore and all cards will be shop bought generic ones!

Same think I will do card only, her bday is next month.

This happened to me this year and I wasn’t impressed. Sent gift cards that totalled over £100 and didn’t get a thanks except their mum saying “the kids say thanks”.

”The kids” are all adults so wouldn’t have been too much to send a happy Christmas and thank you text.

I won’t be sending next year but won’t be saying why as don’t want the aggro. Instead I’m just going to say money is tight and let’s not do gifts. 🤷‍♀️