No thank you messages for gifts

[Pollysammy]

I have one brother, who I am not close to, but we sporadically keep in touch via his wife. He has 4 grandchildren, 2 teenagers and 2 younger ones from his 2 children. I send the grandchildren birthday and Christmas gifts, usually gift vouchers, and my grandchildren receive vouchers in return. My daughter always says thank you for the children's gifts, as she has been brought up to do. However I have not received a thank you from my niece or nephew for their children's gifts for about 4 years. This really annoys me, as just a short text message would do.
Do I stop sending them gifts? This would be the end of my relationship with my brother as my sister in law is extremely prickly, and would take great exception. Do I explain why the gifts are stopping, hoping that she would take her rude children to task, because I really don't think she would. I don't feel inclined to keep spending money them, as it cost about £100 this Christmas with birthdays and Christmas gifts. What's the solution?

Yes @Offstroll . Note the irony which is why her mother smiled knowingly.

All sounds a bit awful tbh

I’m well out of it.

Thanks everyone. I have done as people suggested and contacted my niece and nephew to ask whether they received the presents. Will see what they say.

I stopped buying for my sister's kids after we hosted them all for Xmas day and gave all their children presents. Not one of the kids or parents said thank you - for the hosting or the gifts - on their way out. One of the kids left their voucher down the side of the sofa and I stupidly went to the trouble of posting it to their home and still not a peep from anyone!

Gave up.

I always wrote a thank you card and my kids did too, though now they are more likely to text (not that they get many gifts outside of me as they are older). I stopped giving gifts to anyone outside my immediate family years ago. I had my kids after most of my friends but one had her DD two weeks after I did. So we’d exchange a gift, but one year I gave her a Sylvanian family (about £20) and my DD got … a basic Boots child toothbrush worth about 89p. I didn’t need to be spending the money if my DD’s gift was an afterthought (she did thank them verbally, though was slightly puzzled a to how a toothbrush, not even a Disney one, could be a gift).
I used to send a relative’s kids Christmas gifts, then one year at Easter she called and said she knew I had sent them something for Cmas but they got so many presents she couldn’t remember what. She of course never sent my kids anything.
So just stop.

This gets my goat so much!! Such bad manners and laziness. It stopped me sending a few gifts to kids years ago. Fucking rude

Plan secret santa on an app for everybody with a modest amount to spend - and have a big meet up before christmas. It's much more fun, and less passive aggressive - especially as I imagine you want a continued relationship with this side of the family? We did it this year with my step daughters and partners. It was much easier and less stressful. Especially for me! Good luck!

I'd stop the gift giving. It's clearly not appreciated or they are just very rude entitled people.

I have the same with my brother and niece. Never get a thank you for Birthday or Christmas presents unless I actively chase up that she got it OK. We don't have a great relationship either so I have been thinking of stopping now she is 16.

I would just stop with no explanation.
If it is ever brought up just say you didn't have acknowledgement that the previous gifts had arrived.

Obviously YANBU, but I read it as "No, thank you"
messages for gifts 😁
I could think of some!

Stop sending gifts to rude children. I would have had to write a thank you note, as advised by my parents or else. We are talking the 1970's.
These days even a text message is deemed too much trouble. Why continue after four years of ingratitude. STOP.

I have had messages from my niece and nephew now, apparently they have been very busy over the last few weeks and always meant to say thank you but it slipped their minds! Ok, for 4 years lol!
I actually don't mind sending to the smaller children as it's not their fault, but the teenagers should be made to say thank you.
Anyway, maybe this will guilt trip them into thinking about it on future.

Is there going to be a future? Will you continue to send gifts?

I’d definitely stop, they’re very rude, and ungrateful. Could even say you’re now making a charity donation instead of gifts .

Manners cost nothing a simple thankyou appreciating being thought of .
I would stop op you could just say we are stopping gift buying now as it's getting expensive.leave it at that .

I doubt they'll be guilted out of not thanking you for any future gifts, OP.
I can just see it: you're advised on here to 'ask the family if ' the kids' received their gifts'??
While on the 'other end' the family is saying, "if you don't say you've been too busy, you won't get the gift vouchers you were ( likely) too busy spending over the past few weeks, so you'd better tell aunty that " you had always meant to say "thank you" ".

I would give them a birthday/Christmas gift once more before deciding you've had enough of not even getting a texted thank you; no need to reward rudeness.

I’ve had nieces who do this to me and I purposely text them ‘did you get your gift?’ And then they reply thank you. I’ve also reduced the amount I spend on them every year as I find them so rude.

Maybe contact/text and ask did they receive the gifts/vouchers - as if you are checking Royal Mail or whoever have delivered?
My brother and wife bloody rude about not acknowledging gifts. Last time, I phoned and asked did niece receive parcel
of new baby clothes. He shouted ‘DAUGHTER! Did you get that parcel from
Bleachedjeans?’ I heard her shout ‘Yeah! I
did!’
That was the last time I sent any of them anything. Rude, ignorant twats.

We stopped when we weren't being thanked. If they couldn't be arsed to even send a text we didn't see why we should bother.

I am debating stopping buying for my 2x nieces (14yo & 10yo brother kids). For the last 4 years I’ve bought them a silver 1oz Britannia each for birthday & Xmas. Even bought them each a nice display box to store them (£35 each).

Last year I got zero thanks on both birthdays and Christmas. The Christmas occasion made my blood boil because I had arranged to go to my brothers on 30th dec, drove an hour to his only for him to call when I was 5 mins away to say the family had gone out. Anyway, I posted the gifts (coins in a card) through the door and have heard nothing since. I’m actually frustrated at this writing about it and need to get over it. The coins were £85 each (not cheap) and I bought 4x of them!
i said to my husband I am not doing it again, when I first started buying the coins silver was approx £25 per oz, now it’s like £80 so sod this without even getting a thanks. It’s bad manners.
before anyone says a 1oz silver coin is a boring present - sod off, I’m sick of buying toot that ends up at the tip!

i Wish people wouldn’t send my child gifts just for a thank you!

I appreciate the thought but honestly she is 1 it takes me ages to find time to write these.

i send gifts but I don’t expect anything back!

I don’t send gifts for a thank you, however it is good manners to be polite. It’s the lack of manners that bother me! Not even an acknowledgment of some thoughtful gifts is just plain rude.

I’m actually at this point now. Oldest niece is now 14. Never had a single thanks for any gifts, so they’re clearly not welcome. I’ll be stopping presents now and will just send a card.