Conflict with therapist

[ThrowingDi]

I started cognitive behavioural therapy due to something bad that happened at work. Things are ongoing in a sense, I have a new job now so out of that environment - but stressful legal things are still ongoing as I have a claim against ex employer.

I basically wanted to get some support with getting my headspace back to normal, as it’s been quite draining.

Anyway had the penultimate therapy session today, and she basically started closing therapy early when I was thinking we’d have a live therapy session. She basically said, she doesn’t feel we have much more to discuss because my work situation is ongoing, unresolved and that I’m just reacting normally to a shit predicament.

Aibu to be taken aback by this? Just makes me feel like a lost cause almost! Because although I’ve made changes and engaged etc I still don’t feel totally comfortable or confident especially in a work context. So was hoping I’d gain more from therapy as opposed to how things are left.

CBT is not a classic "talking therapy". It provides solutions to problems, not ongoing discussion.

Sounds like you need a different kind of therapist, going forward.

Actually, the opposite, I think she was saying your reaction is a normal healthy one to a shit situation that is beyond your control and there is nothing wrong with you, it’s just the situation is something that is going to happen and you have the resources already to get through it. It sounds like she maybe needed to explain it better, but also maybe you needed to be open to hearing it too.

Private or nhs?

Did you agree goals at the outset?

I think you’ve had the wrong expectations of what CBT can do in certain situations, like the one you are in.

I don’t think CBT is the right therapy for this aim.

What she likely meant (even if she said it clumsily) is that CBT is very focused on patterns you can change. Right now, a big chunk of your distress is coming from a real, ongoing external stressor (legal action and its uncertainty). Your reactions are proportionate and understandable, not driven by distorted thinking that CBT would normally target

This is important nhs shes saying your not mentally ill your just in a shit situation and cbt won't change that . Private shes doing the honourable thing and not dragging it out and charging you for something you don't need.

Exactly.

CBT works by challenging your thinking. It made me feel worse before I felt better. Sounds like you could to with more supportive counselling at the moment

It would be unethical of her to continue CBT if she feels it is not appropriate in your circumstances.

It might be that you need some talking therapy.

So it was via NHS but it’s with a private company if that makes sense. Initial NHS referral filled by a non NHS provider. I’m not paying for the sessions.

God, I hate counselling. I personally hate discussing issues and would rather be proactive! Which is why I liked CBT initially as it has the behavioural action aspects. But I guess she’s saying she can only take me so far.

Yes, so all my goals were related to work and some specific things with ex employer eg something with the legal process that I find difficult. However with that specific bit, she doesn’t like discussing it with me because she’s worried about how I might feel afterwards. Like she doesn’t want to
upset me if that makes sense. But I’d rather just try the therapy on that area instead of ending it prematurely. It’s a hard one.

Thanks for explaining this, I can understand that perspective now.

I would never usually advise this. I have so far avoided AI, but AI talking therapy is popular as you’re a public patient and unlikely to get another nhs therapist then chatG might be worth a go to help you put things together.

CBT is usually session-limited to some extend. Plus, if it's via an NHS contract, there will be other limitations in place by way of the contract.

To be honest, if it's a purely work-related issue then at this point you might want to consider coaching, rather than counselling or 'therapy'.

You need to be able to talk about things for any kind of talking therapy, she may have picked up that you aren’t going to talk about your feelings etc and so any therapeutic work is going to be very limited. If she doesn’t think you’re in a place to do the underlying work she’s right to end the sessions.

not all therapies nor therapists are a good fit @ThrowingDi

If you still have unresolved concerns and "still don’t feel totally comfortable or confident especially in a work context" then you should prioritise finding someone who can actually give you the support you require.

It really is trial and error tbh.

No it’s not that, I’m open to talking about it, she’s just worried about causing a deterioration. I think she used the term collusion

Yes I accept that, but she’s ending the therapy before the allocated sessions. I’d rather have utilised the session.

It’s basically due to my previous boss being inappropriate towards me, I’m not sure coaching would really help.

Thanks. To be honest after almost 2 months of therapy I think I would welcome a break now!

Maybe you should - listen to the professional?

How have I not listened to her? I posted on mumsnet, I haven’t complained to her or done something out of accordance with acceptance. Unless you have an issue with me seeking support here.

Why? would you say such a thing, especially with respect to something as highly subjective as therapy?

You surely, must have experience with professionals who are far superior, qualitatively, in their chosen occupation than others? 😕

; missed word

If you’re turning up and not talking about “the thing”, and she for whatever reason isn’t able to help you explore it then yes, there’s comes a point when she’s colluding with ie patching you up enough so that you can cope but not making necessary changes to the situation to improve things.

For example keeping yourself in a situation that is harmful and using counselling to help you cope with that potentially becomes collusive.

It’s not quite that, I am willing to talk about everything however I also said I’m worried about how I’d feel afterwards. She’s latched on to that so she doesn’t want to touch it, she said she doesn’t want to make my symptoms worse.

I’m open about talking about it and how I feel, I think she had now assumed it’s too much too soon now. She didn’t use collusion in that way, she was like I don’t want to collude however we’re not making much progress so to her it’s a balance about whether it’s worth going over it again when there’s potential pitfalls. I would have rather discussed it fully but she just jumped into reviewing the therapy as a whole (ie the final session spiel). I don’t think we’ve ever actually discussed it properly as she always put it into the agenda for next session…and now there’s only one session left!