AIBU to ask husband not to move the furniture?

[MovingFurniture2]

Looking for objective feedback… Virtually Everytime I go away for a night or more I come home and find my husband has rearranged a room or removed a piece of furniture. He is sometimes trying to make a room more organised, other times trying to move a piece of furniture for his own benefit (ie for his hobby room). I have repeatedly asked him not to do this. I find it stressful to come home and find things changed and more often than not he will have left a big pile of things that no longer have a home and I will end up being the one who has to find them a home… He doesn’t seem to take into account the family’s need for storage, just his own need to make a room more aesthetically pleasing (or to steal my furniture!). I have been away this weekend and despite explicitly asking him not to move any furniture he has still done so, removing some of the kids toy storage. He has replaced with some other storage but hasn’t finished putting stuff away. It’s in a very central area of the house so I can’t just leave him to sort it (and he just won’t now it is down to the boring bit!). For context he is diagnosed with and medicated for ADHD.
So AIBU for being annoyed or can he really not help himself??!!

My wife was a furniture rearranger. I hated it. It used to drive me nuts to find everything in a different place.

She died. I miss the furniture being moved around to such an extent that I've rearranged the room several times already.

So, I sympathise, but would also offer up that these things may be frustrating, but they can also be endearing from a certain perspective.

Sorry for your loss. It's funny how it manifests.

I used to love rearranging furniture. DH doesn’t. Then we put on carpets over the hard floors (DH’s idea), and now I can’t move the furniture on my own as it doesn’t slide. I have to ask him or the DC to help and that’s not as much fun anymore. I’m also more protective of my spare time and don’t take on big jobs anymore.

Would you like a hand with your new patio?

Your mistake is in tidying up after him. Leave the toys or whatever else he has emptied from furniture. Just leave it.

He won't find it 'aesthetically pleasing' then will he.

I've explicitly said to mine now when he has a bright idea, this needs to not result in more work for me, and the re-arranging of stuff needs to not be done in a shitty way that forces me to sort it out.

See also, your brother's house would never look shitty like this, his wife wouldn't have it. Let's act as if you care about me as much.

Put the furniture back how it was

I try to see it as endearing sometimes… but unfortunately it has often resulted in damaged furniture or walls from him trying to move things that really need two people (and he knows I wouldn’t want to move it). It seems it really is a compulsion he finds it hard to ignore!!!

If the new set up is totally disastrous than I do. Or sometimes have successfully got him to move it back himself. But what I would really like is to come home to my house, more or less, as I left it!!

I think he genuinely thinks he is making my life easier/making the house less cluttered. The pile of doom just doesn’t seem to register with him! He can only see the pretty flowers he has now put on the bookshelf instead 🫠

Honestly tried this so many times. Makes no difference. I just want him to stop the furniture moving in the first place! 🤣

🤣🤣🤣

There is no reason he can’t complete the job. So I would let him know he has to finish what he starts by xx and if he hasn’t it can all be dumped into his hobby room for him to do at a later date

No carpet would ever stand in the way of my husband 🤣 he once tried to move a huge item of furniture down the stairs by himself when I wasn’t in the house… needless to say he was not successful and had to call someone for assistance!

Why can’t you both agree where the furniture goes if you both care so much. Your way doesn’t work for him, his way doesn’t work for you - why should you get your way

I appreciate all the responses suggesting how I can respond to my husband, please be reassured I have tried them all at various points! My main question was around whether I am indeed being reasonable in being pissed off about my furniture always being moved and it appears so far that most people agree that it’s okay for me to be annoyed! Thanks for the validation :)
I should add that although I would say 90% of the time he does leave a pile, other times he doesn’t leave any work for me to do but his new arrangement may be aesthetically pleasing but not practical, think moving stuff around in the kitchen which I have organised in a way that makes me life easier (I do most cooking) and his way might look nicer but isnt at all logical!

There must be more to this. Why is he only moving furniture when you’re away? Has there been a pattern of you insisting the furniture must be the way you want it whenever he wants to change things up?

I find that usually the move it and ask forgiveness approach happens when permission is always denied.

Well we do agree where the furniture goes in the first instance! In fact most of the time he gets his way. I have no problem with moving things around from time to time and have compromised on many occasions. My annoyance is that he waits for me to go away before moving things around and doesn’t consult me at all, even though he knows that I find this very stressful and annoying to come home to!
funnily enough the furniture he moved around this weekend was furniture he had previously moved himself. It’s nothing to do with my way or his way, he just seems to need the novelty! He can’t seem to tidy up without changing something.

Not at all. See previous post, he has decided most of the furniture locations in the house I would say! He does have a good eye for room layout most of the time. But he changes his own work!
Of course I don’t always agree, especially if for example his motivations aren’t family oriented, eg he wants to move something we store children’s toys in because he wants that particular piece of furniture to store his hobby stuff.

Interesting. I could be the impulse end of ADHD. Have you asked him when he got the idea to move certain pieces? Was it a sudden thing?

The particular thing this time was the kids toy area, they have a huge shelving unit and a couple of smaller items. I get his reasoning as they have new xmas toys we need to find homes for. But what he did made little sense and things still don’t have homes! I think in general he finds the clutter of our lives quite overwhelming but unfortunately we both find it hard to maintain anything other than a “lived in” home and I don’t think any amount of furniture moving will change this!!
I also find it annoying/frustrating because he’s in charge of our primary aged children when I’m not around and I’m pretty sure when he is spending hours moving furniture around (and knowing him he will be at it for hours!) they will just be on their screens. I would rather he focus on them and talk to me about rearranging the furniture together!

Sounds like he sets out to put away or tidy something, then has an impulse to completely reorganise the room, and then he is in hyper focus on that for hours.

The kids on screens aren’t going to interrupt/break the hyper focus, you’re not there either to break it. So he gets in the hyper focus zone and only emerges when it lets go of him.

(edited because reread and saw he is taking medication for ADHD, which should probably be adjusted)

Is he doing this to distract from looking after the children? He clearly enjoys it as otherwise he wouldn't carry on doing it.

How old are the children?

I would rather he focus on them and talk to me about rearranging the furniture together!
I am sure he would rather be able to do the same. Unfortunately ADHD, especially if unmedicated or medicated inadequately can derail the best of intentions.

I would not assume enjoyment in a diagnosed ADHD person being sucked into doing what is objectively hard work with no positive feedback.